Best Hypochondriac Poems

Please help me doctor
I feel I can't breathe
my throats closing up
and it's making me wheeze
i'm sure it is asthma
or cancer or worse
please give me something
else I'll leave in a hearse

You poor little thing
it is all in your head
i've told you before
take these tablets instead
it will...

Continue reading...

I"m getting rather faint again
I don"t feel well at all.
My back has gone,my legs both ache
must sit in case i fall

Scurvy,swine flu,measles mumps.
I must have had the lot
I even broke out in a sweat
whilst i was in my cot

The doctor calls,he doesnt care,
Just looks at...

Continue reading...

“You’re such a hypochondriac,”
They say with a smirk
As they roll their eyes
I try to come up with lies…
But they just don’t see
The hypochondriac isn’t me
But that 12 year old child
Who nearly went wild
To see Mom lying in bed
Blood gushing from her head
Yet Mom smiled through...

Continue reading...

Hello
Goodbye
Morning
Sickness
Cigarette?
Cancer
Drugs
Salvation
Fluffy little bunnies
Myxomatosis
Yoghurt
Bacteria
Sunshine
Melanoma
Toilet
Armageddon
Death
Everywhere
Drugs
Salvation
Healthy
Obsession
Hypochondriac
Moi?...

Continue reading...

Swathed in bandages from head to toe 
That cut on my finger could go septic you know 
I’m not really touting for any attention 
It’s a guard against certain, imminent infection

Prevention is better than cure, I’ve always said 
Remember what happened to poor old Uncle...

Continue reading...

Old Annie has been lying for years
I think it has earned her a degree
She’s so expert at crocodile tears
which will gain her attention you see ...
then her sham illness just disappears!

She’ll google a topical disease
to convince medics that she’s got it
Keyhole surgery on both her...

Continue reading...

I once worked with a youth who had gingivitis
Twenty years younger yet she already had arthritis

Pretty enough in spite of her dermatitis
She so craved attention we all thought caused by meningitis

Winters seemed worse with time off due to bronchitis
Bouts in hospital for appendicitis and diverticulitis

Regularly...

Continue reading...

My face is covered
In splotches
My hair is dull and brown
My stomach bulges
And my butt is fat

My back- it aches
My head- it throbs
I stubbed my toe
Again

He looked at me 
She pulled my hair
And at my clothes 
The always stare

My side- it pains
My finger’s jammed
And in the...

Continue reading...

Hey, bud, I see 
you've got this 
weird type of paranoia,

    fearfully believing 
    that all the  germs 
    are scheming to kill ya,

that's why you don't 
trust bottled water, 
not even tequila;

  ...

Continue reading...

I went and sneezed this morning, I never sneeze that way
Is this the end?’ I ask myself ‘is this my final day?’
Oh they will shrug their shoulders and surely give a sigh
But it’s not their life at stake, for me the end is nigh!!

Should I...

Continue reading...

He sleeps and dreams exercise;
             packs his refrigerator
          with fruits and vegetables.
            A...

Continue reading...

allergic to bees
my greek honey
Spanishly stung me
now i know the
meaning of hives...

Continue reading...

thinking i
somehow
came down
with
parkingson's
but

then
realizing i was
shaking from
alcohol 
with
drawl...

Continue reading...

i caught
a glimpse
of sunset

filled with
feelings
fueled

by anxiety
and depression
thinking that this

actually at this
time everyday
my horizon

will repeat
itself thus
upsetting

me knowing
i'll lose her
everynight

again and
again
adinfinitum...

Continue reading...

i know he
just wiped
his nose
while he
coughed
and then
put away
that
shopping
cart

so let me
pick another
while i pick
my nose and
wonder is
that other
person
watching
me because
i'm also

paranoid...

Continue reading...