Best Staler Poems
Let's Have Some Fun Contest
Sponsor: Casarah Nance
I'll admit being green is not the easiest thing,
a frog looks very silly in a broken arm sling.
Yesterday Fozzie got a job singing at Shamrock Bar,
I told him I would drive cuz' it's not very far.
Out ran Rizzo the rat, stood like a deer in headlights,
I wanted to see Ms. Piggy later...oh, of all the nights!
Swerved and crashed into Rowlf's juniper dog house,
"oh I can't believe that annoying little mouse!"
Rowlf had the company of Animal and Gonzo,
what a sight to see Gonzo with an emerald afro!
We walked in to find a parakeet sleeping in moss,
"oh man, my arm hurts! It's about to fall off!"
I heard, “ARG! RAH!” Animal threw me a frozen lime,
I thought, “ will this really help? Pain is shooting to my spine!”
Then Scooter ran out with pickles, pears and olives,
Swedish Chef “Shmuf shaf”, was cooking basil and sage omelets!
I saw Staler and Waldorf cracking jokes in the balcony,
"I'm getting so annoyed, this is not the time for comedy!"
And who would have thought they would be the best greeters?
A first aid kit came out from Dr. Bunson and Beaker!
"Geez, I am feeling a little better, this injury is no biggie,
in walks my concerned lover, the bossy diva Ms. Piggy!
I'll admit being green is not the easiest thing,
a frog looks very silly in a broken arm sling.
Different Shades Of Green Used: 1. Shamrock 2. Juniper 3. Emerald 4. Parakeet
5. Moss 6. Lime 7. Pear 8. Olive 9. Basil 10. Sage
~Date Written : March 1, 2016~
(The Torre Vela is a prominent castle tower
at the "prow" of the Alhambra Palace, and
dominates the Spanish city of Granada.)
My lame-ass lips can't even draw
McDonalds milkshake through a straw:
and if I must
run for the bus,
I take an oxygen inhaler.
You like your house? I rent a trailer.
But yell it through the loudest-hailer:
I kissed Leila!
Some lucky guy looks like George Clooney,
while I resemble Mickey Rooney.
I'm such a shmuck,
if vampires suck,
then call me Vlad the (Bad) Impaler!
I guard my dough? Like a drunken sailor.
But study this at Yale, or Baylor:
I kissed Leila!
I'll never win that Golden Globe
for lounging in a silken robe
like Errol Flynn,
appearing in
a bedroom scene with young Liz Taylor:
my books won't sell like Norman Mailer:
my jokes are rustier and staler
than ol' Jed Clampett's cotton baler:
I'm a no-mark, lamester, loser, failer.
But shout it from the Torre Vela:
I kissed Leila!
(Torre Vela = prominent tower, part of
the Alhambra palace, Granada, Spain)
My lame-ass lips can't even draw
McDonalds milkshake through a straw:
and if I must
run for the bus,
I take an oxygen inhaler.
You like your house? I rent a trailer.
But yell it through the loudest-hailer:
I kissed Leila!
Some lucky guy looks like George Clooney,
while I resemble Mickey Rooney.
I'm such a shmuck,
if vampires suck,
then call me Vlad the (Bad) Impaler!
I guard my dough? Like a drunken sailor.
But study this at Yale, or Baylor:
I kissed Leila!
I'll never win that Golden Globe
for lounging in a silken robe
like Errol Flynn,
appearing in
a bedroom scene with young Liz Taylor:
my books won't sell like Norman Mailer:
my jokes are rustier and staler
than ol' Jed Clampett's cotton baler:
I'm a no-mark, lamester, loser, failer.
But shout it from the Torre Vela:
I kissed Leila!
Hey God, if I can’t take her, take her,
My heart’s a grave, don’t wake her, wake her.
Her laughter stings like glass in the veins,
If she's poison, let it break her, break her.
Nights fall heavy, shadows dance and mock,
If love’s a joke, just make her faker, faker.
I’ve chained my soul to her absent touch,
If I’m the sinner, drag her further, further.
Her name, like fire, burns through my lips,
If she's a curse, then shake her, shake her.
I built her throne with my shattered bones,
If I can't rule, let darkness stake her, stake her.
She wears her lies like a second skin,
If truth can’t bend, just make her staler, staler.
I chased her echo down hollow streets,
If I’m too lost, then fade her, fade her.
Hey God, this prayer’s a twisted plea,
If I can’t take her, take her, take her.
Let time unspool the webs she spun,
If I can't win, then break her, break her.
She whispers love, but sells it in stocks,
If love’s for trade, then crash her, take her.
I’ve built a shrine for her ego to feast,
If pride’s her god, then forsake her, fake her.
Hey God, she prays for everything but me,
If she’s so holy, then bake her, bake her.
Let karma come with a bit of spice,
If I can’t burn her, make life flake her, take her.