Best Optician Poems
Battle Rap
...poet in da house...
Now have a listen, for I’ll be a kissing…I’m on a mission
And you’ll be a pissing your hemolysin…a smelly emission
My words glisten worth the admission…full of ammunition
You’re under submission a life in prison…meet the mortician
Like a magician I’ll take over your vision…call your optician
You’ll be wishing you had a cosmetician…here’s my aesthetician
~~~
Like Mohamed Ali sting you like a bee…crush you like a flea
You’ll sing like a banshee on a screaming spree…cause I’m beastly
Like Mike Tyson run you like a bison…your blood I’ll syphon
Can’t handle my slicing with every word I ripen…I’m the word titan
Like Frank Sinatra and his mafia from Italia…will give you insomnia
In my euphoria and with your apaxia…you’ll be living with anoxia
~~~
You’re an agitator I’m a decorator…a word builder an innovator
I’m a verse creator a rebuilder renovator…a word generator
I have ambition you need a beautician…an ugly position
In my coalition you need permission…luck with the audition
I’m not a hater just much greater…a smooth operator
Like a Terminator I’ll see you later…your exterminator
~~~
I’LL BE BACH!!!
I'm not really a rapper...just having fun lol
May.16.2018
8 Mile Style Poetry
Sponsored by: Nick Trim
Categories:
optician, fun, rap,
Form:
Rhyme
Limerick multiplication : Once an optimistic Optician
for Elodie
Once an optimistic Optician
Looked deep into her Client’s vision
Saw worlds unknown to her
And lost her way back here
Client left her in utter confusion
or
Client left but stark pessimism
or
Now straddles acute astigmatism
or
Now suffers from divided attention
or
Now has gone on a mystic mission
or
Optician and Client in mutation
or
Now both revel in sacred damnation
or
Client made Optician eye donation
or
Now both sell eye-drops in collusion
or
Now Client gives Optician eye lotion
or
Now Client gives lessons in eye motion
or
Optician gives Client sole solution
or
Client then rubs Optician in the shin
or
Optician then throws Client in the bin.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013
Categories:
optician, fun, , cute,
Form:
Limerick
There was an optician somewhat blind
Whose patients found him easy to malign.
So he gave rose-colored glasses
A move that calmed the masses.
Now his practice has become sublime.
Categories:
optician, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
Unquotable quotes – XIII
Follow love for it’s free, free love and it’ll flee.
Do unto others as you would have them undress you.
Easy come, eenie meenie mini go.
Practice makes sex a maniac.
God helps those who help ten elves.
Never kiss a gift horse in the mouth.
People who live in glass houses should not throw boomerangs.
Two heads are no better than none.
Actions speak louder than burps.
A watched pot suffers from boils.
You can’t make a cutlet without breaking legs.
Hang on the hand that feeds you.
All good things must come to a fiend.
If you can’t beat ‘em, grind ‘em.
If it ain’t broke, don’t make it work.
Dislocation is the greater part of valour.
There’s no place like eohm.
A picture is worth a thousand broads.
Better late than dump her.
The pen is mightier than the sword for those who’re
illiterate.
One man’s trash is another man’s pleasure.
Beauty is in the dye of the painter.
Myopia is the mother of the optician.
Familiarity breeds when people camp unkempt.
Good things come to those who know how to put on weight.
A drain is only as long as the longest drink.
Absence makes the heart go ablunder.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him blink.
In teaching others we teach ourselves to teach others.
If you want something done Right, don’t look to the Left.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2016
Categories:
optician, education, humor, inspirational, parody,
Form:
Epigram
I’ve had my eyes tested
And I am 20/20
I am not short sighted
Nor long sighted
My eyes are healthy
There is no glaucoma
No floaters
Nor cataracts
My sight is perfect
So why is it
When I look at you
I see an angel
When you are anything but
I asked the optician
Why, with such perfect vision,
Can I not see betrayal?
He told me
That I have perfect vision
Its just rose tinted
Categories:
optician, love
Form:
I once dated a weatherman
At first he had a sunny outlook…
He had our future all mapped out
But he suffered periods of deep depression so our relationship got rained off
I once dated an optician
He said he could see our future was together
But soon I stopped wearing rose tinted glasses ...
He was always smashed and making a spectacle of himself
I once dated a librarian
He claimed he was an open book
But I couldn’t cope with the periods of intense silence
So the writing was on the wall and I threw the book at him
I once dated a farmer
He ploughed straight into our relationship
But I discovered he was a muck spreader
And when he started playing the field I ditched him
I once dated a baker
He was very upper crust and well bred
But he couldn’t get his dough to rise
So I toasted his future and said goodbye
I once dated a hairdresser
He was very trim and didn’t have a hair out of place
But he was always making cutting comments
So I cut the relationship short
I once dated a doctor
He had a wonderful bedside manner and he made my temperature rise
But he became very cold and started injecting poison
I lost my ‘patient’s’ and got sick of him so I gave him the cold shoulder
I once dated a barman
He wore very attractive glasses
But he was always on the pull
So I gave him sort measures and 'called time' on our relationship
I once dated a retired policeman
He was an arresting sight
But when he took down his particulars
His truncheon was all floppy – so I bailed out
N/A in Just make me laugh Contest judged on 08/30/16
Submitted to take the dagger from my heart please contest
Sponsored by Broken Wings
27th August 2016
Categories:
optician, humorous, jobs, relationship,
Form:
Free verse
Ms. Dolly has something with things
that a naked eye can’t see.
Once she went for dinner;
a charming date,
and a plate of fine cuisine.
A plate of tilapia fish was right in front of her.
She could see an eye looking straight
at her – still and unblinking. She felt as though
the fish was staring right at her.
She gasped in terror,
as though she had seen a ghost.
“Are you okay dear?” her lover asked.
“It’s the fish!” she said.
Her lover thought that it was the pepper;
he ordered her another fish,
this time without pepper. Another still,
unblinking eye she saw – she gasped once
again.
“What’s wrong now, honey?” he asked.
“The eyes!” she said, her face
flashing in terror.
Her lover then thought her eyes had a problem.
“I’ll get you the best optician in town,” he promised her.
“I can’t stand all what I’m seeing!” she said, amid
breaking whispers….
Date of Entry: 8/27/2016
Categories:
optician, fear, funny, humor, humorous,
Form:
Narrative
We started up this charity when
We heard of the hedgehogs plight
There’s twenty thousand creatures
That get flattened every night
They run across the tarmac
As they head off to the wood
They never see the cars because
Their eyesight’s none too good
For hedgehogs are not clever
On the highway they can’t hack it
So we’d like to fit each one of them
With a bright fluorescent jacket
And then as we sort their clothing
And we’re measuring their chest
We can get our own optician
To perform an eyesight test
We’ll fit them all with spectacles
Glued on, so they don’t lose ‘em
And likewise with the jackets
They’ll have no choice but use ‘em
So please donate some money to
This worthwhile undertaking
It won’t be long, you’ll surely see
The difference we are making
Categories:
optician, animals, children, funny
Form:
ONE SHOULD NOT MAKE PLANS FOR TOMORROW, LIFE IS UNPREDICTABLE, THE UNEXPECTED CAN HAPPEN IN A SPLIT SECOND. “QUOTE BY POET”
I woke up to a brilliant sunny spring day,
The flowers blooming, the birds were chirping,
The tree leaves dancing to a gentle wind blowing,
Rustling their young leaves, our chime tinkling.
The jacaranda trees which looked so dashing
Giving us a glorious show, their flowers tumbling
To the ground beneath, resembling purple carpeting.
Our annual optician’s appointment was today,
So off to mall we go, reluctant to leave our patio.
We were right on time, and the optician saw me first,
All good he said after my consultation, go have fun
And choose your specs.
Whilst choosing my funky frames, a petrifying noise
Surrounded the mall, the six of us froze.
So scary ,surreal, horrendous and mind boggling,
Loud shots, automatic gun fire, people shouting,
Shots fired from where no one knew, people screaming,
We huddled under the counter, shots still ringing,
The brave receptionist ran to shut the glass door and locked it
Then ran back to join us under the counter.
Normality returned all too soon, as an elderly man who
Seemed shell shocked and disorientated, stumbled in as the
Receptionist cautiously re-opened the door. He told us the
Robbers were professionals, and were in and out in 5 minutes,
Well-rehearsed he added, and the almighty thunderous
Bangs we heard, were from hearsay, that the robbers
Shot and broke the glass display cabinets, taking
All and every piece of jewellery with them. A getaway car, revving,
In the open parking on the third floor all ready and waiting.
The jewellery shop was just above us. The ear shattering
Sounds were thus inevitable.
My thoughts however went to those terrified people shopping,
In the corridors of the mall,
Who had no shelter at all.
What happened to that wonderful sunny spring morning that I woke up to, flowers blooming, tree leaves gently swaying in the breeze and majestic jacaranda trees carpeting the ground with their purple flowers.
We are mere mortals who live on a very turbulent and troubled planet, a planet called earth.
Miraculously, no one was injured, to my knowledge.
THIS IS A TRUE STORY - IT HAPPENED TO US ON THE 30TH SEPTEMBER
Categories:
optician, scary,
Form:
Free verse
My first spectacles perched on my nose,
with frame and glasses, my first photo pose.
Optician cried," Wow!, Can you see clear now?"
"Oh Yes, my beautiful binocular,
I could see my world, all spectacular.
But my future still looked blurred
my weak eyes, cured of myopia
yearned to see an invisible utopia."
I grew old...
Sneaked in bifocals, and life changed gear.
Optician cried," dear, can you see your near?"
"Oh yes, my reading glass was crystal clear.
But why was my heart so full of fear?
With wide open eyes, I still couldn't see,
so many people who were close to me."
I grew older and older...
My retinal sight, now had vision of night.
Cold darkness spread in broad daylight.
Unlimited vision, I could see a closing door,
waiting for the day...I wouldn't see anymore.
Categories:
optician, age, death, emotions, fear,
Form:
Rhyme
Colourless
Woke up
It was morning
And I was
Colour blind
The optician
Had no glasses
For this
Illness
I bought
A kaleidoscope
The world I see
Is crazier than I thought
Categories:
optician, beauty, blessing, blue,
Form:
Chastushka
LOVE IN POST WORLD WAR 11
3rd and final episode of trilogy
My Grandfather was incredibly anglicised
Studied in London and qualified as an optician
My mother learnt English at school,
She was my Grandfather’s jewel!
He arranged a huge party for the British boys
That brought them freedom from evil convoys
Liberation, was followed almost immediately,
By a civil war, totally savage,
Which besides causing destruction
Brought a great deal of
Human death and anguish.
They killed many, my grandmother shopping
One day at the grocers watched something horrific,
A pregnant woman bayoneted, my gran fainted.
She was asked to be a witness for the
Families were well acquainted!
The day of the party arrived,
And my mom, already a beautiful girl, preened all day,
She hoped the young chap would come, she was a ray
Of sunshine, flitting to and fro seeing to her guests,
Weaving in and out of dancing couples, when she felt a tap
On her shoulder and there he was ,her handsome soldier,
Asking her for a dance,
They fell in love at a single glance.
The courtship lasted 18 months, my grandfather ecstatic
Of her choice – they got married in Greece
The country in peace, and the lovers at peace.
They traveled to Cyprus, England, Rhodesia, Zambia
And finally, South Africa.
Somewhere along the line I was born,
You see, I still have you all guessing my age,
That part of my diary has lost its page!
Would like us to buy a self- drive camper
So we can eternally roam,
It will be our second home,
Travelling is in my blood, blame
My parents, the army,
To which this I acclaim!
Categories:
optician, love,
Form:
Free verse
A sea mist rolls inshore this morning
The optician proposes a cataract op
Categories:
optician, poetry,
Form:
Other
I’m growing old inside my eyes.
Through that lens I cannot disguise.
She saw them today while magnifying.
Tiny cataracts is what she was spying.
Emma the optician must be lying.
I’m growing old within my knees.
When I struggle to rise please don’t tease.
Getting down is fine to light the fire.
Only now I wish the range was higher.
Being watched makes me even shyer.
Im growing old but feeling fine.
Now relaxing I type as I recline.
No more worries with work stress.
Old age really is the best
antidote to being young.
Sometimes it’s even a lot more fun.
Categories:
optician, age, cheer up, how
Form:
Rhyme
A practising young obstetrician
Began to review his position.
Childbirth it would seem,
Drove ladies to scream
Ergo, he became an optician!
09/01/19
Categories:
optician, career, humor,
Form:
Limerick