Best Mobster Poems
FOOTLES FOR THE BIRDS AND THE BEASTS -
Bad-ass old bear:
Grizzly
Grizzly
Dachshund making critical life choices:
Eenie
Weenie...
Cougar from Arizona:
Yuma
Puma
Cowardly Cock-a-Doodle-Doer:
Chicken
Chicken
Slave Driving Beaver:
Dam it
Damn it!
Aptly named female feathered friend:
Robin
Robin
Alaska poacher gets mauled by a:
Polar's
Molars
Overweight Terrier:
Porky
Yorkie
Scavenger Mores:
Vulture
Culture
After sex, bears often share a:
Yogi
Stogie
Neutered Tomcat:
Benign
Feline
Wolf in Sheep’s clothing:
Mutton
Glutton
Proportionally, male Dachshunds have:
Teenie
Weenies
(But size isn't everything)
.........................................
RANDOM AND RATHER REDICULOUS FOOTLES -
Overweight law enforcement official:
Whopper
Copper
Overweight Janitor:
Whopper
Mopper
Spaced-out church officer:
Freekin’
Deacon
Church officer forced to depend on Depends:
Leakin'
Deacon
Unhappy restaurant client:
Diner
Whiner
Cosa Nostra restaurant special:
Mobster
Lobster
Yep, you guessed it. A criminal Crustacean:
Lobster
Mobster
Why did she slap me? All I did was:
Toot her
Hooter
Careless Urologist:
Pecker
Wrecker
Categories:
mobster, funny,
Form:
Footle
The Bad, The Ugly and The Good (aka: Bad, Badder, Baddest)
The Bad
I am the gun-toting, God-fearing Ganja Gangsta.
I’ll smoke you, pray for you, then have my daily siesta!
I answer to no one, and fear no man; No Sir!!!
I answer to only One Master. That’s Heaven’s Prime Minister.
I am the player-hating, man-baiting Sister Disaster.
I’ll woo you, thrill you, then …kill you; true that, mister!
I just swagger thru the city with my ‘Ghetto Blaster’,
I don’t mean sounds, fool!!! I mean my ‘piece’ … to blast ya!!!
I am the mean-looking, menacing Monster Mobster.
I’ll cut ya, shred ya, and have me a pasta fiesta.
I do not boil ‘em…! No sah!! I’d eat a live lobster!
I’m so mean ….Hey! ..I’ll even steamroller your hamster!!!
I am the fast-talking, Bible-bashing Pastor Imposter.
I’ll bless you, fleece you, then sex-up Sister Disaster
I’m just a shyster - but please don’t tell the Menacing Mobster!
She’s the God-fearing Gangsta’s wife - and the Mobster’s sister!
The Ugly (Badder)
I am the flesh-eating, life-sapping, Cluster-Sinister.
I am impartial; care not for class, colour, creed or gender.
I am microbe, but not a person-respecter; ask the sex inspector.
I am sorry, but for me to survive, you have to become a spectre.
I am the tear-jerking, game-changing, people-Prankster
I get called ‘*****’, ‘Sod’, …some even call me a ‘Mater-Conjugator’.
I don’t like Gangsters, Mobsters and especially that dodgy Pastor
I may get mad, or even get even; Call me ‘Life’, or call me ‘Karma’.
The Good (Baddest)
I am the Beginning, the Alpha/Omega; Heaven’s only Prime Minister
I wrote the Good Book, but look inside, I have never been a Jester!
I carry fire and brimstone to bolster my holster - you’d better helter-skelter!
I mete out justice, and vengeance administer: you'd better pray faster!!!
(Fg 81.5.8 - January 2016)
Categories:
mobster, bullying, funny, hip hop,
Form:
Rhyme
Everyone needs one
I come and go sick or healthy
I create beautiful pictures-Artist
I write stories-Writer
I use my voice all the time-Singer
I dramatize everything you see-Actor/Actress
I fix your computer-Computer Technician
I repair your vehicles-Mechanic
I heal your pets-Veterinarian
I educate you well-Teacher
I’m their when you’re dying-Doctor
I supply your medication-Pharmacist
I prevent forest fires-Ranger
I take care of your children-Babysitter
I hire the needed for jobs-Businessmen
I translate your words-Interpreter
I keep the people in town safe-Policemen
I solve unwanted crimes-FBI Agent
I make sure you stay in your cell-Prison Guard
I play mind games-Psychiatrist
I fight for your rights-Lawyer
I arbitrate your freedom-Judge
I make decisions that affect my country-President
I fight for this country-Soldier
I hardly rest-Congressmen
I entertain you and your family-Comedian
I make you choke on your words-Debater
Sometimes I rip you off-Telemarketers
I make you lose your house-Bill Collectors
I steal your money in a secretive way-Government
I destroy your country-Mobster
I’m after your president-Terrorists
I may be rich, average, or poor but at least I do my best
Until the end
Categories:
mobster, depression,
Form:
Prose Poetry
A RACE TO DE-BONE FISH:
Filet
Relay
A CONVENT FOR SHELL FISH:
Oyster
Cloister
A MEMBER OF THE UNDER SEA MAFIA:
Mobster
Lobster
A PROMISCUOUS SHRIMP:
Trampy
Scampi
A MUSICAL RED SNAPPER:
Snapper
Rapper
A COMPASSIONATE FISH:
Caring
Herring
A LAW ENFORCEMENT FISH:
Grouper
Trouper
2/2/13
Entered in Brian Strand's All Yours Contest
Categories:
mobster, funny, sea,
Form:
Footle
A Greek mythological classical character chosen,
Medusa with her snake hair and stone stare, a frozen
Look turning people to stone, originally a vision of beauty,
A woman of erotic desire, who inflicted unimaginable cruelty,
Her destiny to become an unapproachable monster,
Many attempted to kill her, heroes and many a mobster,
Her punishment, all because Poseidon willfully raped her
Bringing about woe upon all women whoever they were.
The Greek God Perseus renowned for killing
Such beasts, ordered by King Polydectus whether willing
Or not, to go and bring back her head,
Perseus had a plan how to slay Medusa, delivering it dead.
This was a hero, but still sweat collected on his brow, DRIP
Drip, drip, but bravely approached her abode, a swift SNIP
Went his sharp sword which did ,SMASH
Down with might, and Medusa’s blood did SPLASH
It was rumored that from the severed head came a BELCH
As her blood in Perseus’s hands went SQUELCH.
This warrior’s deed was certainly brash, swiftly did snatch
Medusa’s head, Perseus the hero for whom there was no match.
Well worked his plan, held his shield at an angle, a space
At which he could see the reflection of her face
On his shield, but not look into her eyes, he scored an ace,
The horrifying snakes in her hair died, her eyes ablaze
A statue of Medusa’s head shown as averting assailant’s gaze.
Contest Entry: Onomatopoeia Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Emile Pinet
Date: 01/11/2021
Categories:
mobster, beauty,
Form:
Rhyme
The pain that young man felt was very close
to what hell would be like. Richard watched
and heard this poor soul scream and beg for
his life over and over again. Richard
did not have a conscience. The beatings that
he took from both his parents created this
monster. He was immune to someone else's
horrific pains, It didn't bother him. When he
was a child he would tie two cats together by
their tails and throw them over a clothesline,
and watch them claw each other to death.
The film was completed. The poor man was
eaten to where most his bones were exposed
and his flesh was gone. He then delivered the
the film to his boss, a well known mobster.
9/18/2015 PLEASE READ IAN GUYLER'S
RATMAN COMETH..................................
You can actually see this horrendous video
by going to You Tube and going to Serial
Killer Hitman Richard Kuklinski The
Iceman Documentary. This is not for the
fainthearted. WARNING VERY GRAPHIC
MATERIAL for those of you that want to
view this. Also he was also known as the
Iceman. A book The Iceman written by
Anthony Bruno is his life story. It will
turn your world upside down. Incredible
reading.
Categories:
mobster, abuse, death,
Form:
Free verse
Gangster
Gangster, Gangster, ruthless cold-blooded killer,
Destroyer of life, take no prisoner for bountiful gain.
Business Man, Protector, racketeer of feared innocents,
Taking what you will, secured with violence and pain.
Who are you, what are you, who gives you the right,
Building Empires, from untold misery and blood.
Strong of character, fearing nothing and no one,
Victims revenge is weak and will do them no good.
Persecutor, executioner, henchmen do your bidding,
How can a small, malevolent Man, gain such command?
How many will stand together, to take him down,
None I fear, his domination has infected your land.
Gangster, Mobster, hoodlum or plain villain,
Are you a Capone, Luciano, a Blinder, Mafia or Triad?
Will your name be remembered in glorious infamy?
Or simply a cruel hearted crook gone mad.
Categories:
mobster, corruption, crazy, hate, murder,
Form:
Rhyme
Everything was fine
My bed sheets felt cool and divine
And my mind wandered
The room began to roll
Until the walls fell away
I wasn't startled
Until I heard the clash of thunder
And lightning flashed before my eyes
My bed was a lonely vessel
In a raging sea
I held on tight
Riding the waves
And I swore I saw Poseidon
Selling lobster fixin's to dancing hermit crabs
But I just held on tight
Feeling bile rise up my throat
Yet I never threw up
And the angry clouds calmed down
After being tickled by a giant feather
Wielded by mice wearing sunglasses
Everything seemed to slow
The wind caressed my face
And my bed drifted on the ocean surface
But if I were to close my eyes
I would fall, fall, fall
Into the depths of darkness
The depths of my mind
But for once I just wanted to drift
On the lonely sea
Surrounded by mobster whales
Shooting off insults at my dirty clothes
But eventually they were left behind
And the bed was trapped at a beach
That beach was my life
I felt the grains of sand between my toes
But I sank, sank, sank
Everything slowly turned black
Until the walls rose up
And my mind wandered
My bed sheets felt cool and divine
Everything was fine
Categories:
mobster, adventure, allegory, irony, life,
Form:
Free verse
You can fool a fool,
you can cheat one’s mind.
You can con a con,
even steal from the blind.
You can shake a shaker,
you can brutalize a Brut.
You can mob a mobster –
and embezzle their loot.
You can charm a charmer,
sell your soul for a penny.
You can take from a taker,
for pennies you have many.
But can you hold a hand,
and experience love for free?
Know true respect for all to see?
Gain one's trust without a fee?
You poor, poor, foolish soul,
who will ever get to know the "real me".
Categories:
mobster, faith, forgiveness, happiness, hope,
Form:
Rhyme
Review the annals of history
Murder upon murder you'll see
Start with Adam and Eve's son, Cain
Who murdered his brother Abel in vain
Then there's Moses, the saintly lawgiver
Who murdered an Egyptian taskmaster and shivered
The greatest of playwrights, Shakespeare, didn't hedge his bets
He wrote of murder in 'Julius Caesar,' 'Macbeth' and 'Romeo & Juliet'
What of Abe Lincoln's assassin, Mr. John Wilkes Booth?
His name lives all these years later, verily and forsooth
There's Lee Harvey Oswald, shot JFK -- ended Camelot
Else his name wouldn't be worth a pee in a pot
Can't forget the serial killers, whose souls are damned:
Richard Speck, John Wayne Gacy, Son of Sam
Not to mention the 'iconic' socialists you all know:
Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, Mao, and Idi Amin also
In this century you don't have to rack your brain
We've had Osama bin Laden, Bashar Assad, Sadam Hussein...
As for 'professionals,' Bonnie & Clyde are your bank robbers
And how about ('Scarface') Al Capone for a celebrity mobster?
So, you want your name to be ever remembered?
Just commit a few murders: Behead and dismember!
Categories:
mobster, history, murder, remember,
Form:
Couplet
THE PUNISHER
Caught in a war
His miss duty
A Marine serving his country
A husband and father first
Yes he fought over seas for this AMERICA
Frank Cashtiglione
Also known as now
A tour of duty in Vietnam
One time off, off duty
When home to visit
The wife and children
While on a picnic in the park
They witness a mob killing
The mob came after, and killed Frank's wife and children
Frank Castle now a vigilante
sort of a negative hero
Only killing the baddies...
Captain in the Marines
A one man killing machine
Also a member of CIA
Now stationed as a citizen
A private ordinary citizen
Now out to git REVENGE
So every mobster, gangster, bad politician, evil doer
Killer or just a Bad person
No mercy, no gain
just a whole lotta pain
Better watch out and if you think you wanna do wrong and your unsure
Repenting won't help cause your under the cross hairs of .......
the
PUNISHER
11/17/17
by James Edward Lee Sr.
Categories:
mobster, anti bullying, caregiving, endurance,
Form:
Heroic Couplet
A HUNCHED BACKED MOBSTER
It’s sunset in late afternoon, where towards a water pan,
A pride of lionesses, approach with a much rehearsed plan,
Followed by a clan of mobsters,
Hyenas cackling luridly like monsters,
All wanted the impala buck, upon seeing them he ran!
The impala was unfortunately no match for these fierce lions,
Nor the clan of hyenas running after them in defiance,
The lions caught it with a crunch,
But the hyenas wanted this munch,
A stand-off between two enemies, who have no alliance.
Hyenas with much stronger jaws and now many in number
Threatened the lions, who did not fancy forever to slumber,
And decided to not argue this kill,
Hyenas hunchbacked, thick necked, will
Now demolish this meal, free from any lion encumber.
The Hyena a predator and scavenger with intense criminal intent,
Classed as a species of only few, the Hyaenidae, this meant,
Was regarded neither as dog or cat,
A thief, a lowlife, a rat,
A brazen mobster, who leaves behind him a rancid scent!
FOOT NOTE
But should hyenas bump into the king of the bush and his brother at the Kruger National Park,
Visitors, will be in awe as hyenas back off, outgunned and outwitted,
They will slink away!
Categories:
mobster, animal,
Form:
Limerick
A tablespoon is merely a tablespoon but not when placed on a table. It is merely an impediment of judgement to attempt to eradicate constitutional rights and beans jump very high when put in a nine foot pan. When the stove is at the correct temperature the goblin glow can be quite symmetrically dramatic and symbolised by the swirl of lights radiating from the hob roof. Wow. Such a vast distance portrayed in a stainless steel point. Temper tantrums of six foot wide berth toddlers are often not that cute if accompanied with viral threats. And curtsey to a lemon woman is neither a wise idea nor a custom. Curtain drip then curtain drop then curtain rise. As all are programmable and no place for a piece of toast spinning in an air of stagnation. Pumpkin head floats by in a pool of water. And a little man sings. La la la then. Fascia sting isnt it? How rather fascinating and remarkable. One cannot stem creative flow through cat calling, lies, and misjudgement. For this is the way of the fake. Who struggle often for words. Hahaha now stuff twenty eggs in your deep fried mouth and turn ninety eight degree angles using mirrored glasses. Hahaha jump into jeeps jerks. Hahaha melancholic monster mobster. And a silver tongued minister mixing. Xxxx carnivorous cows. Xxxxx moving manifestations xxxxx virtualization z with a huge p y q to you xxxxx
Categories:
mobster, abuse, addiction, allegory, allusion,
Form:
Detective Laura Norder wouldn’t recognise a border
Her jurisdiction knew no bounds when there had been disorder
As the toughest girl in town she always won the day
The cells were crammed with criminals that she had put away
Laura Norder stood her ground if she should be confronted
By vicious thugs who’s I.Q. seemed to be a little stunted
She never failed to face them down and see it all as fun
But then she never failed to tote a fully loaded gun
Laura Norder went downtown, her senses they were tingling
There were people all around with whom she could be mingling
But all those people scattered when a knife man blocked her path
She grinned and left him battered in her bloody aftermath
Laura Norder had no way of knowing his connections
And later she would still indulge in zero introspections
A mobster aimed his gun and said, “You gonna soon be dead.”
A blur of motion left a bullet lodged inside his head
For Laura Norder, highly skilled with weapons or unarmed
Left the foulest gangster prone and she herself unharmed
She always had the upper hand; she’d see minute inflections
And spot the tiny details that belied their next intentions
Laura Norder wasn’t someone anyone crossed twice
Treat her decent and I guarantee she’d treat you nice
But leave a greasy fingerprint or shoe print in the mud
And you’ll be lucky if you’re breathing… in a pool of blood
For Laura Norder walks a line that’s almost tightrope thin
She’ll skirt the very edge of law to bring the felons in
So, run a mile or run a thousand, she will hunt you down
And you had best be ready… she’s the toughest girl in town
Laura Norder isn’t butch, she’s pretty as can be
But that and what I tell you must remain with you and me
I found her sobbing in her car beside a busy road
And when I asked, “What’s wrong,” she said…
“I think I squashed a toad.”
Categories:
mobster, hero, woman,
Form:
Rhyme
TWENTY MINUTES OF TURBULENCE
seat belts fastened
tight
snack carts
jettisoned away
pilot on the talkie
nonsensical i say
the mobster clouds
take our jumbo jet
for a ride
we fly the turbulent skies
Kim Rodrigues © 2017
Categories:
mobster, flying,
Form:
Free verse