Best Funnyhope Poems
Your skin glows like the Watermelon,
blossoms Amazing as the Lily in the purest hope of spring.
My yearning heart rises to your Drumming voice
and leaps like a Giraffe at the whisper of your name, Bo.
The evening ascends in on a great Nightengale wing.
I am calmed by your Panties that I carry into the twilight of Remotebeams
and hold you next to my Armpit.
I am filled with hope that I may dry your tears of Mountain Dew.
As my Nostril falls from my T Shirt,
it reminds me of your Lamp Shade.
In the hushed, I listen for the last ZING of the spring.
My heated Earlobe leaps to my Hobo.
I wait in the crystal moonlight for your secret Pot
so that we may Slide as one, Earlobe to Earlobe,
in search of the glorious Maroon and spiritual Trophy of love.
HAR HAR HAR!!!
Love, Wayne
Your skin glows like the Banana, blossoms sexy as the daisy in the purest hope of
spring.
My yearning heart rises to your guitar voice and leaps like a dog at the whisper of
your name, Wayne.
The evening ascends in on a great humming bird wing.
I am calmed by your g-string that I carry into the twilight of tablebeams and hold
next to my philtrum.
I am filled with hope that I may dry your tears of water.
As my knees falls from my hat, it reminds me of your bed.
In the hushed, I listen for the last holler of the spring.
My heated naval leaps to my jeans. I wait in the crystal moonlight for your secret
thrill so that we may dance as one, naval to naval, in search of the glorious red and
spiritual eyes of love.
From the love poem generator on poetry soup!! LOL
The Snooty Hotel
By Elton Camp
The hotel was nicer than usual for us.
It looked like maybe a four-star plus.
If we tried to be friendly to those there,
We were firmly rebuffed by a cold stare.
“Let’s have a bit of fun with these snoots,
We can do it if we will work in cahoots.”
My wife and I devised us a funny plan.
It was on the down elevator that it began.
The car was packed front to the back.
As soon as it moved we began to yak.
“Did you chain the gorilla just now?
Do it the safer way I showed you how?”
“Yes, you know what happened before.
He went berserk and tore down the door.”
None of them had a single word to say,
But their faces, their horror did betray.
“Well, I just hope it will be enough.
That time, he did some violent stuff.
Those three guests he ripped apart.
I hope nothing like that he’ll start.”
“Those chains aren’t in the best shape.
I don’t know how much they can take.
I’m glad that we did about all we can.
We don’t need another hotel us to ban.”
At the lobby level, the door slid open.
None of them acted like we’d spoken.
We continued to talk as we walked away.
Frantic at the desk, we heard them say:
“Those two people must surely be insane.
How in this hotel can you let them remain?
A vicious gorilla they have in their suite.
We demand that they be put on the street.”
Welcome to my poetic Burlesque
To read this poem you must first undress
If I were near, I must confess
I’d pay close attention, you might have guessed
I don’t wish to appear a bit too rude
But I wrote it, so you must read it, in the nude
Just loose your puritan attitude
A naked body is my libido’s food
There are only a couple of verses more
I hope you have removed all that you wore
I am sure your figure I would adore
Even if your caption would read, “Before”
You cannot read the final verse
Until your birthday suit you are in first
That modesty bubble you really must burst
Our fear of nudity is a horrible curse
Now take a picture to offer proof
You followed the rules – now tell the truth
Email it to me, I’ll treat it with couth
I hope to get a stack that reaches the roof
They send you into danger telling you it has to be
And they hope that you'll never be late
It is the best thing that you ever could see
though it never ends good for the bait
you're pushed out in front to be seen by the foe
and just being there doesn't feel great
it's just one of these things that you will need to know
though it never ends good for the bait
Your handlers tell you that you're doing fine
you'll advance soon if you will just wait
just do what they say and keep toeing the line
though it never ends good for the bait
It often feels good to enjoy life in full
and to see what the world has this date
so get out and about and do things that are cool
though it never ends good for the bait
Then go back to doing the things that you do
and cast all of your fortunes to fate
you hope you'll survive all that you are put through
though it never ends good for the bait
The Snooty Hotel
By Elton Camp
The hotel was nicer than usual for us.
It looked like maybe a four-star plus.
If we tried to be friendly to those there,
We were firmly rebuffed by a cold stare.
“Let’s have a bit of fun with these snoots,
We can do it if we will work in cahoots.”
My wife and I devised us a funny plan.
It was on the down elevator that it began.
The car was packed front to the back.
As soon as it moved we began to yak.
“Did you chain the gorilla just now?
Do it the safer way I showed you how?”
“Yes, you know what happened before.
He went berserk and tore down the door.”
None of them had a single word to say,
But their faces their horror did betray.
“Well, I just hope it will be enough.
That time, he did some violent stuff.
Those three guests he ripped apart.
I hope nothing like that he’ll start.”
“Those chains aren’t in the best shape.
I don’t know how much they can take.
I’m glad that we did about all we can.
We don’t need another hotel us to ban.”
At the lobby level, the door slid open.
None of them acted like we’d spoken.
We continued to talk as we walked away.
Frantic at the desk, we heard them say:
“Those two people must surely be insane.
How in this hotel can you let them remain?
A vicious gorilla they have in their suite.
We demand that they be put on the street.”
My nephew is living with me and he's a pain.
I tell my brother that I like him but sadly I feign.
He drinks most of my whiskey and then waters it down.
I guess I won't be getting drunk while this jerk is around.
I want to throw him out but I owe a favor to my brother.
He has four sons, I hope I don't get stuck with another.
My nephew takes leaks in my sink and takes dumps in my plants.
He's a bastard and now you understand why I rant.
He eats all of my food and sleeps with my wife.
I hope that I don't get stuck with this jerk for life.
My life is so crappy and I don't know if I can take much more.
If you see your nephew coming, you'd better lock your doors.
(THIS IS A FICTIONAL POEM.)
I'm writing this poem with invisible ink
And it's gonna disappear
You better read it as fast as you can
For soon it won't be here
You better have a photographic memory
To remember what it said
For before you know it, it's gonna be gone
And you won't know what you've read
Now the first two stanzas are fading fast
You better hurry and read it quick
Every minute counts with invisible ink
You can hear the seconds tick
I trying to warn you to read a little faster
And I hope everyone will listen
'Cause if you don't you're gonna find out
That part of this poem is missin'
Well, I'm finally finished, this poem is over
And I hope you made to the end
It didn't disappear like I said it would
But wasn't it fun to pretend?
I'm looking for a female
Who likes to share her food
Who doesn't mind a real small house
I hope I'm not being rude
She must like to take a bath
Every Sunday night
And sleep where I tell her to
Without puttin' up a fight
Must like to take long walks
And spend some time outside
A female I can talk to
And even take for a ride
She don't have to be too pretty
Looks don't matter at all
She just needs to be obedient
And hear me when I call
She must have all her teeth
In case she gets in a fight
I want her to defend herself
Anything less ain't right
I sure hope someone answers soon
But at least I know I tried
You see, my poor dog is lonely
And he really does need a bride