Best Seltzer Poems
Naked Clowns Demented Brother
Alas one disaster follows another,
naked clown - demented brother
dancing for the heads of state
asleep with faces in their plate
and as the rubber chicken stretches
they send again the fool who fetches
red noses from downtrodden wretches
to decorate the wedding cakes
join the real to crumbling fakes
camouflage who gives and takes
shifting weight of global heat
melting shoes on city street
to shrinking ice caps tidal creep
rising under Al Gore’s jeep
clowns, they squeeze their bulbous horns,
geneticize the rose – no thorns
while warning us of sunless dawns
their seltzer bottles but a prop
sprayed on a fire that won’t stop
its cindering of nature’s crop
Alas, the clowns will all save face
disappear without a trace
disguise their noses as thorn-less roses
post naked “selfies” in heroes poses
Alas one disaster follows another,
naked clown – demented brother.
John G. Lawless
©7/13/2017
Categories:
seltzer, bullying, confusion, humor, power,
Form:
Political Verse
July fireworks bring together families and friends
for a much needed vacation from worries and work.
Picnics at and on the lake just for memorie's fond taking.
I remember the days of old when watching a movie
outside amongs't the stars and moon.
Playground equipment of a slide and swing
nestled right next to an entraptment framed
sandbox.Oh to be youthful and exuberent again.
Lightening bugs flickering into the night.
Today's movies consist of many smaller theatres
jam-crammed tighter together than a can of
sardines. An alignment of multifleck'd multiplex
light beamed shows across the screens.
Remember when Fizzies were the rage-Just
dropp them in a glass of water and sniff the
boquet of different fruit flavored bubbles would
tickle the nose. Ah yes, different flavors of instant
soda pop in a colored aluminum or plastic glass.
Just like Alka-Seltzer-only better tasting.
Can you remember back wearing shorts and
igniting sparklers and black pills of instant snakes
arising from the sidewalks or street.
Yes those times were just real amazin', and real, real neat.
Categories:
seltzer, childhood, happiness, nostalgia, uplifting,
Form:
their straw like green stem
sucks up the seltzer water in the vase
and spritzes VanGogh sunflowers
Categories:
seltzer, art, flower, funny,
Form:
Haiku
Hi tiddley hi ti I'm all right
I needed a mai tai, keeps me tight
I'm a waking winky -- got a belly ache
I think a Bromo-Seltzer is what I'll take.
Categories:
seltzer, drink, fun, games, giggle,
Form:
Quatrain
Sitting in the “Peanut Gallery” in the centre of Doodyville
Clutching my Clarabell Clown Marionette , such a Thrill
No tangled strings, on my gift from Mom and Dad Vacing
Buffalo Bob says ”Please put on a show” my Heart Racing
Tight in his right hand my Clarabell holds; the “Talking Horn”
Clarabell”s form of speech : his seltzer bottle filled that Morn,
Hanging from his waist. My Clarabell, Sprayed Clarabell’s Face
I walk Clarabell back to the Gallery, Tears of joy upon my Face
When I got Home my teacher said Bring Clarabell to School
I put on a show, the teacher and the Children say “Harry, that was cool”
Walking through the rubble, I scoop ashes from my bedroom floor
I wonder : did his Horn go off ?, when the fire burst through the Door
My Clarabell saw nine sunsets, ten times Clarabell saw the early morning SUN
Do not shed any tears of Sorrow, Mom and Dad : Bought me another One
Inspired by the Contest : " TOYLAND " Sponsored by Linda-Marie
The " SweetHeart of POETRY SOUP " (and Me)
Dedicated to Patricia and Thomas Vacing ~~ MOM and DAD ~~
Categories:
seltzer, childhood, happinessmom, dad, teacher,
Form:
Rhyme
A stomach virus laid me out,
My husband down as well
And then we were surprised to hear
Somebody ring the bell.
Two bags delivered to our door
With Gatorade and soup,
Saltines and even Alka-Seltzer,
Quite a sickbed group.
Our son arranged to save the day
With Amazon – the Prime –
To help recuperation
And give fodder for my rhyme!
Categories:
seltzer, sick, son,
Form:
Rhyme
Let's bow our heads and pray
Today's Thanksgiving day.
Poor old turkey got the axe
Bet he wished he'd never been hatched.
Turkey, mashed potatoes, yams
Consume mass quantities but never ham.
Eat too much and pop your zipper
"Hey Honey, where's the Alka Seltzer"?
Josette Davis Key 2013
Categories:
seltzer, autumn, food, holiday, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
Your tiny symbols make me squint and squall.
The eyes are getting older after all.
I'm cool enough to text.
But what do I push next?
I need a kid to show me how to call!
for contest"Techno-Limerick"
sponsored by Carolyn Devonshire
Categories:
seltzer, funny, life, me,
Form:
Limerick
Martine
Timid, reliable, emotional, observant
Wife of Nathan Church
Lover of time management games, cooking competitions and giggle smoke
Who feels anxious, determined, inspired
Who needs attention, La Croix seltzer water, and yoga tights
Who gives thanks to God
Who fears natural disasters, highways and falling off the wagon....again
Who would like to see all disease extinct
A resident of Orlando
Lincifort-Church
Categories:
seltzer,
Form:
Bio
Take me back to a time when have a Pepsi was for merry people at Christmas,
When General Electric fairy lights hung on real trees and pine needles fell,
Father Christmas smoked Pall Mall cigarettes because they were the smoothest,
A present of Tupperware for your mum was the very best present in the world.
Back to a time when Lional train sets made a man of a boy and a boy of a man,
Sammy Davis took Alka Seltzer as it eased his holiday headaches making him well,
Where Tide washing powder made every husband the most smartest man in every town,
And another happy chubby Father Christmas drank Coca Cola because it was the best.
A time when lorries slowly drove along roads selling wood for Christmas real fires,
A new Hoover would take care of any mess that was caused by the most crowded party,
Carlings Red Cap beer was the perfect drink for the perfect party with no hang overs,
And Crushed Rose Lipstick and transformed every woman from a house wife to a princess.
Woman should gain weight stop being skinny and tired with a plan that made you fat,
But the best of all were cock-eyed, cross-eyed glasses that made your eyes look normal,
And Woolworth's was the shop to buy all your Christmas presents to delight your family,
But for a young boy the best present he could ever get in his life was a new bicycle.
Categories:
seltzer, history, christmas, time, christmas,
Form:
Prose Poetry
I see you hipsters in rustic coffee shops with pictures of Marlyn Monroe and contemporary art,
the girl in all black with a black beret to make her look more avant-garde and red colored hair that was obviously bought from a drugstore. Strolling through the downtown streets wearing swedish backpacks that are a statement piece for impracticality for they are not large enough to hold textbooks but are meant only for small sentiments of music and poetry. Their fishnet stockings that only go up a little past the ankles to be seen out of the tops of Doc Martens shining against the sips of a blue moon witbier brew. Drinking lacroix which in my opinion tastes like a substitute for watered down alka-seltzer or more like sprite without flavor. Listening to their radiohead and pink floyd and nirvana in a fervorous rage against conformity or simply riding a chill wave through the early 2000’s. The boy with his colorful button downs buttoned all the way to the very top- which is somewhat strangulation because I have tried it myself. Where they occupy their bookshelves with paperbacks of Jack kerouac and John Green while looking for Alaska on the road travelling through paper towns. I see you modern day rebels wearing your frown with a fedora or newsboy cap which never looks as good as you think they might because newsboys no longer exist like that. Beanies that hang off the back of your heads while you wait in line for your frappuccino to condense. Hanging from the ceiling are small cactuses and crystals among bouquets of dried roses and daisies. Flowers and succulents are to be cherished like baby from dirty dancing who never gets put in the corner along with the Buddha and Billie Eilish although no one ever really went through with the eightfold path because it took too damn long and besides Kurt kobain turned out to be a saint anyway.
Categories:
seltzer, art, community, culture, fashion,
Form:
Prose Poetry
Bow your head and pray
Today's Thanksgiving day.
Poor turkey felt the axe
Bet he's sorry he ever hatched.
Mashed potatoes, gravy, yams
Consume mass quantities (But never ham)
Eat real fast and clean your plate
Soon you'll have a tummy ache.
Belch and moan and pop your zipper
'Hey hon, where's the Alka Seltzer?'
Categories:
seltzer, food, funny, people, thanksgiving,
Form:
From Queens to Manhattan, I rode the subway.
I will never forget that late spring day,
when I walked into that Greenwich Village café.
This young girl practically stole my heart away.
With a long white dress, and a six string guitar,
she was just another wannabe star.
I was sitting not far away from her at the bar.
Between sips of my glass of seltzer,
I listened to each sweet note sung by her.
The end of her performance brought a light ovation.
She sat next to me for some casual conversation.
After an informal introduction came a sweet little smile.
I was attracted to her all the while,
even though she was Jewish, and I a gentile.
I told her I also performed in a band.
She wrote her phone number on my left hand.
Everything with this female appeared just right.
I asked if I could see her tomorrow night.
She emphatically said “okay” and smiled with delight.
Later that night, disappointment would encumber.
When I tried to call her, I got a wrong number.
Categories:
seltzer, lost lovesweet, sweet,
Form:
Rhyme
PEPTO BISMOL said to her friend, "MLANTA's coming over, what should I serve?"
Her friend replied, "Perhaps your ANTACID would like a PRILOZEC salad, if she has ZANTAC
of her TUMS. If she's not hungry, you could take her to the MAAL OXspecially since you
need to get some new ROLAIDS for your car"
"Yes, but the GAS-X so costly! I don't know if I have enough PEPSID in my car to get there.
It LACTAID the last time I went to the store to get MILK OF MAGNESIA for PHILLIPS. And
what if the lunch GAVISON upset stomuch?"
"Well, you could TAGAMENT along for her, especially if she's BEANO...full of ALKA SELTZER!"
"That sounds crazy!" said PEPTO BISMOL.
"Well, IMMODIUM giving you some suggestions!"
Categories:
seltzer, funny, health, imagination
Form:
Narrative
feeling pangs of lust
in the pit of my stomach
took seltzer water
could be mistaken for love
or having eaten oysters
SECOND PLACE WINNER
written May 28, 2021
for "Tanka" Poetry Contest
sponsored by M.L. Kiser
Categories:
seltzer, love, lust, sick,
Form:
Tanka