Best Tad Poems
Way down yonder, beyond the barn,
In that soggy, muddy old bog,
In a small and crowded, murky pool,
Lived gloomy Tad, the pollywog.
One of the things that made young Tad
Resentful and unhappy,
Was the very simple fact that he
Looked nothing like his pappy.
And, you know, he also didn't look
A great deal like his mamma.
What this pollywog resembled most
Was a chubby, little comma.
And the safest place--to say the least--
Was not that shrinking pool,
Where one well might be ingested
By some poor misguided fool.
Then one day Tad got so fed up
With his principal place of abode,
That he grew some legs, left the pond,
And became a happy toad.
You was the love of my dreams.
With you my dreams came true.
But everything is not as it seems.
I was always so very blue.
There were times I hated to come home.
My love became a obsession.
There were times I felt so alone.
That left me with many of questions.
So many times I hated you.
There where times I wanted to kill you.
All I could see was just us two.
You did not stay true.
You asked of me way to much.
I gave you everything you asked for.
My soul you did touch.
But left lost and at war.
You where the love of my life.
And now you are gone.
But you were my wife.
Riding the quarter slot pony
at Woolworth’s five & dime
Would send this half pint cowgirl
back to another time
I was Calamity Jane riding hell bent
to bring the US mail,
Annie Oakley, with dead eye aim,
shooting lint specks off a nail,
In my games of Cowboy & Indian
everyone would win
The Lone Ranger & Tonto
were my two bestest friends
Out in the back yard,
on my old swing set
I created memories
that I will never forget
I would swing & sing for hours
loud enough for the world to hear
I rode the meanest broncs
never showed a bit of fear
I dreamed of Being like Tad or Fox
Weren’t nobody putting me in a china box
while momma dreamed of frills & lace
In my dreams, I always rode ahead of the race
I always wore a white hat
& never lost a fight
Evil wore a black hat
& a heart as black as night
I find myself wishing
more often here of late
That I could return again
to that childhood age of eight
When everything made more sense
& innocence wasn’t lost
I wonder, if I turned back time,
what would be the cost?
© April 2005
Kiddies, I'm sorry to say that Santa may be visiting you late this year,
As he struggles to circle the Earth spreading his delightful cheer!
Santa had to retire Rudoloph and his friends leaving them much aggrieved,
And long-suffering Mrs Claus is in a snit and left sorely peeved!
It may be New Years Day before he arrives, but he'll visit you eventually,
So place a snack of cookies and milk or salami and cheese 'neath the tree!
That old grinch in the White House decreed that dear old Santa's sleigh,
Henceforth, must be battery powered, to be effective on this Christmas Day!
Alas, Santa must land every 350 miles or so, the battery to refresh!
(Hopefully, he can do this in such unlikely places as Bangladesh)!
No longer will you hear reindeer hooves dancing on your roof in the snow!
But be patient, little ones; Santa will greet you soon with a cheery ho-ho-ho!
I sent back the Bowflex I ordered back when it failed to come with the arrows.
Ever see "Smiling Bob " with the male "enhancement" adv? What woman would
make love to a cadavorous plastic smiling face like that?
I bought a giant "Universal Remote", cause I keep losing mine...It is the size of a
surfboard. Unfortunately it turns out it doesn't work in this universe.
I smeared "drawing salve" all over my hands when I wanted to try some
sketches. The pencil kept sliding out of my hand. Guess I'll go back to cooking.
I hired a girl to clean my house...she's been a no-show for 5 days. And now
she's asking for a raise, and health insurance.
Only a batchelor musician would have a kitchen with 2 electric pianos, one music
computer, two amps, and a giant console organ. No wonder I always order in. I
haven't seen my stove in months.
I asked my doctor how I was doing. He said, "Don't buy any green bananas."
PS- hope soon to get photos posted on line...first I gotta master the printer.
I ordered 4 Chinese food dishes specifying "No mushrooms!" I got 4 empty
containers for $22...including $2 extra for customizing!
I have a small religious plaque from my old home labelled "A House Blessing"
Somehow, up here, it transformed into "A House Messing".
I'm very kareful witch my speling.
Have a good one, folks.
There once was a pirate named Tad.
At looting he was pretty bad.
When his rowboat he sank,
they said, “Tad, walk the plank..
We’ve no use for the likes of ye, lad!”
April 10, 2019 for the Pirate Themed Limerick Poetry Contest of Tania Kitchin
Cum ma lat-ta
Le ma lot tad a ta la
Cum ma lat-ta
Le ma lot tad a ta la
Cum ma lat-ta
Le ma lot tad a ta la
I’ve been a sinner now straight out of the birth canal;
Simple evil from my parents bows;
Rejected, conflicted hopelessly convicted;
Just some flesh running wild;
I wanna be found not lost, don’t wanna be lost and found;
It’s to close for comfort;
Don’t wanna miss out on this bus;
My fare been paid in full;
I don’t wanna be late, got my bags packed;’
Cum ma lat-ta
Le ma lot tad a ta la
Cum ma lat-ta
Le ma lot tad a ta la
Cum ma lat-ta
Le ma lot tad a ta la
Rejected, conflicted hopelessly convicted;
Just some flesh running wild;
I wanna be found not lost, don’t wanna be lost and found;
There ain’t no buses or trains that go up into heaven?
6/24/18
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr.©2018
My friend Ezekiel's
a Southern polygamist hippie
When he hits the bottle
Zeke gets a tad tippy
Can't recall all his wives' names
Each one reminds him of 'Mary Jane'
So, here's how Zeke counts 'em
Mighty proud, loud and plain ~
One Missus Hippie
Two Missus Hippie
Hic! Four Missus Hippie
Five Missus Hippie...
~ Hey, Zeke, you missed one!...
__________________________________
Revised and Expanded from a 'Speed Joke'
heard a couple of weeks ago on WGN-AM
Radio 720, Chicago, IL
He died as he lived
Peacefully and alone
Waited for the moment
We left the room.
Saw us all over the last days
To say no more tears
We can live life without him
Remember over the years
How can we not remember
Our tad, was the best
No fuss, gentle guiding
Always there for us
His funeral was a humanist
Someone read our a rhyme
I had written for Tad
Made people cry
Colour was the order
For clothes to wear
Not all black
Like a crow he would say.
A welsh choir sang
Myfanwy, and The Rose
Played classical music
To take him home
Afterwards people said
Wonderful funeral what was it's name
You did him proud
Think we will have the same.
Tad : Welsh word for father.
Feeling the anger of losing my Tad, also recovering from openheart surgery, made me wistful.
What Caesar really said; "I came, I saw, I ran like hell..."
(Speaking of Caesar, I think he's famous for going to Las Vegas and making
salad.)
If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's probably a pigeon.
A bird in the hand is worth a roll of paper towels. what a mess!
When the going gets tough, I leave.
The only thing to fear is, well, pretty much everyone.
If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
If money is the root of all evil, you should be rich.
Never count your eggs after they're scrambled.
You get what you put into it. Yeah, like my lemon flavored meatloaf!
Two and two makes group sex.
"I think I'll never see, a poem as lovely as your knee."
If you think you got it tough, try my steak!
Sixteen tons, and what do you get? Squashed.
It's better to have loved and lost, than pay for a divorce.
If music be the food of love, My ex-wife was tone deaf.
Into the Valley of Deaf rode the 600 defective hearing aid batteries.
The Hallmark Hall Of Flame- a card store is burned down.
Have a good day!
When I grow up I'll be a bimbo
Smart people will tell me where to go
I'll bob my head
On cue play dead
Find good job where standards will be low
AP: 2nd place 2025
My friends tell me I'm a 'tad neurotic'
though they really mean 'totally psychotic'
So around them, I show off my 'full schizoid'
~ picking my zits while reading Freud
Our loved turned out to be so destructive,
I believed I had met the love of my life,
Oh God you were so seductive.
For me you were my wife.
When God took you home,
I thought I would die,
I was left so alone.
But I did say goodbye.
In my dreams I see you,
I feel your touch,
But I awake and am so blue.
I miss you so much.
I will always love only you.
Words are fun
Tah Dah Tad De Doo
Skipping with sun
Carousing in blue
I am eager to drink coffee
From a faerie elf’s shoe
Add a little sweet toffee
Lah Shah Lad She Doo
Writing is amazing
Sah Wah Sad We Sue
Cattle come a grazing
Nah Mah Nad Me Moo
Tad Waddler's Drawbar Vogel Crumpets
1/3 cup of salad dressing
6 cups of selfrising flour
1 1/3 cup of milk
5 tablespoon of sugar
5 tablespoon of cooked grits
5 Tablespoons of sourcream
1/2 shredded cucumber salted and strained
1/2 cup of diced onions
2 teaspoons of crushed garlic
1/4 cooked bacon
1/2 teaspoons of crushed dry dill weed
1/2 teadspoon of lemon juice
1 shredded egg yolk
1 tablespoon of extra dry gin
mix well and scope into muffin tins.
Bake at 350 between fifteen and twenty minutes