Best Merde Poems

I'd like to say merde 
pardon my French it means poop 
in English its  s......

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Once, a wise man, not enlightened and not an I-Don’t-Care-Man, came through the woods, thinking of the meaning of life. Suddenly, a Very-Scary-Black-Forest-Merde* appeared on the path.
- I'll eat you, wise man! – It said.
And the wise man, not enlightened and not an I-Don’t-Care-Man, burst...

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Unquotable quotes: Fat People – XXIX

(I know this piece sounds mean and cruel but as every single parent must have experienced, this is also the expression of utter exasperation, and perhaps there’s also the slightest hint of an iota of necessary truth in it after...

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BBC News Alert


Somewhere in France
In the Countryside
A farmer has been arrested
For molesting an old cow
A drunken old hag was on all fours
Crawling around in his field
He, having had his wine and baguette
Thought he had forgotten one cow
Off he went to fondle and milk her ****
Turned...

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The Spaniel

A Spaniel that uses its head 
Can tell when its owner’s unfed 
So instead of a duck
That is down on its luck 
Will deliver a pizza instead
 
The Afghan Hound

The Afghan’s a dog groomer’s joy 
The definitive Lord Fauntleroy 
But with all that coiffure
One...

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Merde!
Nous sommes a la plage
Is all I can remember how to say.
Merde!
Was back in the (high-schoolish) day
when French was all the rage.
Merde!
Nous sommes a la plage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HA!  And I actually got admitted to college!...

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Now that I have gotten that over with,
Being straightforward as a piss-ant on fire,
Telling you it just is what it is,
That behind all the frizz,
Is a beardless fake whose heraldic bearings
Are the arms of a sickly snake,
And that all this derogatory self-derision is decisively the...

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The Rottweiler

I wouldn’t provoke a Rottweiler
Not unless I were prepped like a miler
Seems a little inbreeding
Done without heeding
Has turned Benji into a Sieg Heiler

The Saint Bernard

Though not in his nature to beg
He would flip for a sip from the keg
Of the rum or the brandy
That...

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Translation of Eric Mottram’s 1922 Section 1 by T. Wignesan

for David Attoe

Notre devise pourrait être: ‘que nous nous ne soyons pas envoûtés’
Wittgenstein in Zettel

laissez pendre   la graisse   sans cou
où la tête flotte sur les épaules
un joyau     ...

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RECIPE: “Poulet Roti” French Style – Le Chant Royal (Instalment 3)

(Note: Rhyme scheme of “Le Chant Royal” where capital “E“stands for refrain, thus – Stanza: ababccddedE, Envoi: ddedE) 

STANZA  II

Cut the hot-water supply, make chicken freeze
Tear up the electric connections, the telephone
Ensure chicken swallows...

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December Paris  

Winter Paris pavement cafés vacant chairs and poor sparrows look for 
baguette crumbs. Artists had gone to their loft conversions, in bed with 
their models and plates of goose liver pate, waiting for a better time. 
I came across a posh bistro...

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      A mandate came out. Yes!
      NO MORE MUSIC FROM ANY SOURCE..
      (This would not surprise me, of course)

       It had to be announced...

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To be French means I’ll need to stop a few things, 
Whilst other small details I’ll seize.
I'll need to start smoking a lot, and
Start eating a whole lotta cheese.

But I wont wear berets with striped shirts,
Or hold a long skinny baguette,
Or say words like merde...

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IF ever I had a country : LII - LIII

" How can the life of such a man
Be in the palm of some fool's hand?
To see him obviously framed
Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land
Where justice is a game "

...

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They sat home ordering luscious pizza.
Some just drank cold beer or snorted pot.
Nothing was “ really” going to happen!
As they rode unicorns, this lost, hapless lot.

Stoned efficaciously, by the likes of CNN.
America haters, all, each last one of them.
And we citizens buy their “merde”daily.
Will grovel...

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