Best Red Tape Poems
It seems it takes reams of paperwork to get things done nowadays.
You can become so snarled in red tape that it'll leave you in a daze!
I wonder how Noah would've coped with such onerous fiddle-faddle,
Had panels and boards been involved to design for him a simple paddle!
Did he have building codes and hordes of bureaucrats to appease,
Or pesky environmentalists hugging the gopherwood trees?
Was there an OSHA lurking about enforcing inane regulations?
Such balderdash would've added to his heap of frustrations!
Was an ASPCA "watchdog" there fretting about all the creatures,
Insisting that cages and stalls have the latest comfort features?
Was their a labor union hovering nigh demanding a living wage?
Such piffle would've launched Noah into a towering rage!
Had Noah heeded those who showered him with sneer and scorn,
Or had he drowned in seas of red tape to stifle his Godly bourne,
He might've been discouraged and cancelled the whole affair.
That could've spelled doom for humankind right then and there!
But Noah's Boss, that Master Architect superintending from Above,
Gave Noah the specifications and a not too gentle shove!
Noah, Japheth, Ham and Shem hustled and the Ark soon took shape.
'Twas built on schedule, with no cost overruns and no red tape!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
Asset rich and cash poor
Farming’s now a constant war
Stupid rules; I’ve had enough
It’s getting hard and bloody rough.
More rules and forms come everyday
A thousand bastards want their say!
Some greenie wants to save my trees
Another thinks I’m killing bees.
Needs records now for spreading fert
Fence creeks and streams, yes every squirt.
Fluoro signs for all the dangers
Map some nature, for DOC rangers.
Give Queens chain access to the water
Whoops! Electric fence just zapped your daughter
Should I try and stop the sun
Would hate a “guest” to burn his bum.
Need consent now to change your view
SAFE cries foul on baa-ing ewes.
Should I read to stock at night?
Not too scary. Can’t cause them fright.
Drought.
Decision made. Poor stock to sale
Yay! Some do good bastard threatened jail.
Everyone is taking aim
Shall I hang my head in shame?
Got some weeds, must get them gone
So I spray them. I’m still wrong!
On a quad? Well protect your noggin’
I suppose next they'll want a public floggin’
Give me space to do my job
Right, sod off now and shut your gob.
* Department of Conservation
** The equivalent of PETA
Why Is Red Tape Is Red
Now why would you say red tape is red.
All I wanted was a form to be signed.
First It had to be copied, so I was led
To a copy machine without a mind.
After a few tries, the machine did work,
And I went on to the desk for the stamp.
The clerk was filing her 2 inch nails,
But I waited for the little t…..
From there I was directed to a department chief.
He smiled and said “We’re closed.
Come back at 3:00 and we’ll help you out.”
And then he just scratched his nose.
At 3:00 sharp I returned to the line;
A red headed girl gushed over me.
All at once I didn’t really mind.
If I got bogged down so very sweetly.
So guess that’s why red tape is red;
I married the girl with the bright red head.
If you care to look in your cupboards,
You might doubt being out of bed,
As all you will see is red.
If you rush to the bathroom cupboards,
For something to keep you out of bed,
You may start to wonder if you are dead,
As all you find there is red,
If you dare to open more cupboards,
You may well end up under the bed,
Where you will find only more red.
When you have opened all your cupboards,
And established you are indeed out of bed,
Proof that you are alive not dead,
But have cupboards full of tape that is red.
Now will you clean out your cupboards,
When you come out from under the bed,
And stop acting like a bureaucrat who only uses tape that is red.
If you care to restock your cupboards,
Instead of going back to bed,
You will no longer think you are dead,
Your family will be well fed,
And you will no longer be seeing red.
They move through the maze,
Papers wavering like
thin-skinned truth,
Each signature a quiet uprising
Against the slow- grinding
Manuel Materials
That call themselves order.
Their voices catch on procedural
irritants
Cracked syllables lagged
Across desks,
Needs folded into Manila envelopes
That wander office to office
Like pilgrims pleading for
Charity.
Red tape coils around them-
A serpent made of statues,
A ribbon intertwined from regulations,
A binding charm diffuse by
Hands
That promise representation
But deliver hesitation.
Paper pushers sit behind the
Writing desks,
Shuffling lives like loose
Documents,
Moving stacks instead of
Solutions,
Measuring urgency in forms
And stamps,
Instead of human obligations
Still they push forward,
Bearing the bulk of civic expectations,
That drag of political formality,
The discomfort of being heard
Only after being processed.
And in the end,
Their persistence becomes revelation-
Proof that even disordered
Systems
Cannot silence a people
Who declines to be filed away.