Best Spanked Poems
after The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe
(Is this microphone turned on? Testing one two, Poe was a dip, Poe was a dip, testing.)
Once upon a daydream, faintly
whilst I watched the boob tube, quaintly
Jerry Springer 'bout half over when I nodded off to sleep.
Show was boring, soon was snoring
when suddenly I heard my bell ring.
Outside it was really pouring,
pouring there outside my door,
perhaps a preacher to ignore,
I'd be a beanbag chair and nothing more.
(By the way, this is the reader's digest version folks)
Beanbag pretense wasn't working,
freak outside just kept on twerking
(Wait! I forgot what that means)
then through my window climbs this guy who looks a bit unstable.
He stops and stares as though a zombie,
asked him could he be from Bombay,
I think his jeans were Abercrombie.
I showed him kindly to the door,
pointed clearly to the exit,
pushed him onward 'cross the floor,
he stood there shaking, nothing more.
"Now look" I cawed with all my muster,
"Get this through your thick head buster,
Spongebob's coming on soon and I've still to take my nap."
He looked at me with subtle smile,
those crazy eyes had me beguiled,
[karma's spanked me with this trial]
on my knees (Ack! I don't have knees)
on my knees I now implored
would he please just take a hike.
I then got up from off the floor,
he stared and said...
"uh, I gotta tinkle."
EPILOG
That's right folks. You now have the edited, abridged version of what really happened back in 1845. Now I know what you're thinking - 'Gotta tinkle'? But it doesn't rhyme! Well, I can't help it folks that's what he said. And it may explain why he decided to turn things around to make me look like the nitwit in his classic poem, The Raven.
This is Barrymore T Raven III, signing off
*did they have TV in 1845? Hmmm...
Categories:
spanked, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
Hey there, Rag doll!
I'm folding into a bowled,
bold mix and
I'm in knead of a partner.
First come. First served.
Lying in a daydream -
I see you fit the bill.
Make my realities a nightmare.
You're my dazzling star.
You're thin-sliced innocent.
You're an unused gift certificate.
Need me.
Hey there, sweetheart!
Don't talk. Don't yelp.
It's only me leaving
an oil-stained finger print upon
your left eyelid.
Special. The touch -
my touch -
is special-licious.
Pirate-rigged and e(special)ly
meant for you.
I threw away my thesaurus yesterday.
I found it unnecessary
and callous.
LOVE is a four letter word
as is -
LIAR.
Hit me with an anthemed antonym.
Hey there, pumpkin!
Kiss me once again
and revel in
the sticky juices of
our misguided
presumptions.
Spit, spanked and smothered.
A rolling pin of charm -
You knead me,
darling.
Categories:
spanked, art, me, me,
Form:
Free verse
I'm Restless and defeated
Feeling overwhelmed and cheated
My Plate about to topple
Don't you dare pop that waffle
Shut your mouth and the door
Clean the dog pee off the floor
Fit to be tied, mouth foaming
Computer died, phone roaming
Don't look at me with that cheesy grin
My patience, like ice, that's growing thin
Just finished my Alaskan shower
Thanks to you bathing for an hour
Spent my last dollar topping off my tank
Just to find, my car won't crank
Pants ripped when I bent over
Picking up a 3 leafed clover
Dog ran off, didn't think he'd go far
As luck would have it, he was hit by a car
thought we'd spend the day, saying goodbye
Would you believe, he didn't die
At the vet, running up my credit
I'll revise my budget again and re edit
Sporting a cone around his head
The doctor said he should be hand fed
It's ok, I have time to spare
Out of work due to an allergy flare
Looking like a blowfish with chicken pox
Hamster got loose at the delight of a fox
Kids called the cops for animal abuse
Handcuffed for 2 hours before they let me loose
Neighborhood kids, come knocking
I wish I could say it was the least bit shocking
Leaving doors open, letting in the flies
I hide in the bathroom and find I have spies
Little feet under the shower curtain
Bottoms spanked, hands hurtin
Crawl in the bed at 1 a.m.
Sleep for 5 hours, then do it again
Categories:
spanked, silly, stress,
Form:
Free verse
Spank your children, spank them good.
Spank them as you know a good parent should.
"Wait until your father gets home," is a phrase I'll never forget.
I was spanked as a child and it taught me respect.
Never ever feel guilty for spanking your children.
You're not being cruel, you're enforcing discipline.
When you spank your children they will end up better for it...
.. although many also go on to live their lives awfully traumatic.
The truth is that whenever any parent spanks their children
they do so for only one specific reason
and it has absolutly nothing at all to do with enforcing discipline.
That is simply an excuse for justification.
Parents spank their children not as a disciplinarian pretense.
Parents spank their children because they lose their patience
but cannot admit to that moment of weakness,
because it's easier to spank them and silence their protests.
Categories:
spanked, children, parents,
Form:
Rhyme
And then we have Red Riding Hood
That girl was sure up to no good
For she laid a trail
Her granny to nail
By a wolf as she knew he would
Then this little girl had the nerve
From everything I could observe
To have him done in
Because of his grin
She didn’t get what she deserved
No, she got her very own story
A heroine in all her glory
Instead of thanked
She should have been spanked
For it was a story too gory
Categories:
spanked, death, girl,
Form:
Limerick
Children raised with discipline
Parents spanked and praised
Summa Cum Laude
Categories:
spanked, graduation,
Form:
Senryu
What I was told; my parents scold
“You be good and do as your told!”
Thought I, “Other kids don’t do that!”
They have great fun no matter what
They have been told.
So I had fun and I grew bold
I teased one kid, I called him fat
Some puny kid, I knocked him flat!
Then someone told.
My father called, my blood ran cold
I felt my tummy start to fold
One look at me and then he spat
“You boy are being a little brat”
He spanked me until my tears rolled
My mother said, with arms-a-fold
"Do as your told."
Categories:
spanked, bullying, kids,
Form:
Rondeau
Greg Davies is my secret crush
He appears in my fantasies
With his dreamy azure eyes
And a dazzling smile
Greg Davies is the man of my dreams
An accomplished actor is Greg
A stand up comedian and host too
Indeed, he is a talented man
Entranced by his demeanor
I watch with fascination
As I cool myself down with a fan
Greg has silvery grey and white hair
Sexily flicked back with perfection
My hands yearn to run through it
Cup his face with my hands
Gaze into his sapphire eyes with affection
Sexy and clever too is Mr Davies
An ex teacher of English and drama no less
A welsh born beauty with brains
I wish I had been one of his students
Attending his lessons in various forms of undress
A bit of role play please and thank you Sir
I would be really naughty at school
Placed over his knee
Punished and spanked
Break all the rules deliberately
I want to feel every inch of his perfect frame
Stroke the places he likes to be touched
Feel his large hands on my quivering body
I sound completely cuckoo
But I assure you I am just in lust
This is one man I want down on me
No in-betweeners in between
He has size fourteen feet
And girls
We all know what THAT means!
He can be my Taskmaster
Or a master of a different kind
I would give him total submission
He can fire his cheesy balls straight into my open mouth
He can do what he wants, I don’t mind
I need his body wrapped around mine
His luscious lips I crave to kiss
Stroke his sexy chest
Massage him with oils
Just to meet him would be bliss
With a hint of a Welsh accent
His voice is divine
He is a man I would love to meet
The perfect parcel
Over two metres tall
I wish Greg Davies was mine
Any woman would be lucky to have him
His is a Taurus
The most sensual sign
Handsome beyond belief
I am sure “Eight out of ten cats” would agree
Greg Davies is gorgeousness personified
Categories:
spanked, character, crush, fantasy, tribute,
Form:
Free verse
If I Could Have Gotten Your Embryo
Before You Were Born
I Would Have Sheltered You Safely
and Protected Your Form ...
I'd Have Put You In My Womb
& Flowed You Knowledge Like In A Tubric
& Patted My Expanding Belly
As I Played You Music
And As You Got Ready
To Arrive From The Birth Canal
You Would've Known My Breasts
Would Be Ringing Like Welcome Bells! ...
Eager To Suckle You
Breast Feed My Own Flesh & Nourish
So You Could Grow Strong
... In Love's Encourage
I Would've Held You In Wonder
& So Close Tenderly
Amazed At This Little Bundle,
Breathing, Piece of Me ...
And When You Turned One
Or As You Sucked Your Thumb
Or Eating Baby Food Jars of Plums
... I'd Have Given You Trumpets & Drums
... And Building Alphabet Blocks
& Superman Capes
& Stuffed Teddy Bears
& Oatmeal Cookies & Grapes
I'd Have Read You Stories
From Capt. Adventure Books
You'd Have Known You Were Loved
By My Proud Mama Looks
I'd Have Spent Time With You
Showing You How To Tie Your Shoe
Rocked You If You Caught The Flu
or Any Sniffles You Went Through ...
I Would Have Played With You
& Prayed With You
From Crawling To Walking
Paved The Way For You
Yeah, I Would Have Fussed At You
& When Needed Even Spanked You Too
& I'd Meant: This Hurts Me More Than You
'Cause You're The Little Symbiot, Mama Grew
So, You Would Have Known
You Were Loved & Treasured
You Would Have Known
Your Worth Couldn't Be Measured
Nor Compared To Anyone Else
At Any Point In Time
'Cause You Are The Best
Because You Were "Mine"
* * * * * * *
But I Never Knew You
But Believe Me If I Had ...
I'd A Made Sure You Had
A Loving Mom & Dad
And You Would've Never Been Abused
Or Treated Bad ...
But From Now On Find Your Joy
To Replace What's Sad
Written & Copyrighted ©: 9/12/2013
by: MoonBee Canady
Categories:
spanked, abuse, baby, child, childhood,
Form:
Free verse
Childhood Friends (Boys)
Fishing lines and fishing poles
sinkers, hooks and bobbers.
Maybe someday we will go
when we're not playing cops and robbers.
Cowboy hats and balls and bats
my horse an old broom stick.
Can you see? Come look at me!
I learned a magic trick.
Spit balls shot but I got caught
Tommy points and grins.
You did it too I could tell on you.
I miss my childhood friends.
Make no mistakes we're catching snakes
to play with in the yard.
I didn't cry it ain't no lie
when I got spanked real hard.
Racing trains and playing games
this ain't no place for girls.
Summer sun and carnival fun
we wanna ride the Tilt-a-Whirls.
Our first late night but we're alright
see how the scary movie ends.
Creepy crawlers crept our secrets kept
I miss my childhood friends.
Edwin C Hofert
Categories:
spanked, baseball, best friend, children,
Form:
Rhyme
When my wife found my pot, she thought it was tea.
And her employer fired her after he made her pee.
My dad caught me when I smoked my very first joint.
He blistered my buttocks, he wanted to make a point.
He also gave me a lecture about how dope users never win.
The next week he caught me smoking pot and he blistered my butt again.
When he was done, my butt was bright red.
He spanked me so hard that my butt bled.
He thought that I'd quit because twice I was caught.
He thought that I'd stop smoking weed but I did not.
I no longer pay for marijuana because I grow my own.
The cops just found it and I'll lose all that I've grown.
The cops are confiscating my crop and they're arresting me.
I'll see you in ten years because that's when I will be set free.
(This is a fictional poem and I believe that smoking marijuana is wrong.)
Categories:
spanked, dad, drug, funny, prison,
Form:
Rhyme
FORGIVE ME THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN THROUGH THIS WHOLE SEX THING,
DON'T KNOW OF THESE ORGIES OR THE BACUS PARTIES,
DON'T KNOW OF SOME OTHER WOMAN'S CURVES,
OF SOME OTHER SCENT, EITHER STRONG OR WEAK,
DON'T KNOW OF THE WETNESS OF SOME OTHER VAGINA,
NOT ABOUT TWO MEN IN ME,
MORE THAN A SINGLE ***** TOUCHING MY FEELINGS.
NO, UNFORTUNATELY I DIDN'T HAVE THESE PLEASURES
FROM THE HOOKERS,
WHIPS, ECSTASY,THREESOMES, SWING.
SORRY, I DON'T KNOW THESE BEDS,
WASN'T LUCKY ENOUGHT TO HAVE THAT KIND OF COURAGE.
NEVER GOT BEAT UP WITH A BELT,
NEVER HUNG ON THE CEILING,
NEVER STUFFED ME WITH DRUGS,
NEVER SAW UNREALISTIC IMAGES
NOR SAID ABUSIVE WORDS
WHILE THEY CALLED ME WHORE
OR WHILE THEY SPANKED ME
IN SEARCH OF A MASOQUIST PLEASURE.
POOR ME, NEVER BROKE THE TABOOS
CUMMING IN SOMEONE I BARELY KNOW,
NEVER TASTED DOZENS OF DIFFERENT NUDES,
RAGGED TIMES TEN INSIDE OUT
FOR BEING DRENCHED IN DIFFERENT SPERMS,
HAVING COUPLES BETWEEN MY LEGS
THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE NAMES,
WHERE THEY LIVE, WHAT THEY WEAR OR WHAT THEY EAT.
NEVER PIERCED ME WITH PINS
THEY HAVE NEVER MADE ME A TOY.
NEVER TASTED AN ******
WITH PUBLIC WATCHING,
NEVER ENDED WITH APPLAUSE,
NEVER TRIPPED ON EXHAUSTED MEN
LYING ON MY LIVING ROOM RUG,
DRUNK FROM ALCOHOL
BURNING FROM ALL THEIR HOLES...
I HAVE JUST WHISPERED " I LOVE YOU" ,
ABSORBED ONE MANS JOY,
DROVE MY NAILS IN JUST ONE BODY,
RIPPED A FEW SHIRTS,
ANSWERED TO JUST AN UNIQUE TOUCH.
I HAVE ONLY MEMORIZED HIS SIGNALS,
HIS SCARS
AND I HAVE ONLY KNOWN HIS CARNIVALS,
HIS FAULTS,
HIS MOANS AND HIS MANY GROANS.
WHAT A SHAME THAT I HAVE BEEN A GEISHA
FOR ONLY ONE MANS DESIRE
AND ONE IRRESISTIBLE "LET ME...".
BACK, SIDE, FRONT
ABOVE, BELOW, IN BETWEEN
I HAVE BEEN WHAT HE WANTED ME TO BE;
DAME, PROSTITUTE, ANIMAL, HUMAN
LADY, CRETIN, FATAL AND SWEET
BUT ALWAYS HIS,
NAKED ONLY IN FRONT OF HIM...
BUT NOW, WHAT WILL WE DO?
I STILL CAN LEARN ABOUT SEX
BUT WHO COULD TEACH HIM LOVE?
PATRICIA EVANS
Categories:
spanked, angst, inspirational, life, love,
Form:
Free verse
(for Jon Accomando)
mine was the last generation to be spanked. sensuous and real, w/ corporal punishment— at
least you felt something.
sadly, it too has been corrupted.
in the new violence no one raises a hand— eyebrows and whispers, an errant son reclaimed?
“fr yr own good. for your own.”
i am somebody’s son.
no.
i am in the living room, barely. the remote in johnny’s hand, an extension? new american
phallus, contoured to fit your palm.
push the button. change the channel. roll over and fall asleep. it’s all been said, done.
it’s the weight of history that crushes us. maybe a.d.d. will cure us of our inertia. maybe.
maybe is democracy in ashes.
no.
the cat is sleeping, quietly by the fire. i remember envying him once; a quiet life, pins
and needles— i was born for.
the cat is neutered. he spends more time licking himself now, and he’s grown fat.
we’re not so different really.
i am willing the embers from the fire in his direction.
i asked johnny once, “if you could make the world anew, shinny and perfect...”
his face lights up in anticipation. a million abstractions, he’s been waiting all his life.
“what would you keep the same?”
he doesn’t know.
“Television. I would keep Television.”
my face is gently bashed in.
oh, mild america...
one day, when the oil runs out and the apartment buildings reach the sky things will
change, they have to.
where there was silence—whispers. a fast talker now a lisper. whisper down the cities.
shudder down the buildings.
man’s love, man’s work- is made worthless. we’ve been pissing and moaning so long that
it’s coming out screams and yawns.
no.
blessed! we are blessed!
w/ suffering and desire.
w/ big macs and rubbing thighs.
w/ quiet eyes and shaky hands.
w/ heartache and lone.
w/ genitals in my coffee.
w/ 10,000 thoughts in my pockets.
the simulacra of the ‘good life’ is a pacifier. i’ve had enough.
no.
no. no. no. no. no.
in the living room i am empowered. i have willed an ember from the fire onto the cat.
kindly he remains asleep.
i told johnny “the cat is on fire.”
johnny nodded.
the cat continued to burn.
Categories:
spanked, allegory, cat, fire, cat,
Form:
Blank verse
Tale of a Squirrel's Tail
There once was a very impudent squirrel
pretending to be an innocent girl
she wore a blonde wig
tried to act so big
dancing and prancing, giving life a whirl
One day I caught her peeping at my sill
gave me an evil eye...if looks could kill
shot back with a frown
had to take her down
I'll get that meddlesome squirrel. Yes, I will
She's not naive like sweet lil Goldilocks
but was wily like a devious fox
no porridge she'd find
I spanked her behind
with the heel of my brand new rubber crocs
She screamed at me until her face turned blue
"I'll get even with you, before I'm through!"
Oh, she is quite nuts
She limps 'steada struts
Whiney baby was crying, "Boo hoo hoo."
She cursed naughty words and off she scurried
Twitching her bushy tail as she hurried
I'd no cause to fret
Rodent trap was set
Tonight I'll feast on squirrel that's been curried
^..^ ^..^
4/27/17
For Jan Allison
syllables of 10-10-5-5-10
Categories:
spanked, humor,
Form:
Limerick
Let me..
tie you up
using a thick
chain
So you'll
remain
in the position
i choose
don't fight me
cuz you'll lose
caught in black
leather strappings
Trapping you
to my ceiling
Im feeling
rather naughty
Covering you
in whipped cream
Such a wet dream
Licking it off
with my tongue
has got you
sprung
to
a
t
t
e
n
t
i
o
n
bent over
and spanked
with a whip
Oops I let my
fingers slip
below
Letting you know
whos the master
Come beg me
to rub you
harder
and
faster
as the nipple
clamps
stamps down
tight
My excitement
takes flight
Oh the pleasure
I gain
from your
pain
drives me
insane
with a flogger
I flick and
tease
bringing you
to your
knees
begging for
permission
to please
Me
with tape over
your mouth
I cant
hear your
pleads
Beads of
the ****
kind
you'll find
lodged inside
I hope you
dont mind
;)
Categories:
spanked, sexy,
Form:
Free verse