Best Taking The Piss Poems

I can no longer hold my tongue
 
I’ve got my knockers and my mockers
Oh, and I can’t forget the blockers
 
So you badmouth me on FB behind my back
Let rip with your vitriol and go on the attack
 
With your false humility and humble claims
You...

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Yawn
Yawning 
I am in love with my bed
While my bloody alarm 
Pains my head 
Got to get up
Snooze button stuck
Because if I wish to remain employed
And i don't arise from my pit
I am in serious shite
As I am on my final warning 
At this point...

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So tell me what gives you the sense that it’s right

when you see a female that delights your eye

to move in, and take the opportunity do some creepy touching

to touch inappropriately and the plead it was meant innocently

tell me what gives you the right too...

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(I'm Heading) Over the Rainbow (which is how the title's supposed to look!)

It was fun while it lasted
In spite of being lambasted
For original, unpopular views
That folks would not choose
To agree with or to share
Because they would not dare
To go against the flow:
Can't do that, oh...

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GOLDIE: THE PRINCESS WHO FOUND HER PRINCE

She knocked on the door, completely soaked to the skin,
Hoping that someone was there, who would kindly let her in.
The storm had caught her, she was normally so pristine,
But this was no ordinary princess, her name was Christine.

The door...

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How to take a leak

Marcel felt quite an urge when he set out to purge understanding of how to when
we view misconceptions of who is taking the piss now never thereafter and then

A fountain trickling urinal porcelain pissoir on display impressed me no doubt in
treacherous...

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Where do you come from?
And where do you go?
Pigeon steps, crinkled blazer, bent 
Posture, sunken face, worn and never changed, 
Stumbling along your broken track 
Over hills, underpasses and tarmac 
Carrying shopping bags two for each 
Arm like a POW bound in Disciplinary harm,
Face forward...

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The poet smoking grass
Or the athlete takin steroids,
'C..R..E..A..T..I..V..I..T..Y'
Or a world full of androids.
White canvas hung up there
Or is the artist taking the piss?
Just ask him the question
He'll say 'It's only what it is.'
The faces of the decent
Or extremists wanting more?
The clever sparkling woman
Or the dinner...

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Oh not again,
It's the same every night.
Straight after tea
You sit down and write.
Writing your poems
And the stories you tell,
It wouldn't be so bad
If you wrote them to sell.
Don't get me wrong
It's not about money,
Some that you write
I think are quite funny.
But the car is a...

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Recently I haven’t had my mind in the right set,
had no relief from the anger and grief, 
a time to forget full of regret, 
swept me down like the Barrier Reef. 

It hurts not knowing where I belong, 
let bygones be bygones but bygones bite...

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it all began with a lazy man,
who on his least lazy day was certainly more
lazy
than you or i,
and on one especially lazy day,
this rotund sloth 
sat in his own filth one late afternoon,
after not showering for days,
with crumbs crusted in his chest hair & the...

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Why do I feel so very down?
Is this feeling going to last a long time?
I cannot laugh nor even a smile,
I hope the pain fades in a while.
My heads messed up, I cannot think,
Should i pop some pills or heavily drink?

I'm tired of *****like this,
I'm...

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Insist on taking a piss. Don't go in the grass you'll get a ticket.
Hide your body. Or be thrown in jail.

For we are civilized beings who need structure and control and leadership

I point
you climb 

You find
I keep 

the dead cavemen 
must be laughing...

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The 10th July 2009
7 soldiers died on the front line
Panthers Claw the op was called
Sangin district is where we toured

2nd battalion the rifles had a few bad days
With many a soldier still in that haze
Sangin DC or Fob Rob to others
Left a lot of grieving...

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I never know whether to listen or hear,
Step away when you cry or be catching your tear,
Flood you with love or play hard to get,
Be annoyed when it’s hard or turned on when it’s wet,
I struggle to juggle the feelings I feel,
To know if my...

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