Best Toady Poems
Maurice the frog was q###r; of this he had no doubt and all the lady frogs just made him yawn.
He sat all day on his lily pad, flicking his tongue at passing flies, with never a thought of ever wanting to spawn.
At night the pond was redolent with the sound of humping frogs, the 'revitting' would turn a young frog mad.
But, alas, poor Maurice's only joy was a male frog's fashion catalogue, bequeathed to him by his late, lamented dad.
And so he spent his idle hours with nary a care or frown, plodding along his solitary road.
Until the day in early spring his life turned upside down, on discovering he was, in fact, a toad.
This news, to him was quite a shock from a passing dragonfly, which alighted on a nearby flower frond.
‘You want to cross the road’, it said, ‘there's loads of toads like you having toady fun in their own toady pond’.
And from under his wing he produced a book, ‘Toads Only’, it said on the cover, Maurice turned to its centre pages eyes agog.
And there in Technicolor for all the world to see was a lady toad, spread-eagled on a log.
He was well and truly smitten as on her picture he did gaze, her bulging eyes as black as Yorkshire coal.
He thought about eating the dragonfly but quickly went off this, who needs fly when you can have toad in the hole.
So Maurice set off straight away, though the going was quite tough, the first leg almost gave him a heart attack.
But on the crest of the rise he could see the road and the toady pond beyond and was greeted by a passing Natterjack.
The uphill struggle behind him now his back legs found new spring, the going was much easier on the flat.
He thought of all the lady toads and the tadpoles they would have, another hop, another leap then - SPLAT!
The moral of this sorry tale is simple, short and sweet; the fairer sex will only make you cry.
Be happy in your own back yard, forget the frog and toad and next time - eat the dragonfly!
Categories:
toady, animal, fantasy, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
Limerick crochetés: Portrait of a Dead Brit Nazi, Lord of the Lollypoppians
Part One
Once an uppity man from Poland
Wed a stumpy wench from High Golan
Result: mangy mongrel
Was no way you could tell
His front from his toady tail-end
In Broughton raised as Mancunian
For his stature was Lilliputian
Sent up to hot Eton
To become smooth Briton
Of hoi polloi he nursed low opinion
There at the clubby institution
Three thorough-breds of noble distinction
Chased him in quadrangle
Stuck dildos up sockle
In his hock-filled mouth sans elocution
Lacking shining past in his pedigree
Made him mug up facts in history
Shot up into Oxford
Father grandeur afford
Marks and shillings through frilly lingérie
At New College what spoke most was money
Free drinks all around and clothes so horney
So things ran with his ilk
Reeking of mothers’ milk
Ere going down he rode high and pretty
Once down he was not down and out either
With free hand in till of his step-mother
In book trade old mongrel
The art of the scoundrel
He made much of his blithering litter
Dreamed day and night of the House of Lords
To rub knees with the Chancellor of Boards
Stuffed Labour coffers cash
Stood for Commons: whiplash
Injury by hoi polloi on records
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2014
Categories:
toady, satire,
Form:
Limerick
All the teachers were basically horrible,
each could be placed on sliding scale of
horribleness….thus;
1. (the worst) Complete ****
2. Largely a ****.. with a degree of reserve
3. ****
4. Headmaster’s toady prone to outbursts
5. Pathetic but lacking conscience
6. Searching for a personality
7. Lost…smiles occasionally
8. Dominated by all other teachers (easy to mimic)
9. A mess
10. Ineffectual (but sharp dresser, and most likely to become future Headmaster).
Only we, the pupils were perfect and yet to enter the land of shopping, mortgages, menstruation and Mondays.
Categories:
toady, humorous, memory, youth,
Form:
Free verse
Bufo
full-blown balloon
a pin-prick, punctured pride,
deflated, defeated, and downed
Toady
Categories:
toady, allusion, humor, pride, satire,
Form:
Cinquain
Jimmie Jim my piddling crony was a little toady
Happened to meet a gaudy king who loved a hot toddy
Jimmie’s ass an ace in the hole
Dipped in snail’s pace in the king’s bowl
Said Jim Sire, my daddy, King of Ire, I am your bawdy
Categories:
toady, fun, nonsense,
Form:
Limerick
“Truth isn’t truth,”
that’s what some Cap’n Obvious toady recently said
He was pissy mad, when his angry tears wet the bed
Lieutenant Rudy Brown-Nose
a has-been sniffing the swine caboose breeze:
Loco breath wafting
between sulfuric methane, prune puckered lips —
sphincter pie holes half-closed
Politrician power tools pocket plugged into their patsy roles,
says with dark chaos authority: Everything is under control
Public trust pirates,
dressed in
populist parrot disguise,
love $inging tavern song$
Foaming out the frothy, dark-amber lager lies
Iscariot getaway chariots
be karaoke squealing yellow snow —
highway robbery melodies
Money green
dollar rain
golden showers
On silver cloud vapor piles,
sticky six-finger flies
be spitting out
buzz-kill dung beetle cries
Butt of the jokes be the wench reward
for the stumbling,
power-drunk whores
Wet froggy kisses
scraping the sky
for a few rubles more
$ee the neon $ign $potlight in the $ky,
it’s showing some Two-Face, penny-wise liar
(Riddling?)
Ritalin up the final justice score
Bat-crazy, Commish slum lord
got the Lewd tenant
boot-licking
filthy lucre crumbs on the floor
Dog whistles got the railroad cage bent ...
Wall Street woofers on a barf paid, carny bark yell
Every foul commodity bowel movement
do slug leave a regurgitated profit stench vomit trail
While the vote suckers are on the slow buy,
their Good Ship Lollipop is on a quick sell
“Truth isn’t truth,”
is what some Cap’n Crunch croaker just said
That’s a mouth full of self-serving, apron purse ties
Sweet Georgia boo pecan pie is tasty cow pucky lies
Go on ... take another covetous slice,
and a couple more burglar bites
Wet froggy kisses
scraping the sea below
for a few dollars mo’
Spitballing Prince of Tides
love muddying the waters so
Sold old truths as new lies
“Truth is truth,”
ain’t what some Cap’n Ahab toady just white lie wail said
It crocodile aqua lava seems
the Cap’n Nemo Lying King
is gonna sleep well tonight, on your hot Pompeii water bed
Categories:
toady, character, integrity, philosophy, truth,
Form:
Rhyme
Valentine from my Mother in 1973:
If you see a frog sittin' in a tree,
Pull his tail and think of me.
My response:
Oh Toad!
Though butt of Jest and Ridicule since days of yore reviled;
Though favored on a Frenchman's plate and victim of a child;
Though hunted by Brazilian bats, devoured in the night,
Or dried and sprinkled in the brew to conjure up a blight;
And even blamed for warts and such (although the wise know better)
when little boys decide it's fun to slip one down a sweater!
Despite all this, Poor Toady knows worst yet to come he sees...
is lovers climbing through the boughs tugging toadtails in the trees!!!
Categories:
toady, cute love, humorous, mother
Form:
They looked for an equalizer for so long
Their freedoms were caged
They were treated as less human
Their abilities suppressed
Then, on January 15, 1929, a man was sent
He boarded the flight for freedom
He passed thru the sky of racism
Saw the gathering of thick clouds
Knew the thunder would blast someday
Yet he walked thru the storms to free his people
He appreciated God for his creation—
For diversity and various colors of creation
He prepared the ladder of equality
And placed it on Freedom Avenue
He knew racism held the gun
To fulfill the dream of equal rights and justice
For all peoples was his so focus
He saw it clearly in the Scripture
All men were made from one source—
Brought into being free and equal
He sacrificed his life for the truth to prevail
His speeches out weighted racism all over America
The fruit of his labor—reality of his historic dream
Is the 44th president of America toady!
Categories:
toady, art,
Form:
Prose Poetry
The sow beauty queen’s
favorite color is money green
The cloven jaw cutie’s
favorite sound is “cha-ching”
Miss Piggy Lips loves how the cash registers
throughout the land constantly rings
That jade oinkment noise
is a pigmentary salve to her greedy soul
She’s got a glut appetite for mo’ and mo’
Her imperial motto is:
“Mo’ money means mo’ toga rest,
and much less queen bee stress”
This regal swine loves to sit
in her towering pleasure palace pigpen,
and peso whine
and ruble dine
Miss Piggy Lips,
with the Pillsbury hips,
enjoys wallowing in the miry green dough
Mudslinging filthy lucre nods covetously so
Miss Piggy Lips,
with the greasy palm grip,
silver tongue yields coin swallowing squeals
Jade oinkment noise forfeits her unpaid bills
This oral apothecary fatty substance
is pocketbook soothing to the queen Midas soul
Gold pursed lip smacking
is how this triple jowl lady low down dirty roll
Those hog heaven eyes
got them snout gobbled green eggs
gulp hasty safely cracking
Her pigmentary belly rub etiquette
is sop share burp lacking
As those rotund royalties
never piggy bank lessen one lil’ bit
Jade oinkment noise
is very spit pernicious green
Pigmentary salve for the thin-skinned cries
of the profiteering unclean
Dyed paper lust has an emerald sheen
Phat bags under dollar sign eyes
be the makeup blush
for the Oval weight sow beauty queen
Miss Piggy Lips,
with the mint green painted toenails,
she loves the excess gossip that dirty tales sell
Flop sweat sleeping
in her palace penthouse pigsty,
she snore ignore the kingdom’s po’ travails
Wrapping herself in a muddy blanket of lies,
surrounding her obese body
with a methane swarm of toady tongue flies
Miss Piggy Lips,
the dung awful smell
coming from that
jade oinkment perfume trail
is just too much nasal pain to inhale
It’s so sickening to brain fart expel
Fat chance the stench makes anyone well
Categories:
toady, funny, humorous, parody, satire,
Form:
Ode
Sweet privilege;
seeing people fawn;
knowing the superiority of wealth,
and holding it close like a warm coat.
The 'not having to toady',
or to speak nicely to a boss -
she relished these and other moments
of her upper class.
-------------------------------------------
7/23/2015
Contest - Shweet Free Verse
Sponsor - Andrea Dietrich
4th place win
Categories:
toady, nice,
Form:
Free verse
I am happy not that I live a perfect life
Life has been a challenge as I strive
The challenge that has made the heart weak
But today I am happy.
I walk with a smile that will cover my face
Long have I been looking upon this day
The change of my life as it’s been a mission
But the mission that has been beyond reaches.
I was humble towards you as your thorns weaken me
Light has shone upon I and toady I am happy
The life I dreamed of is within reach
Let’s part and never let our ever converge again.
I am glad that I let you go before you ruin my life
Little I notice about you as I open my heart for you
The times I was with you left holes to me
But now I realize that you were the thorn.
Categories:
toady, butterfly, celebration, cheer up,
Form:
Verse
Today is the day
I perceive
That I am the absolute candidate
For quietus.
Today is the day
I grade
From the university of life,
My thoughts cease.
Today is the day
I lay my head on my bolster,
To turn it no more.
Today is the day
I accept
My rest a stone.
Today is the day
I let a full stop be placed,
After many, many commas and semicolons.
Today is the day
Roses, Petunias and Lillies be gathered,
And placed by my head.
Today is the day
Flowers are going to wither,
Death is mine.
Today is the day
The aroma thereof shan't cause me to sneeze.
Toady is the day
Possibilities end,
For anything and everything.
Today is the day
I live onus and life and passion,
And place my hands over my head.
Today is the day
I reach a dead end,
Today is the day
I lean,
Toady is the day
I take the honor of forever.
Categories:
toady, death,
Form:
Verse
This teetotaler turns to tea
torquing temptation
towards tippling
thankfully, though
that tremendous tugging
teasing tendency thirst trumped,
thru teaching this totally tubular
toothless titular Texan thuggish tyrant
(titled Tsar Terry Troutman)
transcendental theology
tenets taught transferring
torpedoing, taming threatening
titanic tsunami tempest
tastefully tickling temperance
testing trying taut tenacity
together teaming (troika)
triumvirate torchbearers
transsexual therapist
(Tony the tiger)
tough trailblazer theoretician
toady treacly Tory
(Tommy Two Tone),
thence thirdly Theodore
"Tornado" Tornetta)
themselves trained to tamp
twerking tremens triggers,
their tripartite treatment told
tattooing thorny transforming
took this then truant teenage turtle
through time traveling
to those truant tumultuous tragic,
toxic, tipsy twitchy, touchy, tetchy
typhoon terrible two times two
times two times two tantrum
throwing, thieving, threatening
taxing textured teen tinder times -
tossing, tilting, taking tankful tolled
throaty, thoroughly,
thickly telltale temblor
toured terrible tournament
testing taupe tumbling termagant (Thaddeus)
tangling (Tangoing) tiny Timothy,
the treacherous tarantula
tying tussling travail – tata!
Categories:
toady, 11th grade, 12th grade,
Form:
Free verse
Lest I be guilty of grossest negligence
I feel like I must put in my own two cents
As I watch and evaluate strong evidence
We owe a debt of gratitude to Mike Pence.
I know, I know, he’s not even a Democrat
But on Jan 6th he knew where he was at
He stuck by the Constitution and all that,
As I see it, it takes courage to stand pat.
If Pence had listened to Donald J. Trump
Asked how high and been ready to jump
On our democracy, he’d’ve taken a dump
We’d’ve never recovered from the lump.
I’m pleased to know some have principle
Not willing to turn their back on sensible
And will defy their unscrupulous principal
I want more cut from a Mike Pence stencil.
Bravo to a politician I thought was a toady,
Wasn’t an a**-kissing Donald Trump roadie.
Categories:
toady, perspective, political, tribute,
Form:
Political Verse
O, the old toad talks
To the equinox,
But he sings to the harvest moon.
Cuz his little pollywogs
All swam off in the bog,
And they’re getting gobbled up by a loon.
The chance is remote
For an antidote,
And they’ll all be gone by noon.
See, the moon was on the lake,
but he wasn't quite awake,
and Old Toady really needed a boon.
O, moon, don’t shine so bright,
Or I will lose my kids tonight!
Please, moon, a fingernail,
So that old loon will not impale.
Dear moon, no wax, just wane,
Or I will likely go insane!
O, the old toad croaked,
And he cried till he choked,
But the moon didn’t hear a thing.
So he found a hollow log
In the middle of the bog,
And he brought all the game that he could bring.
O, moon, o please, o please,
I’m begging you down on my knees.
O, moon, I’m begging you,
I have no other kids than these.
Well, he roared so loud
That the noise shook up a cloud
From the pollen that was on the trees.
And it echoed off the lake,
Such a racket did it make,
That it rattled the old moon’s cheese.
Well, the moon just sighed,
Shook the cheddar from his eyes,
Bellowed, who is disturbing me now?
Then the toad stood his ground,
Said, the dog is not around,
And I don’t know how to find the cow.
But the loon is on the prowl,
And he’s acting pretty foul,
And he’s gobbling up the kids as we speak.
And if you don’t kill the light,
Pretty quick tonight,
Then their chances are looking rather bleak.
While they talked, came a breeze,
Blew the pollen from the trees,
And it landed in the old moon’s eye.
Well it made him wheeze,
And he started to sneeze,
And he thought he was going to die.
Then his nose began to squirt,
And his head began to hurt
And he said he had to go lie down.
So he headed off to bed,
Put a cover on his head,
And there wasn’t any light around.
Then the loon had a fit,
But she had to quit;
She speared herself because she couldn’t see.
Old toady got excited,
Got so tickled and delighted,
That he threw back his head with glee.
O moon, my dear friend moon,
Please get well, but not too soon.
O moon, I thank you so,
Now I can watch my children grow!
Categories:
toady, nursery rhyme,
Form:
Ballad