Best Crapped Poems

Black women in America,
let the sterile tabulating machine 
tally your vociferous views
Loud women pridefully possessing 
the highest voting demographics in the amber land
Have your passions changed America’s
cruel grain racial oppression ... 
Are your males still getting brutally beaten and killed?
Did your strong vocal pleas
get heard...

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Slam Slam


What’s with all the rants!!  The Slams!!!
Why is everyone so pissed!!
What was it that I missed??
So – Some ******* cut you off,
Banged a left, ran the stop.
The neighbors dog crapped on your lawn,
Those squawking birds at crack of dawn.
Am I just nature’s freakin’...

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I despair when I’ve stepped in dog poo
Excrement on the sole of my shoe
It would be indiscreet
If I crapped in the street
I wish doggies would use a pooch loo!

I mowed the grass but now feel forlorn
I see cat poo all over my lawn
My neighbour’s pussy
Is...

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Amelia she loves to chat and tells an amusing story
But dear readers BEWARE – this one’s a little gory
She worked long hours at night as a barmaid
It was a job she loved and good wages she got paid

She’d had a busy day and her pits...

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I'm the Man
my teeth are yellow
try not to bellow
My hair is nasty
I'm a little sassy
i think i'm trapped 
oops i just crapped
I love your mom
his name is tom
i love your sis
his name is chris
I like touching my legs
and eating scrambled eggs
i like taking naps
but i...

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Foreword... 
Of two commonly used pronunciations, this poem uses Dippla-doe-cous.
Originally written as a singy songy thingy to the tune of Supercalifragilistcexpealidocious.


Jurassic Lark.


An optical illusion or a little hocus pocus
I swear I saw a dinosaur, a massive Diplodocus
Then came the Tyrannosaur which seemed the most ferocious
Until...

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Bird aloft in the sky
soaring on majestic wings, 
he crapped on my car...

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I was riding a streak with the dice in my fist.   
Lady Luck was with me, seemed  I couldn’t miss!
Then this babe caught my eye,--I crapped out time and again.  
Lady Luck stomped out, when True Love walked in.

I was anchoring...

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fame,
you *****
it was you who taunted us
we walked
on razor sharp blades
of grass
gras
p
ed
at straws
covered in white dust 
inside
on the surface

on the surface
we used the word art
and crapped on it
like so much hay

hey
we did it every day
in every way

without a kiss
we fornicated 
on the carpet
where we rehearsed
our...

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Roll the dice now...
hope for six, not a seven.
Crapped out, snake eyes!...

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Now doc assured Cindy that all would be fine
and finished the abortion at a quarter to nine.
The partial birth process was a total success
and as Cindy recovered, they disposed of the mess.
By one O’clock doc had a wood in his hands
and drove down the fairway...

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T'was the night before Christmas
The gifts were all wrapped
When the smell, well...it hit me
Our new puppy had crapped

I knew I could smell it
It was not just a fart
The puppy had dropped one
I awoke with a start

I could hear a slight rustle
As he went to his...

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Another Tale Of Musical Madness...

It was in the early seventies...
My friend and rhythm guitar man,
Mark Trotiner, worked in a well
known musician store in NYC...
Another one of those so rare
"light up the room types"-
He played great rhythm guitar,
Couldn't play a lick of lead,
Sang proudly with an...

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I slide along the edge of the stream,
Crossing the narrow road leading to it,
Search in the depth of the fussed ocean,
To find the portion reserved for me.

I wander throughout the space,
Tracking the silvery, sparkled stars;
Conspicuously, I've been so exhausted,
My naive heart chose not to surrender!

I...

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Hello, Hello
What are you doing there?
Hello, Hello
I'm looking at you here.
Hello, Hello
My knife is in my hand.
Hello, Hello
How long can you stand?

I crashed through the window
And sliced open your throat
I killed your damn goldfish
And sunk his damn boat
I killed your whole family
And killed your best...

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