Best Consarned Poems

When glancing out my window this morning I was pleased to see,

Golden leaves wafting to the ground from my mountain aspen tree.

A carpet of gold now graces the lawn on which frisky squirrels play.

Emerald leaves of summer that provided welcome shade are now passe!

Gone is...

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Grandpa was a jolly fellow so talented and so wise.
He could plant a row of corn as straight as the arrow flies!
He was a very handy carpenter never once hitting his thumb, 
And he built barns "'squar' with the world", never out of plumb!

He was...

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I watched the old man mosey to his favorite fishing spot.
Ahead of him his faithful dog capered at a lively trot.
No fancy fishing lures for him, just a simple bamboo pole,
And a can of worms as content he seemed in heart and soul!

Settling in the...

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Time to figure consarned taxes again

     And Christmas bills come due giving me pain

          Let's delete January

               And...

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Hank lounged on the bunkhouse porch tossin' back some beers,

Watchin' the sunset and reminiscin' about his cowboyin' years.

He peered at the sun 'twixt the pointy toes of his shabby boots

Propped on the railin', that he'd wore durin' his cowpokin' pursuits!

He'd bought 'em fer about twelve...

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I reckon I've seen about everything in my nigh four-score years.
Obnoxious teens, obnoxious elders and unpleasant Wall-Mart cashiers,
And those baggy pants with the crotch nearly reaching to the knees,
But folks with a cell phone in their ear compare to none of these!

Some people sport spiked...

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This bewildering computer of mine just gives me fits!
I panic when the consarned thing goes on the fritz!
I peruse the baffling manual but that doesn't help me any.
It might as well have been written in Hindustani!

There is no one more computer illiterate than I,
So I...

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God made so many things by which we're blessed
Though there's one that "bugs" me more than the rest
I think we would all agree
Ain't a lady bug or bee
'Tis that consarned mosquito that's the pest

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

Placed No. 3 in...

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Grandpa was a very jolly fellow, so talented and so wise.
He could plant a row of corn as straight as the arrow flies!
He was a capable carpenter, never once hitting his thumb!
He built barns "'squar' with the world", never out of plumb!

He was very adept...

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I can't recall the last time I've had a good night's rest.
It ain't because I'm stressed or restless or depressed.
Nor is it the fitful snorin' of my spouse sprawlin' by my side.
It's that consarned nocturnal symphony a-goin' on outside!

First, all the neighborhood mutts join in...

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The rocket scientist looked in dismay as the rocket lay in a smolderin' heap!

'Twas fired t'ward Mars but was not to be - 'twas enow' to make a man weep!

As he skulked back to his office to figger out what went wrong,

A thought rattled thro'...

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The hoopla of the Holiday Season has now come and gone.
Cash in the bank to pay for that spree is nigh overdrawn!
Just when I thought I was free of serious financial strain,
A packet arrived from the IRS hintin' that its tax time again!

I'll bet the...

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I wuz relaxin' on th' porch t'other day admirin' th' apples on my trees.
Th' branches began to quake, I thought it wuz jes' a passin' breeze.
Alas, 'twuz them pesky squirrels an' birds eatin' their daily brunch,
Gnawin' an' peckin' on my crop, layin' waste to quite...

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The hoopla of the Holiday Season has now come and gone.
Cash in the bank to pay for that spree is nigh overdrawn!
Just when I thought I was free from financial strain,
A packet arrived from the IRS hinting that it's tax time again!

I'll bet the feller...

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Although I'm in my autumn years I still feel full of ginger.
But I'm slowin' down - my brittle bones so as not to injure!
Alas, I can't do everything that I once would choose.
It now takes a bit more effort to bend down and tie my...

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