Best Pests Poems
'Tis another glorious spring and I planted my garden with the expectation,
That I shall reap a bountiful harvest for my table with minimum frustration!
I planted the usual stuff - carrots, radishes, onions and termaters,
Watermelons, peas, corn, beans and a few hills of russet pertaters.
With the Good Lord's help, lots of sun and occasional showers of rain,
The seeds sprang to life along with some curses that are my infernal bane!
I've discovered that I have a healthy crop of weeds that need attention,
And a host of other intrusive visitors that I'll proceed to mention!
I was dismayed to discover legions of caterpillars and mealy bugs,
Pruning my plants along with hordes of ugly snails and slimy slugs!
They're even being attacked from below by gophers and moles,
And from above by crows making diving sorties from the clothesline poles!
'Coons, 'possums and wabbits at raiding my garden are very deft,
And armies of well-disciplined ants are gleaning what is left!
I even caught some nasty little kids filching a watermelon last night!
I chased them but those little dudes took off with the speed of light!
With a storm of wind and hail this morn I saw all my labor disappear!
Come next spring I think I shall opt to sit on the patio and guzzle beer!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Batman had some guests who outdid their stay
By making a muddle with their foul play
Robin was first, yet his diet of late
Were larva and worms that slid off his plate
Spiderman came without hesitation
Except his kids caused an infestation
By crawling about for a place to spin
And webbing the doors so none could get in
He welcomed Green Hornet as a fond guest
But not all his tiny flying pet pests
Ant-man and The Wasp also brought their kids
Which added hundreds of problems, they did
As Batman fluttered behind them that night
He couldn’t refrain from taking a bite
Of heroic spawn in many guises
Coz they bugged Batman and came in pint sizes
5/14/15
For Comic Book Character Contest
rat with bushy tail
mesh trap black hole for squirrels
swimming school failures
Brian Johnston
October 22, 2015
Bugs, bugs that go thump in the nights
bugs, bugs do they give you a frights?
Bugs, bugs, you'll need some bats,
unless the so called bugs are rats.
Rats, rats, those nasty little things
rats, rats diseases they brings.
Rats, rats, you'll need some cats,
but those cats will hide in your hats.
Cats, cats, those cute little things
cats, cats loving and purrs they brings.
Cats, cats they can't hide in the hats
that have been eaten by the rats.
Fleas, fleas those blood thirsty thieves,
fleas, fleas they ignore our pleas,
blood they drink from the rats, and cats,
they bug in the furs, and bug in the hats.
Tis the season for frightful bugs,
found one in my bed,
even in my rug,
they seem to turn up everywhere,
even in the breath mint in my mouth,
even heard one in the rhythm
of my clock,
the other day went walking
only to discover one in my sock,
then I tried to kill it,
but they're hard as a rock,
one time one was on my plate,
and I almost ate it
thinking it was a grape,
Now listen up,
you little blood sucking pests,
I will hunt you down
till I get no rest!
Its bad enough that its allergy season,
we don't want any of your diseases!
Might use some bloodhounds
to help track them down,
if only we could annihilate them,
all throughout the town,
then they'd finally be extinct,
and people and dogs everywhere
would no longer be forlorn and frown,
but if I need professional help
guess I'll call an exterminator,
and if that doesn't work,
I'll get Arnold the terminator!
outside my window
I see them colluding
plotting and scheming
obviously planning
for some mischievous purpose
to take over the world
they're quiet now but not for long
soon I know they'll set their plan in motion
and who knows what trouble they'll get into
AP: 1st place 2022
~~ In the glorious garden of life, stalkers are the weeds, slugs and snails ~~
Winter's gone and soon shall Spring.
Summer's close, on doors upcoming.
Wonder what its wings to bring but
awful pests and cheeks with stings
We see them all as pests to be destroyed.
For they feed upon our food crops galore.
And invade all our homes by the score.
They bite and sting and this we can’t avoid
So poisonous chemicals must be employed.
Daily we spray these insects more and more
As our inventive ways come to the fore
To make their reproduction then fall void.
But we are focussing on self-interests
Thinking that we now can control nature.
We will rid our world of these wretched pests.
With clever chemicals we’ll be master.
And soon bring an end to all those insects
As we are in command of Earth's future.
Honest salesman is a semi-oxymoron
Just like an honest politician
Please do not laugh, all lawyers or
Accountants are not crooks. When the door
Is wide open a mouse, a rat, a cockroach
Would me more than happy to approach
Some politicians have tried to be better
And more credible. Some are men/women of honor
However, others are pathological liars
They are professionals who behave like traitors
They think that the "truth is not the truth". They're confused
Lies are lies. Dogs are dogs. Politicians play politics
Call the exterminators to annihilate the ticks
Liars always ignore the truth. Please, let's not mused
In politics, it is probably not easy to be too honest
Because so much is involved. Let's chase the pests
The corrupt politicians who are ruining everything
And destroying the dream. Let them flee. Let's ring
The bells. Not all politicians are crooked or criminals
That's true. I am not lying, just check the election polls.
Copyright © November 2018, Hébert Logerie, All rights reserved.
Hébert Logerie is the author of several books of poetry.
THE HIPPOPOTOMOUSE
A rare and dangerous species
is the hippopotomouse
If you get one in your attic
Then you’d better leave your house.
Fruit flies are buzzing all around me constantly.
Bed bugs won't allow me to get any sleep,
and cockroaches are infesting every thing that I eat.
How much longer before I lose what's left of my sanity?
Putin would obliterate Earth
Kim Jong-Un denies Earth has worth
They want to destroy
Every girl and boy
They should try killing flies in Perth!
(and/or mosquitoes everywhere)
Mosquitoes rarely come at you, face to face. This is a classic sneak-attack kinda enemy, often found behind one's head, or about navel height. After a year in these tropics doing missionary work, I use DARKNESS as cover. The cellphone LIGHT attracts the enemy who shows himself as a deer in the headlights. But my advice to others: do not carry a heavy towel, as one must be versatile and ready to swing the towel deftly this way & that. Amazingly, one or two have escaped me by hiding on the back of the door (I usually go room by room, shutting each door to be alone with the enemy). During the day they remain indoors, biding their time, savoring my blood (& yours!). The poem or Limerick, posted on Valentine's Day - yes, Love - did not say it all. We got to remember, fight in the dark. Maybe a miner's helmet is a great gift to missionaries. Mail them to me at 11 Carnation St. Fort Beaufort, 5720. E.C., RSA. shalomShalOm
LIMERICK to PLEASE
A man with towel and cellphone
Returned with news, The enemy's gone!
Locking the bedroom door
He'd piled bodies on the floor
But Zweeee! He forgot one last one
P.S. Although some violence is necessary with these battles, you noticed I have avoided sprays and insecticides that hurt human and Nature - especially products called by names such as "Doom." Whose doom... I wonder?
Dandelions are Mother Nature’s gold medallions,
Hated by master landscapers as obnoxious weeds
Marching across manicured lawns like battalions,
A whiff of wind releases thousands of their seeds.
written January 27, 2022