Best Fire Brigade Poems

Benedict was tired, he’d been driving all day.  
This was his last delivery, 2 tonnes of eggs delivered to Safeway.  
The kid came out of nowhere, stared Benedict in the face,
He tried to brake, then swerved, in the wrong place.

The scene was chaos,...

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There's a breed of Aussie hero who has served this nation well 
and they don a yellow uniform to face the fires of hell. 
When day temperatures are soaring and the high winds blow a gust, 
and our bushland is ignited it's in them we...

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The fire brigade are on standby
With their hoses in their hand
For today it is my birthday
My birthday cake is on a stand
There are so many candles
It is a health and safety risk
So be ready with the hoses guys
And make sure you get here quick!


Any poem...

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Once again it’s Saturday; the day when footy reigns supreme.
The Dogs are up against the Cats, the premier favoured team,
but I’ve got no doubts the mighty Dogs will surely cope with that.
I couldn’t think of nothing worse than being beaten by a Cat.

But then I...

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Lumpy Rumpy, now a high school lad,
I'm afraid is still acting very bad,
In his school laboratory he did amass,
Some stinking, self-made, rotten egg gas.

He corked it up in a chemistry vial,
Then down the town, he strolled for a while,
Choosing a site, the local paper shop,
He...

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Dear Sir or Madam

I’m not in the habit of talking to air
But just for the moment I’ll talk like you’re there
My mind isn’t closed to your actual existence
My doubts are not simply a stubborn resistance

But I cannot see you, I can’t feel your touch
And logic...

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Chernobyl.


A nuclear disaster, in the Russian town Chernobyl,
An odor-less killer, the invisible force.
As the radiation escapes, from the crumbling reactor,
We must cool it down, before it blows.


Evacuate Pripyat, the employee’s town,
The town of 35000; first on the list of infected people.
No warnings to the town...

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Unquotable quotes: Fat People – XXIX

(I know this piece sounds mean and cruel but as every single parent must have experienced, this is also the expression of utter exasperation, and perhaps there’s also the slightest hint of an iota of necessary truth in it after...

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Unquotable quotes – V

Constant dipping wears out the hardest bone.
Out of sight, out of bind.
Too many cooks spoil the school books.
Be a cuckoo and lay your eggs at the cuckold’s next door.
When lightning strikes, the fire-brigade rides.
Don’t cry over spilt tears on a tilted table.
Give...

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You puckered up your lips
You went and cut your Beatle fringe
You squeezed in your bikini
And you trimmed your ginger minge
Your shadow on the beach eclipsed
The bathers on the sa-a-a-a-nd
Oh Tru-u-u-udy! You're out to bag a man
.
She lazes on the beach
Down by the Purple Dolphin Bar
She...

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Her name was Methane Bertha
And if you met you'd know why
There's always a southern wind blowing
Everyone she meets holds their nose
And then says goodbye.

She eats nothing but sprouts coffee and beans
She has a massive deriaire and isn't very clean
Bertha once had a date
At last it...

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Unquotable quotes: Beggars - ***

Who said beggars cannot be choosers?

Who chooses for them the place, the moment or the people they choose to beg from; the hours of the begging day; the alms they refuse; the advice they brush aside; the language they use –...

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The redneck was drunk as a skunk 
Couple of dozen beers he had drunk 
Staggered round the corner into his street 
He noticed the flames and searing heat 

Was burning fast and the flames got higher 
Just then he realized it was his house on...

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Twenty odd years ago I was driving towards Oxford. As I came round a bend there were three vehicles involved in a horrific crash. I was first on scene so called 999 and reported it.
The van was on fire and we only managed to get...

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Oh gosh, what memories pancakes brings back to me …
As a child I used to make them every week for my dad
He adored them but I never ate them! It’s been many years since I made them 
Lets see if I can remember the recipe...

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