Best Hearing Aid Poems
My grandfather can’t really hear
He should have an aid in his ear
No sound that is found
Can he listen profound
And see that the noise can appear
Russell Sivey
huh, wudidjasay...
a-tension... apprehension
~ no comprehension
STATE OF THE ART HEARING-AID
I’m digging up the garden beds, preparing for the spring,
with a magpie and two blackbirds waiting for anything
that moves so they can pounce on it and scoff the tasty bug,
before waiting patiently for more garden to be dug.
Old Jimmy Watts who lives next door, does like to have a chat
across our fence when I’m about, on where his world is at.
I hadn’t seen old Jimmy for a while, so he set me right.
He told me his daughter Jean, had put him into respite.
This time a great three weeks was had, and Jimmy was sincere,
for this time when his old mates spoke, he actually could hear.
‘Me hearing’s going’ Jimmy moaned, ‘but hopefully for now,
after lashing out four grand, for what my budget would allow.’
‘These hearing-aids are noted, as to be state of the art,
with all the modern cons, to give the deaf a brand new start.
They’ve got a new app eco-system; what the hell that means,
is far beyond me aging mind, these invented tech-machines.’
I always thought Old Jimmy, had suffered hard of hearing.
At least with state, of the art, his life will be endearing.
Curious about the brand - ‘what kind is it?’ I uttered.
Old Jimmy checked his watch. ‘It’s near ten o’clock’ he muttered.
All they need is the gentle touch
From fingers that with purpose caress
And rub the lobes with a delicate clutch
Tracing circles with deft and finesse
Fall asleep now my princess, all will be well
By the time you awake I'll be gone
But you'll know I was here
By the sound in your ear
'Twas your troubadour's left you song
If, like me, you’ve been retired
for some time now, and your mailbox,
like mine, has become the repository
of all sorts of health advertisements –
vitamins, medicines, ointments, organic foods –
all of course urgent offers, even
discount checks, as incentives to purchases
all guaranteed (or your money back if still alive)
to slow down the aging process and renew
your vigor and if you’re male awaken
and enhance your sexual prowess
to what it used to be – if you can still
remember that far back – to when you
were on the summit of the “bloom of youth”
or as close to a Hell you didn’t believe in.
In my case, and for several years now,
I’ve been receiving almost monthly offers
for various hearing aids, accompanied
with generous checks as downpayment, besides.
A particular brand touted better than
all others and far more expensive,
and based on latest technological
breakthroughs and advances, etcetera, etcetera.
In short, a bargain even at the high price.
My hard-of-hearing mother fell for the carrot,
so-to-speak, and purchased a four thousand
dollar “top of the line” aid.
Was it an improvement? Yes, she shouted,
for background noises only! Tired of our shouting
matches and her chronic complaints – and expletives –
I decided to call the promotional company.
Apologies were profuse, but no fault
of the product. Rather my mother’s –
her age, for one, her advanced hearing loss,
for another. And as a consequence, with
weak apologies, no hope for a refund.
Frustrated, I made a final appeal that
no more advertisements be sent to her
and would they kindly remove her name
from their mailing list, to which they agreed,
and to which I responded: Sir, that’s the best
news I’ll ever have to shout at her.