Best Swatters Poems

OK  Let’s get started, huh?
Well, ladies and gentlemen, on this sad occasion, it is my painful duty to welcome 
You all to the farewell meeting convened in honour of our beloved Uncle Hector. 
We gather together on this heap of cat-crap behind the restaurant...

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I am just finishing my morning meditation when I hear my doorbell ring. It actually sounds more like that buzzing sound you hear if you fry a fat fly on one of those electronic bug swatters. On my way to the door I hope it's...

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(continued from PART  ONE)


Why I’ve seen him countless times, regurgitate old dog faeces onto fresh bread  
And listened  to his quiet voice exhorting me to do the same. 
This fly was a born teacher. 
There can be no greater accolade for a...

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in a way i am lonely...stuck even to the wall like a fly surrounded by the swatters that intend to kill me...
why did you let them hurt me?
you had the knife
you just watched as they beat me into a barely living lump of blackened flesh
why...

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summer's plentiful
houseflies eat cat food, dog poop....
slurp coffee, cough, spit  


These past three summers have been awful for houseflies and blowflies coming inside my home every time a door is opened. I use fly swatters and bug spray to try to kill them but...

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Poet heads up: No real spiders were used in the making of this poem.

All females sitting on a plane,
with the male pilot at the helm,
were sitting there having a drink
and chatting on their way to
a getting over your phobias convention,
when all of a sudden they...

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Oh fly my insect friend
I love you above all things
No one ever really understood why
They took your wings off one at a time
It is hard to get about without them
Walking is difficult too 
When they remove some of your legs
Leaving only two to make you...

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media flies-
on the trail of decay
when the odors arise
nothing i think-
i so love to despise
as media flies

sweet meadow pies-
a collection of candles
a cry of "SURPRISE"
and the higher the pies-
the wider the eyes
of media flies

media flies-
buzzing and flashing
in front of your eyes
what a pity there are
no...

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Stock-still statues
  Bucolic totem-poles
    Munching fly-swatters 
      Lazily grazing ... 

Invisible to driverless cars...

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media flies
on the trail of decay
when the odors arise
nothing I think-
I so love to despise
as media flies

sweet meadow pies
a collection of candles
a cry of..SURPRISE!!!
and the higher the pies-
the wider the eyes 
of media flies

media flies
buzzing and flashing 
in front of your eyes
what a pity there...

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Yellow and black we always fly.

Forming a flower in the sky.

Collecting nectar to make something runny;

Our special, sweet honey.


Always busy on the job. 

But challenges make us stick together in a blob.

Yes, we do sting when we are mad. 

Then we die knowing that we...

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Most of the time I am thinking about my pets
Pets others have dumped out 
Pets who should probably have therapy but don’t.

One of them is a large pony dog we named Buddy.
He was dumped two months ago; he chews up everything.
Memory foam mattress, shoes, boots,...

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Happy subtropical cyclone 
Never forget semi tropical
 Cyclones 
Sub tropical tornado wild 
Miles down 
Down, down, down pitch 
Darkness wall
Weather swamps
Squalls
Sails or gale streams screams
See the stormy areas
So does it flash at night
Bright lightning bolts
Such a jolt
Flashes spins 
Squirrels skips and falters
Swatters wins 
Torrent waves...

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I refuse to babysit any more of your litters I told the McCats.
They begged, and pleaded, and complimented me on my flats.
Oh man. I am easy. A parrot who does not ever say “no”.
How far away will you be? I asked. “Where will you go?”

Just...

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