Best Manicure Poems
First off let's make it clear I ain't funny
And I don't start conversations out with bonjour
But there comes a time in every mans life
Where he needs a good Man-icure
When you hit the age of me on the same feet
It's time to give the old dogs a break
Empty out your calendar this will take all day for sure
And you don't want distractions in the way
Cause when the hair on your toes could keep an Eskimo clothed
And carpet his whole family's igloo
That's when you know it's time to call up your Bro's
And go visit an Asian or two
A pedicure for a man to remove the toe jam
Like they would weapons of mass destruction
But let's not call it a date cause that just sounds gay
Let's say outing or a manly luncheon
Like a kid in a candy store given chocolate galore
With no earthly thoughts of calories
Signed up for the 5 gold star plan soon to be a new man
Where you're bound to not recognize me
From hot wax to cream to all things in between
Why they even buffed my buff
From bottom to top they did the whole lot
And yes I liked it...thank you very much
As we went through the day the new me being made
Rolling me from dock to dock
Then came to the time we stopped short of a dime
When they wanted to give me a bikini WHAT?!?
That's where I drew the line there's just some things I find
That a Manly Man would never stand
We went back to the front, that's enough of this lunch!
THAT gold star wasn't in my plan
Would I do it again? All you gotta do is say when...
But next time round believe me
When it comes to the stars I'll stop at the 4
Which I believe is the boxer instead of bikini
I've never had a manicure
and yet I'm still a man
Though my fingernails are ugly
you should see my tan
Please don't suggest a pedicure
I don't need lovely toes
Fishing knee-deep in the river
they're apt to decompose
So I eschew the 'hair salon'
for ye old-fashioned barber shop
Where my man Floyd still uses
scissors, broom and mop
Little Girl Manicure
Pink enamel
bitten to
remnants of lacquer
not quite chipped
away.
Kathryn McL. Collins
September 29, 2013
young daughter
gives mom a pedicure
~ chores can wait
AP: 2nd place 2026, Honorable Mention 2026
Submitted on October 5, 2025 to contest MINI-KU sponsored by Charles Messina - RANKED 2ND
No I don't like long nails
And yes my relationships end soon
But it hurts because I care about my relationships more than my nails
The nailpolish doesn't stay on usually
And my acts of love aren't compromised
But the only stain that gets deeper into my heart is of heartache
I bite my nails often
And trust my love a lot
But at the end the claws of lust are the ones that overpower