Best Cough Up Poems

Marmoset directs traffic better than monkeys or sloths.
He stands in the highway and walks his feet off.
We have hired other species. but they do not hold a candle.
To Marmoset who can do it at every single damned angle.

He is demanding a raise, sixteen more meals...

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Santa’s Seeing Red

Late one evening up at the pole
Santa was watching TV
He shook his head as he started for bed
After seeing how people could be
All night long he tossed and turned
I guess he just couldn’t let go
He saw a sleigh and watched burn
As it sat...

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Villanelle: The only game solution to the human condition

The only game solution to the human condition
“Don’t nobody move a muscle” and hold your breath
Stop having sex with the opposite sex in motion

In a billion years men will pass babies with their motion
And suffragettes will be...

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It started when I was a child
I was a kid with a gift
That no one understood or recognized
Instead of loved I was picked on and ostracized

However I blocked it all out
But little by Little its all coming back
Like layers of an onion
That held me tightly...

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Another long weekend’s upon us and we’re ready, set to go,
To get amongst the bream again, along the river Tambo.
Our adrenaline is rushing and we’re really bloody keen,
To celebrate with fishing while, we’re toasting to the queen…
And when arriving Friday night,
We were told the fishing’s...

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They are like night and day
Always there,
Even when not seen, I know they’ll be here
Treat me like a brother, oh how much they care
How many are they?
Who do stick around when we try and fail?
To help us through the day
Looking beyond the veil
And not shun...

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Though east is east and west is west, 
each corner lawyers will infest,
and one thing they’ll deploy with zest:
notorious, the “but for” test.

You want to be the one who smirks,
once having stomped on stupid jerks?
Quell quarrels with that quaintest of quirks,
the “but for”.  Here...

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Limericks crochetés: Once a Policewoman put on road duty

Once a policewoman put on road duty
Ate heart out thinking of rival beauty
So she pinned a ticket
On rival’s car bonnet:
“Take this: your engine’s old and filthy!”

Said rival to the policewoman:
“Under the hood I may be common
Yet in...

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Tonight I thought I shook off a roach. Swore I felt it approach. Imagined it crawling down
my throat. My Dad came out from the den and asked What’s Wrong? I said, Nothing, I’m fine
when I still felt bits of dead roach nesting in my spine....

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I wake up to a deserted town
"Where are the people?"
I ask myself aloud.
"Gone." answers a voice.
But no one's here...
but me.

Broken glass litters the street, 
a Kristallnacht in the making.
Houses, half gone and half standing,
specked the dirt road.

I lay, pinned to the ground by a monstrous...

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Unreadable ideograms
Beaten thin leaf to tenuous holds
Of failing parchments
Brittle in their folds of tears

Remember, they struggle for survival
In clasps ever present
Reverberate continual back down 
The long lost corridors
Searching for the regurgitation of their meaning
Black and white memories
Of some sickness
Which threw off kilter 
Every next...

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The groans of ancient years still echo in my bones. It is a pain 
That lodges in the weariness of Africa. Curled in her, the strain 
Of old world history. Out of her given darkness triumph shines 
The light of all cities, world clamoring, and...

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Over worked imaginations of a fine tuned mind of several misunderstanding thoughts that were dreams that changes daily like the seasons.  I can't explain it; Its an emotional dreamer with shared thoughts that is expressed through poetic forms.  Sometimes its turned into tears...

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Suppose we ran it by a friendly Martian
(I’d say “by Martial”, but he wouldn’t be gentle).
You crave Armani, Hugo Boss, Versacci and
that Hilfiger who’s naff, naff.  Are you mental?

This myth of exclusivity’s juvenile
(I’d offer “Juvenal”, but you’d refuse).
They’re mass-produced, ubiquitous, stock-piled,
your Sarah Jessica Parkas,...

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When I exchange phones, I have to leave my new phone and my old phone in the Sprint store for about four hours, because this is how long it takes to upload my 1734 phone numbers to my new phone.  The deal is, I...

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