O, Dear - Whatever Can the Matter Be
Where are my shoes? I can't find my shoes!
Where have I put them? They're impossible to lose!
OMG, I'm ashamed! This is awful! Don't tell anyone the news!
--Whew! Now take a deep breath: I've found them with the booze.
Oh, no! Not my hat! Oh, drat! I simply can't have lost that!
My purple-pink alligator hat, the one that's cockeyed and flat.
Where could it be? It's not in the wine vat or under the doormat.
--Whew! Inhale and exhale: It's perched on top of the green velvet cat.
What's this? Ee-gads! My wedding ring's not on my finger?
Where in Heaven or Hell did I possible fling her?
Doggone it! It's not inside my life-size replica of a honeybee's stinger!
--Whew! OK, calm down! I see it: on the tippy-tip-tip of my hummingbird's
dinger.
O, Dear! Whatever can the matter be? Do you think that I'm losing it?
That I've got Alzheiimers, Dementia, or I'm Inspector Clousseau-ing** it?
Not a chance, my precious darling: Boot your brain and start using it!
Once you remember I'm already 99 1/2 years young,
You'll be glad that the green velvet cat in the purple-pink alligator hat
Hasn't yet got my tongue!
--February 07, 2018
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**Peter Sellers rather insane, comic character from the movie, "Return of the Pink Panther, c. 1975.
Copyright © Gershon Wolf | Year Posted 2018
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