Best Gads Poems
Tanks
"Da Tanks, da Tanks."
The President is not Chairman Mao.
Come on now!
Gads, what an ungrateful nation!
Perhaps haughty Don Lemon or
that court jester, Jim Acosta,
Two snobby nobodies behind
a mike, turning brains to mush
every night,
Could please each American
just right?
Go online tomorrow, you will
find how many presidents used
tanks and fly-overs.
The list is long, we are not
Tianimin Square!
But CNN and MSNBC, masters
of disinformation,
Make you think so!
Truth to them is totally cracked
and libelous information.
Such elitism, and political bigotry!
With utmost conceit will not cover
the DC events.
But! Will have proponents of
abortion on most happily.
Killing babies is OK, don't you see?
JFK, oh, so revered, had tanks
too!
And Fly Overs are happening,
even at football and baseball games.
And many civic events, yes!
So stop the hysteria over this
bizarre craziness.
Our country, our values are
being shredded.
Like the cheapest Wal-Mart
lettuce.
Wake the heck up!
Obama had more than enough sense
to have TWO Betsy Ross flags
behind him at BOTH of his
inaugurations.
Nobody said a word. Huh?
MSNBC, you all,just compared
the Betsy Ross flag to a
Swastika?
Oh, Lord, the total number of brains
there?
The size of a small brassica!
*Brassica~ a mustard plant
July 4, 2019
Ya..Let Freedom Ring
Categories:
gads, america, encouraging, independence day,
Form:
Rhyme
Try To Die and Why
There are those things which we try;
Some do have desire and want to die;
And admit,
Escape from it;
While rest of us have wondered why.
When I went to bed prayers have said,
And then off into the night my life sped;
Wondered why,
I will die;
Pretty soon eventually did end up dead.
Jim Horn
Why am I having these thoughts and
dreams? Gads. I will be 78 on June
26th. My brother is 70 today.
Categories:
gads, allegory, analogy,
Form:
Limerick
My nose is itchin', company's comin'.
Land sakes alive, as I live and breathe,
haven't seen you in a Coon's age.
Lookin' fat and sassy.
We're fair to middlin', barely gittin' by.
Livin' hand t'mouth, kids drivin' us up th'wall.
Uncle Sam bleedin' us dry. How're y'all farin'?
I'm on the skids, man, boss on my case.
Tossed out on my ear.
Ye gads and little fishes.
Ain't that the way, yah giv'em an inch,
they'll take a mile. You'll wind up
with your tail draggin' your tracks out.
Well, buck up, boy, every cloud has a silver lining.
Rome wasn't built inna day.
Don't give up before you start.
Where there's a will, there's a way.
Keep your chin up, time heals all wounds.
Don't sweat it, man, it'll all come out in th' wash.
In for a penny, in for a pound.
Put on a happy face, fake it, till you make it.
Stop monkeyin' around, actions speak louder than words.
Go out there and knock 'em dead.
It's every man for himself.
Let the chips fall where they may.
Categories:
gads, courage, humor,
Form:
Dramatic Monologue
Categories:
gads, blue, boxing day ,
Form:
Cinquain
Where are my shoes? I can't find my shoes!
Where have I put them? They're impossible to lose!
OMG, I'm ashamed! This is awful! Don't tell anyone the news!
--Whew! Now take a deep breath: I've found them with the booze.
Oh, no! Not my hat! Oh, drat! I simply can't have lost that!
My purple-pink alligator hat, the one that's cockeyed and flat.
Where could it be? It's not in the wine vat or under the doormat.
--Whew! Inhale and exhale: It's perched on top of the green velvet cat.
What's this? Ee-gads! My wedding ring's not on my finger?
Where in Heaven or Hell did I possible fling her?
Doggone it! It's not inside my life-size replica of a honeybee's stinger!
--Whew! OK, calm down! I see it: on the tippy-tip-tip of my hummingbird's
dinger.
O, Dear! Whatever can the matter be? Do you think that I'm losing it?
That I've got Alzheiimers, Dementia, or I'm Inspector Clousseau-ing** it?
Not a chance, my precious darling: Boot your brain and start using it!
Once you remember I'm already 99 1/2 years young,
You'll be glad that the green velvet cat in the purple-pink alligator hat
Hasn't yet got my tongue!
--February 07, 2018
__________________________________________________________
**Peter Sellers rather insane, comic character from the movie, "Return of the Pink Panther, c. 1975.
Categories:
gads, humorous, silly,
Form:
Rhyme
Watching episodes of The Tudors, I
cringe at examples of King Henry’s
pride and ruthlessness, casting off
wives and devotees with ease.. . .
As he gads about with
a new flame, an axe
falls again and
again on
Cromwell’s
neck.
Categories:
gads, history
Form:
Etheree
Electroconvulsive therapy,
a last ditch avail
able effort optioned, aye bewail
as desperation if standard
psychological measures peter
out leave ving paul tree
(paltry) choice, and blackmail
ling Doctor Frankenstein
out of the question, cuz
accidental discover re:
visa vis could yield (ahem) grave
zero APR, hence bad
(bon jovian) medicine
sought as precautionary
measure to countervail
undesirable repercussions
hoop fully curtail
ling any unexpected derail
ment, thus every nitty gritty detail,
asper my treatment plan
made purposely intractable
courtesy Matthew Scott Harris,
to flummox decrypting
this daunting task, whose
hair brained scheme didst entail
hatching with Sam I am
(of Doctor Zeus fame)...Oh...My...G___
egg gads no fail-
safe recourse, should shell shock
Electroconvulsive – formerly electric shock
therapy even slip an infinitesimal jot
offsetting requisite
exactly predicted results
yes, even if precision errs
by a mere clipped fingernail...
the sought after outcome
(devised on the fly - by night
Reddit writer above named author)
must absolutely dovetail
with The Elements of Style
or very close
facsimile thereof, anyway
strict requirements quality controlled
with results tubby
sent as email
to Strunk and White,
who will flail
like some GMO gone awry
(if patient accidentally electrocuted)
finding them to become
instantaneously petrified and frail
looking analogous to
witnessing the Holy Grail
shattering into a bajillion pieces,
whereby the heavens,
would reign hail
scaring every last man,
woman, and child to hightail
donned in heavy duty boots
studded with many a hobnail
with duff feet, sans long arm of
law and order on their heels,
and if any scapegoats nabbed
definitely consigned to jail
without chance of parole to prevail
no matter guilty might sail
to some tropical island awash
with countless carbon copies
of Euell Gibbons doppelganger,
and Swiss Alpine like mountains to scale.
Categories:
gads, grave, judgement, miracle, obituary,
Form:
Bio
Annabelle Gads
She is a fantastic fibber
Annabelle Gads
A fun-filled, fighter,a flirt and a felon.
Can she spend the night, Friday, please?
Categories:
gads, 10th grade, 4th grade,
Form:
Tanka
Brenda Chim Chim Cherie;
Chimney happy as can be.
While my many poems I am compiling,
What you should be doing is smiling;
Mind with load,
Can corrode;
Others may be fooling and beguiling.
Fatality A Reality
Last second was only a formality;
Finality ended up being a fatality,
And the last stance;
Mere happenstance;
That would become a total reality.
Procedure involved in finality
of a football game.
Jim Horn
PS. Like new format of Poetry Soup.
I still have almost 5,000 characters remaining.
Suppose I went back and tried to combine all
of my poems into 5,000 character pages. That
would be a challenge. Besides, you could take
many of my poems and change the names in
them and apply the poems to someone else.
You could change Hillary and Trump to someone
else you either like or dislike.
My poems have humor and hilarity;
Are distinguished by their disparity;
Good and pure,
And will endure;
Should contribute them to a charity.
Hard To Bare the Pain
Did find it hard to bare all the pain,
So you thought I should entertain,
And when poem is over and done,
Together we can have a lot of fun.
Laughter is just like a little leaf;
At first was found full of grief;
Had started floating high in air,
And below saw country so fair.
Returned back into the ground;
And with love he was drowned;
Like dirt himself would disguise;
All around he started to fertilize.
Was such a pretty ongoing scene;
Safe, sane secure and also serene;
Have become one of the big bores;
Best poems written are always yours.
Jim Horn
Gads. Over 10 again and I wasn't
even trying. With all the rules I
am complying. Wonder how much
more writing effort I would have to
exert to complete 5,000 characters.
Has anyone ever done that before?
After what appeared as much minusion,
They started having another revolution,
Many tries;
Win a prize;
Trying to find out if Li Po was a Lilliputian.
Analyzed using in and out and within between;
Li Po and suction sure created such a scene;
Jack Sprat,
With much fat;
The object was to determine how obscene.
Jim Horn
Categories:
gads, allegory, analogy,
Form:
Limerick
Horrible Humor
Gads. This is the most recent comment and I haven't even written one
yet. Guess I will just leave it up to your imagination regardless of the
situation or possible consternation or constipation. Merry Christmas.
Ho, ho and another ho and away we go either fast or slow or to and fro like a flying crow. So now you know I told you so. This actually happened in LinkedIn. I was trying to call up the most recent comment and all I ended up with was a blank screen having a blank space for me to put my comments in. Strange. Jim Horn
Categories:
gads, humorous,
Form:
Couplet
Being that I am a philosophical being. I find myself pondering many unique thoughts,
as I sit and stare off at the night time sky.
Earlier, I dined upon a sweet, young flower seller, down at the Square. She wore a
shawl about her shoulders ,that were stooping too soon on someone so young. As
though the weight of all her thoughts, rested upon her delicate shoulders. Well, she
has no need to worry now. After I sampled her blood, I slipped a thousand Pounds
into her skirt pocket. It always does good for a shepard to tend his flock.
Ah yes! Pondering thoughts.
I wonder what would happen, if were to awake to be mortal once more?
What if I were to conceive an allergy to blood?
Maybe I should allow myself to fancy myself in love and marry?
What if I were to enter a church in all my monstrous glory? What fun!
Or, what if I was no longer welcomed by Polite Society?
What if my tailor quit!?
Or say, if I were to reach out to you, the reader of my night time missives, right now.
Grab you 'bout the throat and drink deep? Ha!
But, what nonsense I ponder and write of.
For I will always be welcomed among Polite Society. I am far too charming not to be.
My tailor, although routinely vexed with me for the late night hours I employ his
services, would never quit me. I pay his exorbinate fees without qualms.
The rest of my meanderings. Ha! I fear not a one.
But, the mere thought of Crystal having kittens herself....GADS!
~Lord Kellington
Categories:
gads, funnynight, night, time,
Form:
Narrative
M ake my head hurt
I t makes me vomit
G ot to go to bed
R age, Rage, Rage
A llows me no peace
I nsists on misery always
N ever lets me rest
E gads!!! Just shoot me
S ucks! Sucks! Sucks!
Categories:
gads, health, lifeme, me,
Form:
Acrostic
Speeding
Trying to get my work done
So I can spend some time with you
But, alas
The site won’t allow me on
Now, I’m frustrated
Eek gads!
Reverse Cameo syllable count is 2,7,8,3,7,5,2, unrhymed
Categories:
gads, angst,
Form:
Free verse
For Another Beer
Of all, making friends will be the most fun
Perfectly pleasing when beginning and done
Happiness and laughter have been in the air
For all of my poetry friends I always care.
There is something else I want to address
Main object of mine is to remove all stress
Make you relieved and continually relaxed
Especially your mind so it won't be taxed
To add, can you think of anything more?
You want to bring up worth fighting for
Even though I am old and twilight is near
Will head to Check Six for another beer.
James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
RiverSea Plantation
Bolivia, NC
Gads. Six have already read my two latest poems
and I don't have the slightest idea as to who they
are. Wish they would make a comment so I know
who they are.
Categories:
gads, encouraging,
Form:
Couplet
Gads. I have ten messages to answer
that I received from other different
poets yesterday.
What we should do is be sure to reassure
Someone who up to can always measure,
What they want,
During the hunt,
And compliments they are sure to treasure.
Jim Horn
Give them compliments they will treasure.
Oh no.
Thank you for your wonderful poems. We only
allow 10 poems posted per 24hr period so that
more poems are read. Thanks again for your
wonderful poetry. In the meantime, please
comment on the poetry of others. Having a
hard time doing that and answering comments
send to me at same time. Oh, well.
Mueller Bio on TV last night was Great. Comey's
ought to be great also next Sunday. We need to
write a book.
Confirm Either Germ Or Sperm
We came to realize that we must confirm,
Maybe it possibly was some kind of germ;
Not quite sure;
Source not pure;
After more supportive evidence is sperm.
Jim Horn
Categories:
gads, allegory, analogy,
Form:
Limerick