Best Shopping Mall Poems

The following poem was written at the request of my wife and it is intended to be ‘gently mocking’ in its style. 
The reader MUST stroll though it for that purpose alone. 


A long time ago, when with my mother, I went
On a shopping trip...

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Today I went to the shopping mall
A few items I needed to purchase
I decided to have a coffee and snack
Then went to Tim Horton's to order
Paid for it then walked to an area
Where I could enjoy my coffee and snack
There wasn't anywhere to sit down...

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Sing along with this to the tune of "Jingle Bells"

Shopping in the mall
In a rush to buy the clothes
or the sales we go
charging all the clothes.
Bills on credit high
making payments low
what fun it is to shop and charge
Until the bill is due.

Charge the dress, and...

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Santa is at the shopping mall
The children are all lined up
To have a visit with Santa Clause
Taking turns to sit on his knee
Telling him of Christmas gifts
To be put underneath the tree

After their visit with Santa
A photo is taken together 
To bring home with them
As...

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How does he choose his victim?
The police are baffled.
Six cases.
Six different women.
One old, one extremely young, the others 33, 45, 68 and 84.
Most of these guys have a type. This one doesn’t.
They are a variety of ethnic groups, different hair color. 
Different body types, one...

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Remember Christmas shopping?
I mean in stores full of shoppers
- there was music in the air and
some shops had free hot-chocolate
while others offered hot cinnamon 
apple-cider and ginger-reindeer cookies

Parents would have to wait outside stores
because the whole expedition was surreptitious
- you shielded your gift bags from...

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It's Saturday morning and off we go to the mall
The traffic just to get there is painfully slow
Upon arrival, it seems that parking spots are tough to be found
Up and down the rows of vehicles we finally get a break, someone is homeward-bound
As we enter...

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Well done, she said. 
Smiling her biggest smile.
I have never seen anyone else wear it like that!
There are other ways to wear a skirt?
On a head? Or a shoulder perhaps?

You should buy it! She sang out gleefully.
It looks great! Another stranger told me.
Turn around! The...

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Big sale. Buy Two get one free
I race across the mall aisle and stare at an empty shelf
What had they been selling? I glance around for clues.
They sell phone covers, socks, and bras, so I wonder…was it
 Valentines Day phone covers, Santa Socks,  4th...

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