Best Lol. Poems
YES DEAR!
I have here an old solution
For conflict resolution
Not to mention domestic pollution
I say 'Yes Dear!'
When the situation is tense
With a subject like pounds and pence
To avoid sitting on the fence
I say 'Yes Dear!'
Though I sometimes feel sure I'm right
And would argue my point all night
That would really seal my plight
I confess Dear!
So winning my point I'll eschew
Won't debate 'til my face turns blue
I'll admit what you say is true
- More or less Dear
Famous men throughout world history
Would avoid conjugal misery
If they'd just given in to Her plea
And said 'Yes Dear!'
Julius Caesar would have stayed serene
In the senate missed a nasty scene
When his wife said 'your chariot needs a clean'
He'd said 'Yes Dear!'
Harold might have continued as king
Sent William home without a thing
But he paused when his wife gave a ring
Said: 'I'm a bit pressed Dear!
MacBeth would avoid so much strife
And live out a peaceful life
If he'd put off his ambitious wife
With:'Give it a rest Dear!'
Prince Albert a faithful consort
Gave Victoria his total support
And nine children - a major export
Said 'Jawohl I do mein best Dear!'
Louis 16th got everything wrong
Made his exit quite short, not so long
Told his wife in a touching swan song
'Must get it off my chest Dear!'
The Iron Duke was in no mood for dallies
'Let's give those French a pain in their bellies'
But when his wife said:'You'd better wear your wellies'
Said: ‘By God! Yes Dear'
For myself, to fight would be absurd
I think conflict is just for the birds
And I know I'll always get the last words
Those being 'Yes Dear!'
3 March 2019
Make me actually LOL 2 Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Nina Parmenter
Categories:
lol., humor, marriage,
Form:
Rhyme
There was a lumberjack from Borehamwood
A chainsaw mishap took off his manhood
His Love life now a mess
And it caused him great stress
So he made himself one out of some wood .
~
He went to bed one night full of desire
Sue his wife put on her sexy attire
Things got steamy and hot
He gave it all he got
But with passion and friction it caught fire .
Written 5th March 2019.
For make me actually LOL 2 poetry contest
Sponsored by Nina Parmenter.
Categories:
lol., funny, humor,
Form:
Limerick
"Billy, it's time! Get up for school!
Your drawing project's due today.
You know about your teacher's rule;
she must have it without delay."
"But, mom, my arm is hurting bad!
There is no way that I can go.
I must stay home, though I am sad...
I'm really hurting, don't you know."
"But Billy, can you lift your arm?"
"I can't, it's painful and too sore."
So now she asked, with mommy charm,
"how high could you lift it before?"
And Billy raised his arm up tall
above his head...his face turned red!
From his warm bed, he had to crawl...
get ready quick for school instead.
Categories:
lol., child, school, stress,
Form:
Rhyme
A funny thing happened on the way to the john,
I rounded a bend and there sat my young son
Who whined and fussed to be picked up and nursed
So I had to oblige though I quietly cursed.
I continued my quest for some bladder relief
Whilst feeding my baby, supreme mother and chief
When I passed the front door, boob out, zipper down
And there stood our pastor, with an uncomfortable frown.
I tucked and I zipped, then red-faced I said, “Hi.”
He said, “I just stopped for your donated pie.”
Baby under one arm, I retrieved the said pie
And proudly returned with baked good held up high.
But the baby was squirmy and sun in my eyes
So I tripped on the dog, who is almost my size
And that’s when I found out that cherry pie flies
Right into the face of the good Reverend Wise.
Which was not a bad thing, and I do not jest
Because my little boy had pulled out my breast!
And my bladder gave up, the poor little fellow,
As I landed and sat in a puddle of yellow!
So I never did make it to the bathroom that trip
And I had to make up to our poor puppy Skip.
My son, just like always, got his milk and his way
And my husband and I became Jewish that day!
Categories:
lol., funny, mother,
Form:
Rhyme
I love to make a comment
as everyone knows well
Some are good and some are bad
but who can really tell
I may or not, be that honest
a position I can sell
by simply adding to a post
The letters "LOL
Categories:
lol., satire,
Form:
Rhyme
I've been released and free to roam.
You are so wrong, I'm not alone.
I'm glad you read, all that I write.
You mock my work, that's not real bright.
Not very original, your words they lack.
Once again, you're on my back.
Hypocrisy here at it's best.
Your game is weak, you surely jest.
I'm glad I inspire, you finally write.
Once a month, I'm sure gets tight.
Deliver the heckles and send the troll.
You leave a stench as you play your role.
You huff and you puff, trying to blow the house down.
The jokes on you, you're on hallowed ground.
I've been laughing and giggling the live long day.
Stroll back home, that's where you should stay.
Categories:
lol., anti bullying, hilarious, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
Lol she replied to my joke that went over well
I paused in reflection thoughts of what the hell
LOl? Really lol instead of a giggle or laugh
My inner a--hole surfaced on English’s behalf
Why would you say that in a conversation I said
You’re killing English which is almost already dead
Um.. I really don’t know I guess it’s like a laugh she said with slight hesitation
No. not the slightest bit at all with an obvious frustration
OMG are you mad at me for an expression I used
OMG? Not another one and I’m upset with you for a language you abused
And by the way what’s OMG stand for
Oh my God, it’s another one we use, I’ve got more
No please don’t continue, heck omg who woulda knew
Well now you know so they can be used by you
Yeah I guess your right I’ll give it a try F.U.
Categories:
lol., , giggle,
Form:
kissing my bare feet ~ like a receding wave you tease me
Flirt with me Contest ~
Sponsored by Bobby May
Placed 1st
© 25th August 2020
Categories:
lol., feelings,
Form:
Monoku
Oh, funny night owl; I relate
to you. I also stay up late!
My eyes, like yours, are mellow green
and staring too, but at a screen.
I stare at E-mails and TV
until I know that finally
I must retire myself to bed
and rest my weary night owl head.
I feel so rotten when I wake
I have to do a double take.
I see the clock. It's eight a.m.
I sit up grumbling, "Damn, oh, Damn."
Then brimming with new morning cheer,
I drag myself before the mirror
yet frown to see upon my face
those little lines I can't erase.
Oh, funny night owl. We're not wise
with circles underneath our eyes!
And now I get to look like hell
because I love the night so well.
Date: Sept. 20, 2011
Contest Name: Make Me Actually Lol 2 Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Nina Parmenter
Categories:
lol., funny, night,
Form:
Rhyme
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
WOMAN HITLER
Categories:
lol., war
Form:
Ode
I want to write a funny poem, one without meaning
So that everytime you read it, your going to start peeing
It will make you laugh
think of Giraffes
Possibly fart
and eat a pop-tart
Who knows maybe you will cry
only because its so dumb it's funny but you dont know why
This poem will talk about gypsies and snickers
maybe nerds who are nose pickers
Or maybe Chuck Norris
OMG did you know he drives a ford tauras
Who knows, maybe this poem could be famous
or maybe people might call me an ignoramous
Oh well, this poem I write one day will be awesome
Im thinking about even including a possum
His name will be Gerald
Omg HE IS PREGNANT NO>... NOT WILL FERRELL
Anyway Gerald will love snickers and chuck norris
Gerald will also get into a fight with a taurtus..
Scratch all that, that was not funny
Im just going to write about the Trix bunny
Categories:
lol., funnywrite, funny, write,
Form:
Rhyme
Daisy was a bossy cow
How she loved to rule the herd
The other cows detested her
Yet they dared not moo a word
Daisy would moo and moo all day
Whilst the other cows chewed the cud
She gave her loud opinions
Whilst the other cows landed the stud
One day Daisy met up with the local bull
He really was a handsome chap
She fluttered her eyelashes for she was on the pull
But her bossy ways were a handicap
The bull mated with all the other cows
Poor Daisy’s nose was put out of joint
He hated her attitude she was very rude
Yet she still tried to argue the point
The louder and louder Daisy mooed
Made the other cows back away
The bull turned on his heels and left the field
And left Daisy alone eating hay
Now Daisy was the farmer’s oldest
And as bossy as the farmers wife
He knew for the sure the old cow was the coldest
Sure they both gave him tons of strife
So when the butcher came to town
To bargain for cheap cows all around
The farmer smiled and sent them both on down
Let the poor butcher figure which old cow to drown!
My 900th poem I wanted it to be a fun write
100 in a row #9 Sponsored by PD Linda
12~19~15
Categories:
lol., fantasy, farm, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
I am inspired by a contest theme to write a poem
The muse becomes a secondary thing.
Even if the muse is inspired,
and I try to scribe something
on a theme of my choice,
the contest themes overrules my mind.
As a result, my mind tries to search on the themes
About to reach Denmark, I reach Norway.
and then; syllable counts, iambic meter
number of words per line, number of lines
and then the instructions of the sponsors;
I would specifically love this and that,
I am very strict about this and that
don’t write your name, write your name.
After spending hours for a poem
If I forget to comply to any of the rules
my love’s labor is partially lost
but certainly not miscarried.
As I feel dejected and rejected for a while
I feel happy, very happy thanks to the contest
that one more poem is added to my collection.
The same poem I use it for another contest.
Lo! The poem is a winner.
December 30, 2014
Form: Free Verse
Categories:
lol., fun, muse,
Form:
Free verse
She was an aspiring starlet, a real cutie patootie
Folks were in awe of her natural beauty
She wanted to be a great Hollywood star
But she’s taken the surgery much too far
Her teeth have been fixed for a dazzling smile
They are unnaturally white now they stand out a mile
The Botox she had was to smooth her pale skin
But she can’t move a muscle much to her chagrin!
Her eyebrow lift gives her a startled expression
The desire for perfection has become an obsession!
She’s had Botox on wrinkles and fillers on lips
Liposuction drained 2 pints of gunk from her hips
In trying to obtain that perfect pink pout
Its gone terribly wrong she now looks like a trout!
Her breasts are augmented and they look quite obscene
Like over inflated footballs seen in a top shelf magazine
These two huge ‘flotation tanks’ are silicon filled
They are lumpy and hard but her boyfriend is thrilled!
But how did she pay for surgery which was so drastic...
She opened her purse and put it on the plastic!!
Date:05 11 17
Contest Name:Make me actually LOL 2 Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Nina Parmenter
Categories:
lol., abuse, body, career, humorous,
Form:
Couplet
scientists say men come from apes we think
but the bible tells us there is no link
scientist say i'll stick to theory
but what they dont know is God's true fury
hypothesis, experiment an educated guess
if they just read the bible there wouldnt be all this mess
theory this and theory that
just to prove whats already fact??!!!
most of this is already tracked
just read the bible from front to back
a world wide flood they say??
read Genesis chapter six through eight
evolution and energy
a tenth dimension and relativity
omgee!!!what am i to do
all these fancy words to keep me confused
thermodynamics and radiation
time space continuum and inflation
all these terms and all these phrases
what happen to love and peace and giving praises?
i dont know but it sure is funny
how everything is controlled by money
and if you dont know what im talking about friend
just read 1st timothy chapter six verse ten
they call it diet, they think they're smart
the bible calls it fasting, did they miss that part??
but i guess they're all just full of pride
because they dont have God inside :)
Categories:
lol., educationbible, bible,
Form:
Rhyme