The Last Shall Be First

(The Torre Vela is a prominent castle tower at the "prow" of the Alhambra Palace, and dominates the Spanish city of Granada.) My lame-ass lips can't even draw McDonalds milkshake through a straw: and if I must run for the bus, I take an oxygen inhaler. You like your house? I rent a trailer. But yell it through the loudest-hailer: I kissed Leila! Some lucky guy looks like George Clooney, while I resemble Mickey Rooney. I'm such a shmuck, if vampires suck, then call me Vlad the (Bad) Impaler! I guard my dough? Like a drunken sailor. But study this at Yale, or Baylor: I kissed Leila! I'll never win that Golden Globe for lounging in a silken robe like Errol Flynn, appearing in a bedroom scene with young Liz Taylor: my books won't sell like Norman Mailer: my jokes are rustier and staler than ol' Jed Clampett's cotton baler: I'm a no-mark, lamester, loser, failer. But shout it from the Torre Vela: I kissed Leila!