Best Spittoon Poems
Strangers are attacking me;
ruthless men seek my life—
men without regard for God. Selah
Psalm 54:3
GOD SEES THE COURAGEOUS AT WORK
Wild-eyed disregard for God —
The mocking tone, the spittoon.
The leering eyes —
they’re tiger’s eyes.
They plop near the weights —
the courageous snakes, and
throw balls of cannon smoke.
They hope that we will choke.
The courageous throw acid
in a virgin’s angelic face.
The courageous pounds their rusted
nails into fragile wrists and ankle saints —
these innocents whose haloed guardian’s
see the illuminated face of almighty God.
The courageous divide fetus parts,
roll them like dice, put them on display.
The courageous pillage, rape and sodomize
thinking if there’s a God, he will see it as sport.
They drink deeply the heart blood and soul
but none can escape the Ancient of Days.
Life is a pit, a mere hole for the courageous
to drown. They’ve looked for a fiery dragon
And he’s been found, awaiting the demise
of as many curs-ed petals he can find.
Selah…
if only for a moment the dead blinked,
the light of day might have saved their hide.
The brokenhearted will feast at the King’s table.
with no need to fear when evil is deceased.
9/24/2019
Categories:
spittoon, abortion, christian, dark, murder,
Form:
Free verse
When asked to write Limericks about ladies
I said, "Oh, no. There's no way in Hades!"
Too many are my friends
I'd have to make amends
Not even for a brand new Mercedes
Then, I gave the matter a bit more thought
And chose women closest to my heart
The ones in Milton Creek
Five who are quite unique
All lovely women who are very smart
Jan holds ownership of the Manx Saloon
Where two lovely ladies sing a fine tune
It's where Milt played poker
But do not provoke her
Jan has been known to throw a mean spittoon!
Tania now runs the bakery in town
Her Whiskey Whoopie Pies are world renown
Come to Kitchin's Kitchen
She might let you pitch in
to help her make the best pastries around
Deb manages the Manx with extra care
No outlaws allowed, so you'd best beware
If you're packin' a gun
Or maybe on the run
She'll call the lawmen and they'll be right there
Two recently hired ladies fit right in
Caren tends bar, pouring jiggers of gin
Anne-Lise is the town flirt
Servin' drinks in ruffled skirt
Fine ladies, living at Aces with Lin
There's a few others at the Bordello
I hear one's sweet on a certain fellow
Maybe just a rumor
A tale told with humor
The Creek's calm enough to hear cows bellow
Residents will keep it free of all spats
No bad hombres who'll be wearin' black hats
More ladies will arrive
Our little town will thrive
Mayor Tom will have more to say 'bout that
Categories:
spittoon, humor,
Form:
Limerick
My oldest possession is a spittoon
My spittoon goes back a ways into history
Where it originated is a bit of a mystery
It has a bullet hole right aboutOhere
I’m told that Buffalo Bill Cody put it there
From over across the street to impress his girl
The Lass who went by the name of Annie Oakley
She could ride and shoot with the very best of all men
She would beat all of them at their very own game
Riding and roping, trick shots gathering fame
She out shot Frank Butler who fell for her
and he was forever happy as her lover.
In Cody’s wild west show she pleased a lot
of people who loved her as “Little Sure Shot”
May 11 2010 For Amy's "Complete Concrete" contest
Categories:
spittoon, fantasy
Form:
Concrete
‘Twas close to the day when Buba Claus,
His red nose and Bowie knife shining,
Would be off to fill the manly's hearths,
With bacon for their frying.
The ground was bare of snow or ice,
The sky was clear of reindeer.
But Buba Claus was loading his sleigh,
Real high, with good stout Yule beer?
Buba Claus was out in force,
His NRA cronies in tow,
To fill naughty radicals stockings,
With tiny bits of coal.
Cigars dangled from their lips,
A spittoon he placed by their feet,
And, before the sleigh rose off the ground;
They tossed in another side of beef.
Each carnivore, they laughingly swore;
Would have their fill this year,
And Bambi blanched as He flew by,
While Teddy Bears ran in fear!
Over New Canaan His courses flew,
Past the homes of vegetarians;
And down their chimneys they did toss;
The views of Libertarians!
And when the last haunch was placed,
Upon the spits of the mighty,
His spat his cud of gnarly gum,
Into the spittoon real tidy!
Then he flew off with a Ho, Ho, Ho,
And, not the ones for plowing
Cause Buba Claus had his own ideas
Of all Santa’s sissy endowings!
Categories:
spittoon, holiday
Form:
Rhyme
‘Twas close to the day when Buba Claus,
His red nose and Bowie knife shining,
Would be off to fill the manly's hearths,
With bacon for their frying.
The ground was bare of snow or ice,
The sky was clear of reindeer.
But Buba Claus was loading his sleigh,
Real high, with good stout Yule beer?
Buba Claus was out in force,
His NRA cronies in tow,
To fill naughty radicals stockings,
With tiny bits of coal.
Cigars dangled from their lips,
A spittoon he placed by their feet,
And, before the sleigh rose off the ground;
They tossed in another side of beef.
Each carnivore, they laughingly swore;
Would have their fill this year,
And Bambi blanched as He flew by,
While Teddy Bears ran in fear!
Over New Canaan His courses flew,
Past the homes of vegetarians;
And down their chimneys they did toss;
The views of Libertarians!
And when the last haunch was placed,
Upon the spits of the mighty,
His spat his cud of gnarly gum,
Into the spittoon real tidy!
Then he flew off with a Ho, Ho, Ho,
And, not the ones for plowing
Cause Buba Claus had his own ideas
Of all Santa's sissy endowings!
Categories:
spittoon, funny,
Form:
Light Verse
A crack in the pavement
Does it portend
a death in the family
an untimely end
Is it an opening
for widow’s weeds
or just a spittoon
for sunflower seeds
Categories:
spittoon, death, fear, mystery,
Form:
Rhyme
Another crossroad.
Invalids weep when
wearing another's
soiled diapers suddenly
disappear.
In spite of the battered off-chance -
from a despondent interruption;
I'm the exposed exception.
Coarse fingers bleed.
My wheelchair spokes
are hardly friendly.
I proudly bawl when no one
can see me bow my head
amongst the company of
irreverent observers.
At rest
with this solemn disease -
the embrassing stench of inhumanity
forces me to open a
newly glass-stained window.
I whisk swallowed past-killings
onto bent steel hangers.
Neatly there, they elegantly droop -
angled and uninteresting;
in a dank closet where
falsified myths
and I
silently hide.
Leukemia, I personally, thank you.
Mid wives laugh at me.
Jesters poke a crooked finger, also.
Kings, queens
and jacks are left behind.
I chuckle, too - with an
unbridled Lucille Ball lament.
Four spaded-aces and a forgotten spittoon;
the uninviting hospice where we
comfortably bed together
crocheting darned finales.
Say farewell.
Don't tell anyone.
Blood bleeds beyond
frowned staled dales and
expiration is a personal moment.
Daddy and Mommy need to witness
the definition of
an unwarranted demise.
Open ended the
Grimm fairy tale concludes,
without a finely tuned
Aesop moral,
leashing the braille-exhausted
onto another muddied
crossroad.
Categories:
spittoon, deathme,
Form:
Free verse
Our star
Feel its sting?
The little dingy one
with jagged edges
in the basement of the universe.
the star that winks... sashays ...
relentlessly teasing- then merrily slices away.
Our star
Hear it careen like molten dreams.
The lost one that mimics a 2am ambulance.
The one that offers fruit
then sends you crashing to the reef...
A smiling spittoon to purge the poisoned
glass from your bombed out sheltered soul.
Our star
Smell it?
The one that passes perfume.
Beneath the fragile being of self-worth of your gravity.
Then jerks it away.
Our star
Once a blooming evening flower
now nibbled raw..down to the stump.
Face down in the cold black soil,
Our star has turned to mud!
Categories:
spittoon, abuse, universe,
Form:
Free verse
Off Rangoon a typhoon my balloon
it has strewn. Unfortun-ately, soon
this spittoon, this mad drain;
becomes a hurricane
then spits me out, a prune, off Cancun.
Categories:
spittoon, adventure,
Form:
Limerick
The trip was all set in our hot-air balloon
Conditions were flight-perfect; 'twas the middle of June
Just needed a few shots of courage from a local saloon
In case up from nowhere sprang a devilish typhoon …
We successfully launched from a local sand dune
On board was the sponsor, a bigshot tycoon
Along with a fellow who told jokes, the buffoon
And a bassoonist who blew and crooned loony tunes ...
Now for good luck we brought on board a baboon
Who ate butterflies fresh from the cocoon
He had a face like a prune, was a bit of a goon--
Gave demonstrations on how to use a spittoon ...
This monkey had with him a metal harpoon
So that at a favorable moment opportune
He surprised the full moon, tied her up to his pantaloon
~ and stabbed her with a cheesy grin most jejune
Categories:
spittoon, animal, funny, moon, silly,
Form:
Monorhyme
*Image of Ten Gallon Stetson by IBA.
A Hat Full
A cowboy with a ten-gallon hat,
Seen a spittoon and gave it a spat,
A girl screamed, "That's my vase!",
She then frowned in his face,
And stepped on his hat and made it flat.
2022 May 07
*1st Place*
High Noon
~~Joseph May: Judged 2022 May 08
RZ, HMS: 9,9,6,6,9.
Categories:
spittoon, character, funny, western,
Form:
Limerick
Is there a reason why all ballplayers spit
Can they get to the majors, if a spittoon the can't hit
Twenty paces while chawing
On tabaccy while jawing
At the ump, methinks it's likely tradition I submit
© Jack Ellison 2015
Categories:
spittoon, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
The Fellow From Frankfurt
There was an old man from Kentucky
At his age he still would get lucky
The old ladies would swoon
As he used the spittoon
He was spry as a boy and quite plucky!
Scary Mary
There once was a woman named Mary
Who was known for her legs being hairy
She did not own a razor
But this didn't faze her
She would just braid her shins and act scary!
How Ya'll Doin'?
There was a young man from Savannah
Who spoke in a quite genteel mannah
Honey dripped from his mouth
Course he was from the South
Only one heard him right was his nana
Categories:
spittoon, funnyold, old,
Form:
Limerick
A crab sidewinds
The windowsill
With the Earth
In his hands,
Whilst a mouse
With a red breast
Smiles and gives a wink
To the lizard in the lounge.
Mars is using
The rotary
On 16 and 17
For spittoon practice,
Whilst the Defence
Refuses to move
Her boat from duty
At the pelican on Pall Mall.
Each thought is
Thinking another,
With the wisdom
Of a penguin crossing
The road at a
Zebra crossing;
That be some,
But not a lot!
Categories:
spittoon, world,
Form:
Free verse
Jabba the Hutt has a spur up his butt
that makes him as mean as a wasp
If you stop for a look, at that glutton of glop,
his looks will not help him a lot!
His rotten demeaner, gave Vadar the radar,
to hide out in deep outer-space
Hutt's face and his figure could fracture a mirror
...and the glass of a whole universe!
There are millions of creatures, with much better features,
that Jabba can never embrace!
Jabba is gruesome, a big gooey nuisance!
He looks like a big wad of gum!
He grossed out Chewbacca.......
who likes his tobacco,.....(this may be a slip of a tongue)....,
But... a wad of his chew, missed the spittoon,
and hit Jabba, in his hut, with a zoom !
To view this unsightly, gruesome character:
_https://www.google.com/search?q=Jabba+the+Hutt&rls=com.microsoft:en-US:IE-Address&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=sU4dUpjQG4HViwK1kYCoDQ&ved=0CEAQsAQ&biw=1920&bih=897
_____________________________________________
For P.D.'s Star Wars Contest:
By Carrie Richards 8/27/13
Star Wars Rules !
Categories:
spittoon, character, funny, universe,
Form:
Free verse