Best Nits Poems
An old codger who farted a lot -
of good etiquette didn’t know squat.
When I met him, his nose
started running. He chose
his new shirt to wipe off all the snot!
Well, a nitpicker also was he,
and I mean it quite literally.
He was picking his zits
as he also picked nits
from hair, lice-infested and filthy.
With no 'shilly-shallying', I
backed away from that creepy old guy,
and I nearly threw up
being offered a cup
of his coffee. On top was a fly!
*Gnalsmoob, my poem's title, is a word new to me.
(from Urban Dictionary): A gnalsmoob is anything, particularly
a person or creature, that is completely and totally disgusting,
repulsive or revolting. Also, Gnalsmoob is boomslang, a type of
venomous snake, spelled backwards, perhaps because a gnalsmoob
is so ugly its appearance stings your eyes like venom.
I have a constant itch upon my head
So I scratch it with my finger
At night I head upstairs to bed
But the itching continues to linger
I scratched my head till early morn
and I tossed and turned all night
My head was itching; I felt so forlorn
Something definitely wasn't quite right
I checked my hair and started screaming
When I discovered a little head louse
It’d laid its eggs when I was dreaming
I want to hide myself away in my house!
I lotion my scalp, damned nits are minuscule
Then I comb hundreds of eggs from my hair
Guess I’ve caught them from the kids at school
BUT I’M THEIR TEACHER – IT JUST ISN’T FAIR!
An Unwanted Guest Contest
Sponsored by Shadow Hamilton
Pure Fiction write .. but I can't stop itching since I wrote this!
02~22~17
My Dearest Bertha baboon
I’ve recently joined your baboon troop
and Bertha you’re the star of the group
I’ve watched you swinging in the trees
Your agility brings me to my knees
You sit by my side and pick off my lice
we share those nits; oh they taste so nice!
‘The Funky Gibbon’ is my favourite song
I taught you the words, now you sing along!
There’s been no monkey business, although I’ve tried
But my attraction for you cannot be denied
My desire for you I cannot let pass …
I’m captivated by your huge red ass!
Its red colour means you’re due for ovulation
Lets get it on and increase the baboon population!
Love letter Contest
Sponsored by Viv Wigley
Contest rules - "A love letter, but NOT from a human or to a human. It must be from any other species, either to a member of the same species or maybe a different one"
10-30-17
There goes my hero, he’s ordinary,
like in the Foo Fighters song
Carries no airs or graces,
makes me feel like I belong
A family member perhaps,
even a workmate, or friend
Someone who can be trusted,
on whom I tacitly depend
There goes my hero,
out in the rain mending a fence
Standing at the back of photos
not overpowering the lens
Cleaning blocked up drains,
unafraid to pick out nits
Struggles in the charts for decades,
without any major hits
There goes my hero, she’s loving,
rears her dead sisters child
Puts the kid through college,
works nightshifts and smiles
Seeks nothing in return,
a little thank you will suffice
Salt of the earth person
that only gives solid advice
There go my heroes,
all extraordinarily mundane
Not looking for recognition
having no time to complain
I’m certainly not one of them,
comfortable on my own ground
Real heroes have stamina,
going forward round after round
Could be my hero’s Cobain
who blew out his brains
Cared damn all for money
and even less about fame
To Honor My Hero Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Anoucheka Gangabissoon
07/31/22
Your past should be a reminder,
Of how far you have come.
Your past should be the key to the present,
Not to a ball and chain.
Your past should be a line in the sand,
That you never step back over.
Your past should be a record of past mistakes,
Not re-visited.
Your past should come with a map,
To buried treasure,
Not a bowl of rotten fruit.
Your past should spit you out,
Not suck you in.
Your past should leave you with a pair of Tweezers,
To pull out those annoying thorns in your side.
Not a microscope to pick out the nits.
Your past should send out some echoes of laughter,
Not waves of pain and regret.
Your past should be all present and accounted for,
So, you can stride confidently into a brighter future.
I was cleaning my garden bed one day
when a lovely bright green cricket had
a word or two to me, to say.
At first my eyes was full of wonder
how could this cricket be talking to me,
I was lost in ponder.
He looked as though he had been talking
with an also concerned looking, speckled
tree frog.
He looked up at me with his perfect, little
peepers. As if he knew I was the garden's keeper.
Are you talking to me, I asked?
Why yes I am and you have heard me at last.
In his hands so very small, he held a tiny, silver leaf
that was holding a sip of water he had gathered
from the plants that were standing tall.
I must talk with you about our water shortage,
Since the plants have grown so tall, we don't get
any around the garden boarders.
Could you please trim them neat, so that all of us
who live under them can have a sip of rain that is
natures true treat?
I could see this concerned them both for the frog's
eyes showed he agreed with the story, the cricket told.
Well Mr. Cricket lets talk a little bit for I also have a problem
with those pesky little nits. They hinder my flower blooms
and most surely always leave them to their doom.
If you and I can reach an agreement, that you get rid of
them from the top to the cement; I will trim the garden
so lovely and neat and both of us then can enjoy nature's
treats.
We both smiled and became working garden friends and
both of our troubles came to a beautiful end.
When I was just a baby
Many years ago
I was so agile I could even suck my toe
Now I have trouble lifting up a cup
Oh how I hate growing up!.
When you'r a child everyone smiles at you
And say's ''awe, aren't you cute''
Bur now your an adult
Your as cute and popular
As an old worn out boot.
When your a kid
and lose a tooth
You put it under your pillow
And in the morning you find a quid
But now it's something you cannot do
Because you have to put your teeth into chew.
I suppose being an adult has it's advantages
You don't get ring worm nits and puppy fat
But why did I have to grow up
It wasn't in my plan
It just happened
And now I'm a man
Damn!!.
Petwr Dome.copyright.2014. Aug.
I: Sheep
next door to 19 chimneys
and 'the dark satanic mills'
a flock of sheep is grazing
oblivious in the hills.
II: Other Animals
venezuelan poodle moths
sea pigs, star-nosed moles
mata matas, sugar gliders
shoats and water voles.
aye-ayes, dik-diks, wobbegongs
chicken turtles, loons
shoebills, snipes and yeti crabs
and cozumel raccoons.
pink fairy armadillos
bilbys, 52-hertz whales
the red-lipped batfish, panda ants
and emperor helmet snails.
the pleasing fungus beetles, thrips
hellbenders, great potoos
lilac breasted rollers, bongos
glass frogs, kinkajous.
the rare long-wattled umbrellabirds
chubs and munchkin cats
satanic leaf-tailed geckos, shads
gars, nits and fancy rats.
Creeping, crawling the time is calling,
night has come and the dark is falling.
Slinking, slithering the twilight moves,
as the squirming creatures hit their grooves.
Beneath the leaves the beetles advance,
while the worms break free to join the dance.
Their bodies swaying to and fro,
in cadence with the lightning bugs' glow.
Every creature big and small,
begins to stir 'neath the yellow ball.
Singing songs their date approves,
they woo there mate in microgrooves.
Tiny spiders take the chance,
in hopes their lovers crave romance.
But deep inside they all know,
soon they'll be dining with their widowed beau.
The insects carouse through the sleeping flowers,
they won't wake, it's after hours.
Dizzy Lizzies stretch and yawn,
curling petals, they await the dawn.
Tiny feet tickle their leaves,
as nits traverse their tendril weaves.
Only the Fly Traps join the rant,
to make a meal of a passing ant.
The tall grass sways like lofty towers,
as mantises use their magical powers.
They hide on the stalks of the sprawling lawn,
in wait for creatures to prey upon.
Petals glow white in their final reprieve,
to be quickly replaced by new Crinum leaves.
As creatures retreat and the dawn wakes the plants,
The Spider Lily waits, the night to supplant.
All the students were very aware
There were nits crawling in her long hair
Perching on the next seat
Trying to be discrete
I got itchy and had to move chair
based on a real event
10th November 2015
. With apologies to Elton John!!
Inspired by his wonderful song..."Sacrifice"
- Parasite -
It's a human scourge
When lice move in
When they grab their little fingers
And misery begins
Into your bedroom
Crawling into your hair
Creatures come a'calling
And they snuggle in there
Itch itch starts
Scratching done by you
Those nasty critters, baby
Will cling to you
It seems that you've got lice
Just a simple bug
Those thugs are living
In your bed and your rug
But it's a parasite
Small parasite
It's a parasite that's all
Degrading embarrassment
After the fact
Sensitivity builds allergies
From the 'lousy' attack
"Rid" the humilation
Those nits you'll spurn!
No more to damn you
When medicine burns!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Written For John Heck's contest..."Dear John"
Why did Noah take nits?
Let's pull this Ark to bits,
God let Noah take two nits,
Plus two mosquitoes, each proboscis,
Gave humans encephalitis,
What is worse than this?
Why they bring malaria, blip!
What is worse than this?
As well as Noah's two nits,
God let Noah take two rats,
With two fleas on board, that's that,
So Noah brought bubonic plague,
While lovely unicorns floated away,
Then on all those wooden decks,
Noah took two woodpeckers, by heck,
So that was the end of Noah's Ark,
Lucky he wasn't eaten by sharks,
So, why God, did you plan all this, mate?
I know Noah was human to make mistakes,
Taking rats, fleas, mossies, and nits, great!
Was taking two nits more than fate?
It must be tough to edit,
Searching calmly for mistakes,
Whether spelling or grammatical,
That every author makes.
Still, it bothers me when reading
And some errors have slipped by,
Causing me to wonder, how much
Did this edit-person try?
First an idiom I noticed –
“Chock it up” instead of “chalk.”
Just to clarify, I Googled;
I was justified to balk.
Next, a character is asked,
At someone’s house, to shed his shoes.
Yet, upon a piano’s pedals,
Those same sneakers he does use.
You might think it’s nits I’m picking
But such errors hit a nerve
For the oversights of editors
We readers don’t deserve.
MacBook Air
My powerful MacBook my amazing MacBook it is the best of the best
It can be seen from miles away with the 500 Nits
I love the depth in the lightweight skinny screen
The color in the screen controls my eyes
The round silver edges, feel so good, I rest my palm
The silver metal and sliver trackpad
Satisfying to rest my thumb on
everything in one touch of a button, my amazing MacBook
The light up shiny keyboard that works on a touch of a button
I have the most power in my hands I can control the world
With a single touch my computer turns on the keys glimmer and I AWE with amazement
As it gives the information and connection I desire
The startup sound of the MacBook just delicts your ears
The light texture of the screen
Lifelike and non-pixelated
The round black keys that just feel so good
As my fingers Wizz away typing the coolers are hard at work
Making sure I continue to love the computer
Headlouse dance as agile ballerinas across a small childs skull
And believe the truth as im only good at that
I havent seen one for a while
Its hard to confess
That i actually miss
Foriging the tresses of my little sprigs
Salivating
Eyes dancing
Hither and tither
To and fro
As if anyone would
Id always know
Where on earth the little devils would go
I know their lifecycle
Lifespan
And im ever so proud to admit that i can
Spot one
At fifty paces
(The safari Hunt!)
I used to settle down, comb at hand
I knew i was at it when i imagined
A safari hat
I was the hunter
Their stalker
Trapsing through the thick dark forestry of hair
Silent in deep excitement
'THERE! ' Ive got another one
Id chalk up the amounts
leaving bloodied squashed and squelched
Knits pon white tissue
A most satisfactory
Blood count
I was good, i was brilliant
A most efficient predator
of those nasty
Horrid little blood sucking beasts that chose to feast
On my childrens heads
Id gather up the population
Ensuring they were all
DEAD!
(Bet you scratched your head at least once whilst reading this)