O, Dear - Whatever Can the Matter Be

Where are my shoes? I can't find my shoes! Where have I put them? They're impossible to lose! OMG, I'm ashamed! This is awful! Don't tell anyone the news! --Whew! Now take a deep breath: I've found them with the booze. Oh, no! Not my hat! Oh, drat! I simply can't have lost that! My purple-pink alligator hat, the one that's cockeyed and flat. Where could it be? It's not in the wine vat or under the doormat. --Whew! Inhale and exhale: It's perched on top of the green velvet cat. What's this? Ee-gads! My wedding ring's not on my finger? Where in Heaven or Hell did I possible fling her? Doggone it! It's not inside my life-size replica of a honeybee's stinger! --Whew! OK, calm down! I see it: on the tippy-tip-tip of my hummingbird's dinger. O, Dear! Whatever can the matter be? Do you think that I'm losing it? That I've got Alzheiimers, Dementia, or I'm Inspector Clousseau-ing** it? Not a chance, my precious darling: Boot your brain and start using it! Once you remember I'm already 99 1/2 years young, You'll be glad that the green velvet cat in the purple-pink alligator hat Hasn't yet got my tongue! --February 07, 2018 __________________________________________________________ **Peter Sellers rather insane, comic character from the movie, "Return of the Pink Panther, c. 1975.