Best Nymphomaniac Poems
Window cleaning is my trade and I want to tell my story
Like the time I saw the Vicars wife in the bath in all her glory
Or when I saw the Vicar tied up, I thought there'd been a slaying
I called the police but it turned out, t'was a game that they were playing.
And Mrs Smith from two doors down, well she is kind of hot
Always leaves big gaps in her drapes just to show me what she's got
Next door to her a stripper lives, well she just doesn't care
She walks around as I try to clean and yes she's totally bare.
Then across from her a nymphomaniac lives, she's always wanting more
Whenever I call to clean her glass there's men queueing at her door
I always cringe when I knock her door to ask her for my money
She always offers payment in flesh; winks and calls me honey.
Next door to her is 'Dirty Pete' watches movies all day long
Not Hollywood films you understand but titles like King Dong
Well I'm no prude each to his own but quadrophonic sound!
The first time that he blasted it, I fell off my ladder to the ground.
Round the corner is Jim and Sue, she always calls me handsome
I heard it from the man next door they want me for a threesome
Well maybe to some weirdy folk, it is their fantasy
Not my thing I assure you 'cos she is eighty three.
The sorority house I'd leave till last ' cos I found it hard to cope
They always leave the windows ajar to let out the fumes of dope
Then the world around me, would turn colourful and bright
My eyes would see some very strange things and I'd fly high as a kite.
See that's what I have to endure, to make an honest living
I never tell my wife you know, she'd be so unforgiving
When I get home she always asks, "Darling how was your day?"
I tell her each time same old same old, but it helps me pay my way.
Written on the 8th November 2020
Categories:
nymphomaniac, funeral, funny, humor, nursery
Form:
Rhyme
Wet dreams
Explosion of the stars of heaven
Nymphomaniac
Natural / Nature Sexy Haiku Contest -
by: SandyIvy Davis
09/11/2012
A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
(4th place in the contest)
Categories:
nymphomaniac, nature, passion,
Form:
Haiku
I have been called a sex god
It has been said that
I radiate an aura of pure sexuality
I stopped telling my friends stories of my exploits years ago
Because they don't believe me
For instance
My last lover was a 54 year old paraplegic actress
I once gave a girl dozens of orgasms within a single minute
And can reproduce this feat at any time on any woman
Every inch of my body is fantastic
Like a machine fine-tuned for sexual pleasure
My sex drive is monstrous
Unending
Makes me crazy
I only stop to smoke cigarettes once every few hours
And I don't have a refractory period
All this is true
I'm probably a nymphomaniac
But it doesn't matter
Because I hate people
Because I hate dating
Because I have nothing to prove
Because the cosmos are indifferent
Because economizing sex disgusts me
I'm generally quiet
Try to keep a low profile
But inside
a Martian sex dragon
Breathing passion and lust
Inside
Roaring madly alone, tortured
Clawing at my skin
Chomping on my bones
Gnashing on my brain like a chew toy
I pretend not to care
I like to think it doesn't have an affect on me
But it is me
And I hate it
And I love it
Categories:
nymphomaniac, addiction,
Form:
Free verse
So many voices, some pulling, others pushing, one spearing.
I feel the spear, and know she will not stop until I acknowledge her
What is it?
What do you want?
She gives me some directives knowing I will rebel
and rebuke them.
She never gets her way.
She wants me to do things she knows I will not do.
I hate medicines! I tell her. They do not affect me like others.
Leave me alone! But still she persists. Two are pulling, one is pushing.
She is screaming, shrieking, wailing, keening in my ear.
I take a couple of blues and a pink,
to try and fool her.
She knows what I am about.
For she is in my mind’s folds and recesses.
Another personality shows up.
A new one.
What the hell.
I thought I knew them all.
Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!
My hands are shaky.
If she is another spearing one,
I give up.
I cannot do this any more.
I have tried too long already.
I am Sherenna, she says, seductively.
Hell no. I already got rid of Dixie, my other nymphomaniac.
I close my eyes, trying to drown them all out.
Categories:
nymphomaniac, 10th grade, 11th grade,
Form:
Dramatic Monologue
I own lustful eyes
though I keep them in disguise
they are always watching
I am a very curious person
I have no problem with endulgence
I enjoy being sexy
I touch myself to release
If I didn't I would go crazy
because my body is constantly craving
physical activity
pleasure is what I desire
I'm such a naughty girl
trapped inside the role of a good girl
If people only knew what was brewing inside
they'd take a second look
and noticed the glint in my eye
could they realize my secret?
that my body is truly insatiable
looking for a heavy duty load
to completely replinish my system
I can't help if i'm addicted to it
Categories:
nymphomaniac, life, body,
Form:
Free verse
Unquotable quotes – X
A beautiful wife gets to changing husbands as she may.
An ugly wife gets to keeping her husband out all day every day.
A plain-looking wife doesn’t give a damn any either way.
A happy wife gets to watching her children in carefree play.
A shrew gets to driving her husband round the bend at the end of the day.
An adulteress gets to infecting her children every other day.
A nymphomaniac gets to making her husband out to be a gay.
A high born wife gets to sleeping somehow out in the hay.
A gay wife gets to making a harem out of the honeymoon day.
A loud-mouthed wife gets to keeping all her neighbours in fear away.
An over-aged wife gets to making her husband look like he was in her pay.
A frigid wife gets to making her husband out to be an impotent lay.
A dumb wife gets to keeping her husband without a say.
A saintly wife gets to thinking she wakes up every day on Groundhog Day.
A heftily-backed wife gets to thinking her husband hides in her bay.
A baby-faced wife in bed gets to making her husband look the other way.
A bored wife watches corridas on the tele on a rainy day.
A sad wife spots the hairs on her husband’s head turn slowly gray.
A chaste wife is an empy church or temple where no one goes to pray.
A wise man gets to keeping well out of the way of wives and husbands in dismay.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2016
Categories:
nymphomaniac, beautiful, humor, humorous, wife,
Form:
Epigram
Born here girl, I swear I’m never coming back,
Too light town got lost beside a railroad track,
Rhythm of the rails inside my gunny sack,
There may be no cure for what it is I lack,
Promises to be my nymphomaniac,
Sugar pills can’t cure the pain of lumberjack,
And I’m gone, Whoo Hooooo, so gone!
Whoo Hooooo, no tears, Whoo Hooooo!
Where I’m going girl you cannot come along,
Barely have the room for even Country song,
Never really meant to ever treat you wrong,
Though this may seem mean I ain’t no Vietcong,
Trying hard to never be your enemy,
Truth just isn’t always what we want to see,
And I’m gone, Whoo Hooooo, so gone!
Whoo Hooooo, no tears, Whoo Hooooo!
Trains just keep on rollin’ don’t care what they do,
Following steel ribbons till the day is thru,
Hope I can do better choosing my guru,
Life can sometimes steer us down wrong avenue,
Still a song could be the way to set things right,
Music that comes on to me without a fight,
And I’m gone, Whoo Hooooo, so gone!
Whoo Hooooo, no tears, Whoo Hooooo!
Homeless boy just singing what he feels inside,
I ain’t asking no one to give me a ride,
Not too proud to make use of a coming tide,
Don’t give a rat’s ass for life that’s amplified,
No need to extoll a lie that’s right for you,
Caring for my own is all I need to do,
And I’m gone, Whoo Hooooo, so gone!
Whoo Hooooo, no tears, Whoo Hooooo!
Brian Johnston
June 5, 2015
Categories:
nymphomaniac, love, travel,
Form:
Rhyme
I talked it over with Glen,
Me sole mate and imaginary friend
He said “Listen here me matey”
“It’s the best way for you in the end”
So as a close friend I took his advise,
And to this day I wouldn’t think twice.
His so cool and calm and collected,
He has my best interest at heart, which is nice,
So if you go to me eBay page,
You’ll see I’m up for sale.
An unwanted used lover,
A blind toothless moon bald male.
Me expiry date is only 10 years out,
With a left leg suffering from gout.
A sex crazed dribbling pervert,
Who chases after every skirt.
A self confessed nymphomaniac,
A practicing megalomaniac.
It’s been a week since the ad
And one bid which I think is from Glen
He says 50 p is reasonable and all his willing to spend
Categories:
nymphomaniac, funny, me,
Form:
Rhyme
the streets are scarred for good and we know it
after the hits of untamed hearts
after this abstract damage of cyclic returnings
there's a window in my chest
a sight of iron garden and crystal steam
where colour of poplars recalls
moss in the living room
and her veins in the dark
the skies are striped of equinox sabbath
over the cities full of empty people
cities full of mannequins
over the valleys of sordid poppies
perfumed mists and magnetic trees
as my shoes walk around the moonlit woods
through cobblestone plains, by mythic fields
the war of kisses rages in gravel pits
on days like these
these octagon days
and there's a storm in the kitchen sink
there's debris for dinner
the orchestra of germs in a room of dahlia
invokes all the nymphomaniac angels
all air rats and arachnid armies
with passion of cold-blooded lovers
oh, what a circus!
that's why my luggage is haunted
in floodlands, ready to depart
for the taxidermy heaven
for I'm the king of the sandcastle
just a smoke child on a paper planet
with glass floors and concrete shoes
and yellow lorries in umbrella lakes
with my brain lantern and pet mallacoderm
the rabid rooster will guide my way
down the bronze boulevard
with chocolate six-shooter in my hand
only because the streets are scarred by our love
and we know it
Categories:
nymphomaniac, imagery, lost love, surreal,
Form:
Free verse
A is for Ant (and for ass, your dad is an example of an ass)
B is for Bee (and for b*stard, your dad is a bast*rd - first class)
C is for Chicken (and for a word I don’t want to say - but see K)
D is for Dog (and also for Dynamite - which I’d like to shove up your dad’s... see A)
E is for Eagle (and for egotistical effing... see K... and C)
F is for Frog (and for Fu*ker, which your dad’s been doing with someone who isn’t me)
G is for Giraffe (and for Git - your dad is a Git... and he has two faces)
H is for Horse (and for Hard Up - which your dad was... in too many places)
I is for Insect (and for Insolvent, which thanks to me, he’ll soon be, with just one legal shove)
J is for Jellyfish (and Judas. Your Dad’s a Judas... with a rash from his illicit love)
K is for Kitten (and for making some words sound worse - see C)
L is for Lion (and Lobster, a creature with claws that belongs at the bottom of the sea - hmmm...)
M is for Mouse (and for machete and for manhood... which gives me an idea)
N is for Newt (and Nymphomaniac - neither should work at IKEA)
O is for Owl (and Optimistic, well, he thought that he left me fulfilled)
P is for Penguin (and for Philandering, at which your daddy is skilled)
Q is for Quail (and for Quickie, the best that your daddy could do)
R is for Rabbit (and Rampant - and once I got that, how did we get you?)
S is for Snail (and for Slug, which describes both your dad and his di*k)
T is for Tiger (and Torrid, your dad was this with some Randy chick)
U is for Unicorn (and Underhand, your dad was this night and day)
V is for Vole (and also VD, hence the rash that was listed in J)
W is for Worm (and for Merchant Banker, thats rhyming slang for your father)
X is for Xerus (and X-rated gel, I bet he’ll work up quite a lather)
Y is for Yak (and for Yesterday’s News, which is all your dad turns out to be
Z is for Zebra (and for Zeees, that his Nympho is catching, asleep next to me)
*
[Xerus is a genus of African ground squirrel]
Categories:
nymphomaniac, anger, mom, wife,
Form:
Rhyme
Villanelle: The Dilemma of the Non-Violent – 46
Will COP leaders be around in five years nine
Their great careers made Their statues unveiled
To what future Super Men our backs supine
Apparatchiks clubby diplomatic kind
Allegiance to rival parties well-coiled
Will COP leaders be around in five years nine
Spying on one another to undermine
Using public forces to keep peoples embroiled
To what future Super Men our backs supine
Stock-piling nuclear arsenals to churn brine
While oceans lash out the people will be boiled
Will COP leaders be around in five years nine
Mighty men who pat each other to outshine
One another in local Catch-rings all coiled
To what future Super Men our backs supine
To what then duped masses owe their fated grind
If not to nymphomaniac egos well-guiled
Will COP leaders be around in five years nine
To what future Super Men our backs supine
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2015
Categories:
nymphomaniac, environment, leadership, political, pollution,
Form:
Villanelle
My sacroiliac is really quite outta whack
My body used to resemble that of a lumberjack
As time goes by
The pain intensifies
Till I'm screaming out loud like a nymphomaniac
Categories:
nymphomaniac, pain,
Form:
Limerick
Words of passion fell from his lips
Tenderly he had his hands on my hips
Pulling me close;no space in between
Reminiscent of a romantic movie scene
I felt his love grow like a mountain
Anticipating drinking from his fountain
He lovingly caressed the small of my back
Releasing my long repressed nymphomaniac
He fully pressed his lips to mine
Shivers ran up and down my spine
Slowly he lowered me down to the bed
Passion's desire would soon be fed
He placed his hand on the inside of my thigh
With burning pleasure I gave an erogenous sigh
Our bodies soon became intertwined
At that moment our lifeforces were combined
I had never felt such immense ecstasy
Fathomless release and pure serenity
6/20/2016 - for That is Sexy contest
Categories:
nymphomaniac, desire, love, passion,
Form:
Couplet
The smell of your hair and your curves;
Physique a goddess could only have
Your skin, sheep’s’ wool could never equal
Beauty even Venus would be jealous.
Come with me, dear queen
Come with me, and be my earth;
Be the damp soil for my seed;
Be the keeper of our future.
Open up! Welcome me with pleasure!
Sing to me the songs of elation!
And as midnight is fast approaching,
Let our souls entwine,
Let the crimson satin cover our body,
-As we danced to the sensual harmony.
Let our spirits fly to the peak of ecstasy,
Let the heat fade away.
Dance with me, dear queen
Dance with the Nymphomaniac God.
Categories:
nymphomaniac, loveme, sensual,
Form:
Free verse
Beware of the house of pain,
Madness rains on you like rain,
Don't call out my name in vain,
Lest they think you are insane,
Psychotic maniac,
And don't call me a maniac,
I love girls; am a nymphomaniac,
It's this voices inside my head; kleptomaniac,
Turn them off, they keep me awake, am insomniac,
Psychotic maniac,
Please, am not crazy,
If I sit still ill be lazy,
I have to make them stop, keep them busy,
Tell them to take it easy,
Psychotic maniac,
Am not psychotic,
It must be the coffee, its narcotic,
Don't take me to the mad house, its demonic,
Take me to church or rehab, like am an alcoholic,
Psychotic maniac,
Categories:
nymphomaniac, confusion, depression, fear, hate,
Form:
Rhyme