Best Let Off Poems
Age gracefully…that’s what I’ll do
Going to ignore the lines, how about you?
Inner beauty is what really counts
I happen to love my drooping mounts
Absolutely no Botox or fillers for me
Another varicose vein, Yipee
I’ll learn to love myself, no matter what
I will forever have my untucked gut
Graceful and elegant, that’s what I am
I will tell those cosmetic companies to scram
Lip plumping or lipo…no darn way!
And as for my hair…I will let it go gray
Facelifts are for the weak, you know
I happen to adore the feet of the crow
I’ll snub my reflection, chuckling a little at me…
For shunning pricey moisturizers provides me with glee
I don’t need any convertible or flashy car
My beauty shines really brightly, from afar
Who cares about the rolls, seeming to multiply each day?
No staples for me, I don’t care what I weigh
Dark circles make my eyes look cute
And those saddlebags are really a hoot
Juvederm and Radiance ….what a waste
On this mug, parentheses DO have a place
Lasik-I sincerely think not
That bifocal look is certainly hot
A new boytoy-There will be none of that
Though I’m sure he’d dig my charming back fat
The bell, oh no, I don’t mean to be crass
I guess I dozed off in Algebra Class
I must have been close to 40 in that frightful dream
And I was just about to let off a really loud scream
Nevertheless, my dear friends, I do so solemnly vow
To go off and age gracefully…at least for now
That's right...no need for the third degree
I promise to not get my first brow lift…until I’m at least 23
Categories:
let off, passion, visionary, beauty, beauty,
Form:
Free verse
SEBASTIAN BECK
The trapeze artist Sebastian Beck
His safety harness he forgot to check
Didn't notice it had snapped
Below all the crowd clapped
But in mid-flight he fell breaking his neck...
SIR NICHOLAS
The trophy hunter Sir Nicholas Hyde
Because of him many animals died
One day his gun jammed
He said I'll be damned
Last seen running for his life from a pride...
CHRISTOPHER SNODGRASS
A mean joker called Christopher Snodgrass
Liked to play jokes on his friends that were crass
They agreed revenge was due
On his toilet seat smeared glue
When he stood it took the skin off his a.s.s...
OLD SPARKY
A sadistic killer called Billy T. Clair
As a trophy cut off his victims hair
But one did not die
Vowed she'd see him fry
She got her wish when he went to the chair...
STALE AIR
Between floors at the gallery of art
A lift got stuck and the doors wouldn't part
The air was rancid as hell
And the trapped folk smelt a smell
Someone discreetly had let off a fart...
Written 1st March 2020.
Categories:
let off, humor,
Form:
Limerick
An hour before time, they put her through the motions.
Shoving and pulling her strings adding oil and suntan lotion.
Hot and humid still shining in candid spirit she professes
in music, a monotone but in finesse, a tune nonetheless.
Of her welcome song intrinsic in me but to her handlers, in blase
only the mere task of steering and roping in tense power play.
Embarking though marred by obvious signs of abuse and neglect.
Her rolling in elation disguised the slippery entrance and my regret.
Drivers accommodating cramped spaces as directed, gently to fill.
Opting to maitain serenity as they in vain, placate her iron will.
Do I hear her rising blood pulses or lack of joy in welcome thereof?
No, just the sound of tumultuous creaks and human smell
of perfume, tainted sweat and punjent oil leaks let off.
Disgruntled impatience of mere sailors but of her, not a peep.
Standing tall, holding firm a class of her own as she let sweep.
Riding the waves in style directing me to the destiny I must keep.
On and on she rides tantalising the waves as they foam at the peaks.
Such insight when she lapses into a lullaby putting me to sleep.
I return to a friend who knows well to serve, to ferry me ashore.
Another blissful time with her as the sea beckons for us to explore.
She is faithful, a useful companion with its own metallic commodore.
Sailing majestically forever a classy lady, our very own Lady Samoa.
(N.B Lady Samoa is our Inter-Island Ferry)
Categories:
let off, dedication, friendship, journey, relationship,
Form:
Free verse
Holiday dinners coming
Time to sit and feast
Moms afraid of infection
She worries about the yeast
Uncle Bobby wants some Turkey
He's picked out the wishing bone
If he is finally Lucky
He won't have to go home alone
Now the Turkey is boneless
The bread is not rising
The gravy is all lumpy
Grandma cukoo is smiling
Little jimmy is angry
He just wants to eat
But his cousin Elizabeth
Is taking toe jam off his feet
I should have stayed at home
With food that isn't gross
But then I wouldn't have seen
Grandpa riding the pot roast
He thought it was a Bronko
He made a big mistake
It never would have happened
If he had stayed awake
Lucky mom still had the ham
The roast had been destroyed
After it had been ridden
It was easy to avoid
Once the meal was over
I was nothing short of glad
I shouldn't tell you about Father
What he did was really bad
He went into the parlor
To let off some nasty gas
Sounded like an explosion
I laughed off my silly ass
My sad tale is now over
Every story has an end
If you don't really enjoy it
Be kind and just pretend
Christmas Dinner With Humor contest.
Written Dec 5 2012
Categories:
let off, funny, imagination, cousin,
Form:
Rhyme
Bank robber Jim was one unlucky bloke
Went to draw his gun but the holster broke
It dropped on the bank floor
And went off with a roar
The shock was too much and he had a stroke...
Though he was unconscious he hadn't died
Woke in a coffin for his final ride
In a desparate bid
Banged on the coffin lid
But all he could hear was laughing outside...
Written 17th June 2021
Then someone shouted can you hear banging
It was quite faint because folks were singing
The sheriff prised off the lid
And he was so glad he did
Because he thought we'll have us a hanging...
Jim didn't know whether to laugh or cry
Resigned himself to the fact that he'd die
Saw sheriff holding a rope
Realised there was no hope
And for unlucky Jim the end was nigh...
He was taken to the gallows in town
Handcuffed and wearing nothing but a frown
Jim was then starting to choke
But with the drop the rope broke
The crowd screamed as poor Jim came tumbling down..
Unlucky Jim jumped up quick as a flash
As he passed the bank ran in and grabbed cash
He stole the first horse he saw
Then let out a loud yee haw
And for sweet freedom he made a quick dash...
Written 19th June 2021
A bounty hunter called Nevada Slim
Went after bank robber Unlucky Jim
With tracker Spirit Bear
They discovered Jims lair
And Jim's future was now looking quite grim...
Slim called out "put your hands in the air"
Jim grabbed his gun, Slim said "don't you dare"
But Jim was too fast
And let off a blast
Slim fell dead then Jim shot Spirit Bear...
Jim quickly packed his things and rode away
Thankful that he'd survived another day
He decided to lie low
But what old Jim didn't know
Was that Pinkertons were heading his way...
Jim was sleeping in the afternoon sun
And didnt hear the cocking of a gun
He woke up with dread
Saw guns at his head
And a lawman said "Jim looks like your done"...
Jim was handcuffed and they rode back to town
There to meet them was Sheriff and Judge Brown
The charges were read
Jim nodded his head
Sheriff said " this time Jim you're going down" ...
For Jims last request he asked for a smoke
And noticed the hangman had a new rope
He put a hood on Jims head
Jim dangled then he was dead
An escape this time!, there wasn't a hope...
Written 1st July 2021
RIP UNLUCKY JIM
Categories:
let off, humor,
Form:
Limerick
Jan caught a jet plane to New York
Where bacon does not come from pork
To end her trip
Jan let one rip
The Captain delivered a stork
Jan's flight was Economy grade
Stuck between an old man and old maid
In the middle row
Which way should she blow?
"Hey! I've got a new hearing aid!"
Hot air will rise up to the Heaven
Where degrees are numbered to seven
But Jan's chocolate farts
Broke all of the charts
And bounced back to suffocate Devon
Donald Trump and May made a pact
To abolish the Clean Air Act
For with Jan on the loose
Even Trump could deduce
Air stinks as a matter of fact
Jan could hear the wind in the willows
And lay down her head on the pillows
But one gust of wind
Would quickly transcend
Her sheets into shuddering billows.
So Jan wanted to go back home
But her agent booked her to Nome
The crews final task:
"Get oxygen mask"
Jan's luggage was blasted to Rome
Jan thought that she needed a rest
So she flew off to Budapest
She let off a few
For Captain and crew
Now she oompahs Oktoberfest
Categories:
let off, chocolate, flying, funny, silly,
Form:
Limerick
This train of pain stop’s at every
Train stop
Seeking all that want to step on
Board
You can buy a ticket or ride free
For he welcome one and he
Welcome all
Twisted faces cries out in a
Relentless cry
Welcome all and I want all
Screams of pain yell to the
Mountain tops
The pain clamps deeper with
With a eerie growl
He said let’s go for a ride
All Around the track and hence
Forth back again
Pain” O” pain run from me I
Swear I will be careful the
Next go round
Give me peace and make my
Body free
From this painful drunken state
Am in
For my eyes are blurry
My limbs is crackin”
So much pain for one to endure
The pain is cutting into my heart
It’s piercing through me like a
Sharp knife
Can’t you see my heart is losing
Blood
Drip, drip, drip my blood
Is Rushing and running on the
Floor
Please, Mr. Conductor stop this
Here train
All this blood is making me sick
Let off, “O” let me off
Know getting off you just enter
Into hell...
Categories:
let off, angst, death, mystery, science
Form:
Free verse
A cover’s no way to judge a book
The first few words is all it took
To open up the memory chest
Of a dark past so long suppressed.
Like a dog let off its lead
The words are sticks I must retrieve
To read of someone else’s pain
The threats, the violence and the shame.
Lying curled up in a ball
Drunken menace in the hall
Racing heart cannot prevent
Looming shadow, no consent.
Calloused hands move from neck to arms
Leave no bruise or signs of harm
“I didn’t hurt you, you are mine
Say no again, I will next time”.
Each leaf turned brings back a time
When this memoir echoed mine
Tale unfolds upon each page
Tells of horrors, threats and rage.
I can’t take this anymore
Throw the book down on the floor
Sitting reading will not stop
All the heart ache and the rot.
If someone loves you, they won’t do
All these dreadful things to you
No person should endure this hell
Stop it now, it’s time to tell.
Categories:
let off, fear, life, people, words,
Form:
Light Verse
I go outside and what do I see?
a gaggle of people staring and gawking at me.
Is it the way I look or how I am presented?
The way they stare shows signs of confusion and resentment.
Everywhere I go everyone shows the same expression,
Leaving me confused as to why I'm getting this perplexed attention.
Is it the way my face is pale and clothes are torn?
Or how I haven't had a single hair since the day I was born?
I ran to the dock to let off some steam,
Everyone won't stop looking at me,
All I can do is SCREAM.
Categories:
let off, angst, anxiety, body, clothes,
Form:
Free verse
Let off a lead,
freedom bounds
as if all joy is held
within a bouncing ball
to be retrieved
and brought back to lay
at a lover's feet. Then
sent off to do again.
Smells wafting
from tree trunks,
fence posts and tufted grass
flood the air with molecules
sending canine bladders
into spasm eager
to mark the moment
as their own.
Focussed on what is firm
beneath their feet,
every nerve they have
is wired to ‘now’
whilst I, looking on,
try and retrieve phantoms
bouncing across what was
and what is yet to come.
Categories:
let off, dog, joy, time,
Form:
Free verse
I guess I was left alone after sixth grade, wandering my way.
You believed in me, offered up openings and let me say
what I would and delve into the sun and world and stay
and even you ended up with the lecture that betrays.
I wrote I hate because I was writing a friend's words and heart.
You asked me who I would be and even then I wanted all, a dart
where you wanted a girl to trudge through all scientific dirt
while you rode the airplanes and dumped the bombs and let off farts.
The alien chart given to us by the friend with death in his eyes
turned into a get after her and steal her gift away, mini-size
combat world I have entered, perhaps I don't want to see
that my skin and bones won't take the abuse and slip free.
You told me it was trash, imagination, you whose directions I embraced,
tall as my father, kind in punishment with paddle, food for an ace,
do what I can, make the baskets and short end instead of lace
but even then I crocheted for quiet and the ending of days.
How can I choose one star when there are minds that blink into focus
you were the exhaust shoot that let me fly without hocus pocus
I thought I had a community who could let me be without fuss
instead I became the joke who you could goad into a cuss.
Stars are supposed to offer a route into the future
I only have my mind and the heart break of needed sutures
I have Gandhi and Buddha and they hold my hands as lures
to study silence, and Pink Floyd to cuddle but not reassure.
So why is the man with a paddle and heart my only star?
Outside I am compliant and you're happy with her
but inside I am defiant that you have not seen me soar
because I am the murk you want to avoid for a lark.
Betrayals hurt the heart by ignoring the soul's worth.
Betrayals hurt the mind by ignoring the leaps of birth,
Betrayals hurt the soul by closing doors into endless hurt.
My stars always hurt me so I always restart.
I am still alone following the paths who clarity offer hope
and alone because my web of life is so immense I'm a dope
and alone because the daily bread tastes too much like soap,
when the quiet of peace and dark blue earns my truest troth.
Sheri Fresonke Harper
poem for Brightest Star Contest
Categories:
let off, devotionme, world, heart, star,
Form:
The cows is lowin' in the old corral and all the evenin' chores is done.
Hank scraped the manure off'n his boots 'cause he's a fastidious son-of-a-gun.
He drew his pay, jumped in his pickup and headed fer Clyde's Saloon,
To quaff some brew, grab a gal er two and dance to the fiddler's tune!
There was a hoedown at Clyde's where cowpokes met ever' Saturday night.
There they danced, boozed and let off steam that usually ended in a fight!
There was a band with drums, banjo, fiddle, bass and a steel git-tar,
And the pianer player Mike McGurk (when they could pry him from the bar!)
A gal named Mousy Bush sang with a voice that quivered like Robin Hood's bow.
That's where Hank hung out Saturday nights to blow his hard-earned dough!
Hank was dancin' the Texas Two Step and havin' the time of his life,
When an incident occurred that occasioned another night of strife.
Some dude splattered a Coors on Hank's new Calvin Klein shirt and jeans.
Now, stuff happens and normally this wouldn't amount to a hill of beans,
But this got Hank's dander up and since he never held his hootch all that well,
He punched the guy, bloodied his schnoz and began a-raisin' hell.
A grand brawl ensued with ever'one tossin' punches, chairs and tables.
There was a heap of cussin' with patrons lablin' others with tawdry lables!
Hank arose Sunday mornin' with a poundin' headache and two black eyes,
But he'll be back at Clyde's Saturday next to enjoy a hoedown with the guys!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2014 All Rights Reserved
(Not for the contest)
Categories:
let off, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
If I were stronger
I’d say a permanent goodbye
To life
To strife
To misery
To pain
Ah…..the pain
No, it’s too hard
Too damn hard
Too hard
Damn
Damn
Hard
They tell me to be grateful
For all that I have
And I am
I am
But they don’t see
They don’t hear
The voice inside
That torments me
The demon of my failures
That accuses me
I’m not good enough
I was never good enough
For the world
For myself
For you
Perfectionist’s nightmare
Striving for the ideal
But all I see
Are broken people
Cracked hearts
Baggage not willing to be let off
At any station
Because though it is so heavy to carry
It's familiar
It offers "security"
No, life is too hard
Pills help
Friends help
Family help
God helps
But what is the use
When I tear down
With my own hands
I tear down
Walls of comfort
Of love
I bleed
I grieve
For the woman I used to be
The woman with dreams
Ideals
Walking along the rosy pathways
Of life
Not seeing the thorns
Believing
Always believing
That true love
Will win the day
There is no TRUE love
I challenge you
Find me the source
Tell me where it abides
Where it hides
Tell me
IF you know
If you can honestly say
Your heart has never been torn
If you can look me in the eye
And say you have never lied
You have never strayed
Never betrayed
With your heart
Your words
Someone who loved you
To distraction
And beyond
Forgive me….
It’s nighttime
I’m weak
I wait for the dawn to come
When I can swallow the pill
That brings me happiness
Makes the world that rosy place
Where I can again dance
And smile
And yet I know in my heart
It’s not really me
There is a me no one sees
The woman behind the face
In a lonely place
Longing...
To say goodbye
Eileen Manassian Ghali
Categories:
let off, goodbye, suicide,
Form:
Free verse
Hood fellow, pull her hair like I do the trigger
Plenty of cash, don't care if she's a gold-digger
She broke-up with her ex and got me, lost and found
Get in bed, take out my pistol, let off a round
Shoot her up, shoot her up, bang, bang
Blowing on my mic', the best song she ever sang
The chick's riding me, she started to pant
She dropped down low, started giving brain, transplant
She's eating that wood, like she's a termite
Got something to quench her thirst, but it's not sprite
I think I might go down-town, to get some dessert
She's like a water gun when she climax, squirt
Always takes showers, but she's oh so dirty
Started at three, it's going on four-thirty
Make sure I meet her needs, you're a minute man
She say I got flavor, but you're kinda' bland
I'm speeding, you get home at six, it's rush-hour
Gotta' clean up for you, hit it in the shower
She's so wet, it's like swimming in the ocean
Hop out the shower, dry off, wipe her down with lotion
Starts to get upset, said she wanted me to stay
Ain't in Florida, but she might go M.I.A
Categories:
let off, humorous, life, men, metaphor,
Form:
Rhyme
While unwilling to fight in Vietnam, there were thousands who fled to
Canada to avoid the draft.
While I was serving my country
in a different kind of way by working with streets gangs in the war zones of housing
projects in the city of Chicago;
And while I was just turning 19
and receiving a college deferment
from the draft, there was a teenager
with a dream of joining the military
and becoming a marine.
He was a youngster not yet fifteen.
He was determined to live out his dream.
I think not that he needed to let off steam.
Sometimes it's hard to tell what things mean.
His dilemma was the fact that he was only 14 years old
about to turn 15.* To remedy the situation, he decided to falsify his birth certificate. He managed to succeed in doing so, and after finishing his basic training, he was later sent off to the war in Vietnam.
He defended his country before being killed in June of 1969 at age 15. He became the youngest soldier to be (KIA) killed in action for his country. I discovered his story inadvertently while researching other subjects. Prior to a few days ago, I had never heard of him. Now, I shall not fail to honor him.
05262017 Contest, Mid October Standard, Strand *Dan Bullock, Wikipedia
Categories:
let off, america, history, kid, memorial
Form:
Narrative