Best Funnyfood Poems
Comfort food is a riddle,
Makes one soft in the middle
No matter how hard I try ,
When I smell food fry.
I drool a little spittle.
They say comfort food is in your head,
Unless you eat it in bed,
Then without any warning ,
You’ll wake in the morning,
With food in your sheets instead.
Some say they take ex-lax,
To help their bellies relax,
But if you do ,
Best head for the loo,
Before you leave some tracks.
So much for the comfort food story,
It’s obviously lacking in glory,
But if it succeeds,
In meeting your needs,
Let me burp it out .."I’m sorry".
Being on time
Almost on time
All my life
Always strife
Making ex cu u ses
Why I am late
Thinking it's stu u pid
When they all wait
Eat the food while it's hot
Please eat the food while it's hot.
(Silent Night)
The Fat Man at the Buffet
By Elton Camp
Saturday eve, we thought it might be nice
To go to “All-You-Can-Eat-for-One Price.”
But as we were standing in the line to pay
We spotted quite a man on down the way
The fellow must weigh five hundred pounds
Managers came and left with worried frowns
We wonder that, since that one had come around,
They’d take the “All You Can Eat” sign down
When he gets in there and his food does choose
Much of the night’s profits they are sure to lose
Rather than a plate, the big man grabbed a tray
So he could pile much more by doing that way
As soon as he spied the delicious sirloin steak,
It wasn’t just one or two, but five he did take
Then he came to the huge container of fried fish,
He snatched fast. All but two of them he did wish
Fried chicken he surely must like the very best
He loaded his tray: legs, thighs, wings and breast
Then came potatoes, gravy, tomatoes, corn, rice
Finally, many types of bread did the man entice
When the biggest table el gordo managed to find
Then it required two chairs to hold his huge behind
The waitress came over to ask him about his drink
“I’ll take lemonade, Coke, Pepsi, and Sprite, I think.”
We couldn’t get our food until more was brought
The glutton had taken so much more than he ought
We made our selections, but it wasn’t long before
The enormous man came back to get some more
And then when our meal was very near complete,
We saw him getting the dessert he wanted to eat
Chocolate cake, ice cream, cookies, and apple pie
He saw no reason why he shouldn’t all of them try
Manager gave a sigh of relief when he left the place
“A man who eats like that is nothing but a disgrace.”
To the cashier he said, “If you see another of those,
Then very firmly tell him that this place is closed.”
A KID’S OPINION ON FOOD
Some food is horrible, such as carrots - they are carrible
Not fit even to feed to parrots - taste just terrible
And worser food such as maize is more horribler:
He calls corn-on-the-cob - corribler.
(I know its corny to say so, but when he tests it
It’s obvious he just detests it.)
Horriblest of all, even if the harvest is blest and bountiful,
Is fish - given repeatedly by the mouthful.
But the ultimate poison, - in the opinion
Of an expert in food like my little son -
The mostest horriblest is. . . . . liver :
It should simply be thrown in the river.
You've heard the story of Goldilocks
And the bears that chased her away
But now it's time to tell the truth
'Cause it didn't really happen that way
Goldilocks weighed four hundred pounds
She'd eat anything in sight
And It didn't matter what it was
She still had to have one bite
Now the whole town knew of her appetite
So they locked their food in storage
And that just left those poor little bears
Who was just trying to cool their porridge
Now she could smell food a mile away
For she had an amazing snout
But still she waited to make certain
Those bears had ventured out
She didn't just break one of those chairs
She actually broke all three
Remember, she weighed four hundred pounds,
And was as fat as she could be?
She wandered into the bedroom
And broke each one of their beds
So she curled up on the floor to sleep
With three pillows under her head
While she slept, those bears came home
And they were as hungry as could be
Did I mention she broke the remote control
To the bear's big screen tv?
Anyway, the bears had finally had it
That's all that they could take
In their rage they didn't notice
That goldilocks was now awake
So they trapped her in the corner
And were poised for the attack
But goldilocks was still hungry
And was looking for a snack
Needless to say she ate those bears
I know this story seems crude
But I'm just trying to warn you
To make sure you hide your food
Based on Goldilocks and the Three Bears
Never been one much for food, always caused too much fear. “Geeeeez” would there be
enough? Enough food was always a concern. I’d think of cold days when Dad was gone. Mom
was crying and sled rides through the snow to grandmas where, maybe, there was venison.
Didn’t like seeing the red, blue-black meat all smelly and sizzling in the pan. (The deer’s
head was a porch wall!) Loved the golden butter and the onions. Gram would have potatoes
always lots of them.
I can’t ever remember wanting to feel full. When I was full if I ever got full “Wouldn’t
someone else be empty?” I thought they might, so, I never tempted fate. I was a little bitty
girl. I took bitty bites and wee tastes especially if it was yummy.
There were and are things I love to taste, but I wouldn’t say eat. “Tastin’ now that’s the
thing! Tastin’ doesn’t hurt no one. Don’t hurt them by eatin’ all theirs and don’t hurt you if it’s
yucky” The bestest most happiest tastes, I can remember, are sour tastes “Go figure? “ I’m
your kosher dill girl. I’m a prickle barrel surprise. My Jewish family Tanta and Uncle Don had
the bestest pickles “Mmmmmmmm yummy!” What a crunchin’ delight and a pickle won’t fill
you up either. A pickle will just make your mouth water and your tongue lick your lips. “If
you have two pickles you ain’t eatin’ no ones supper either!” So I’d have ta say, “ Pickles is
my food of joy crunchy, cold, half-sour, Jewish pickles given with love from my Uncle Donny.”
The World’s Best Food Served Here
By Elton Camp
Judd’s Hamburger Shack does tell
That the world’s best is what we sell
And about a mile on down the street,
“Our fine fried chicken can’t be beat.”
Another says, “Try our famous catfish.
For none better can you possibly wish.”
There’s “Vegetables cooked homestyle
Our food is just extremely worthwhile.”
Then, “Our delicious desserts are yummy.
Come put some of them into your tummy.”
And “Our spicy Mexican food is a treat.
We guarantee that it can’t possibly be beat.”
Then I see “Come and eat Japanese style.
So, do yourself a favor and give it a trial.”
On and on the restaurants proudly boast
And claim that their food is just the most
But near the edge of town is a place I see
Its truth in advertising is amazing to me
It looks like a clean little Chinese place
And no extravagant words does it waste
“OK Chinese Food,” the sign does say
Means the food’s not great, but it is okay?
Poor command of English might it be?
Or perhaps it is an example of honesty