Best Clippers Poems
Rock :) paper (: scissors
I got a rock in my hand.
Holding it as tight as I can!
No I won't let this go!
This is 3 wins in a row!
Next time don't pick scissors man!
~
~
My paper covered your rock.
You still keep talking lots of crock.
Your crying for another round.
In this one you lay paper down.
Scissors cut paper you silly jock!
~
~
Rock breaks scissors,
Paper dolls made from clippers.
Get rid of the smelly fishes
I win your doing dishes
Easy to predict your butter fingers.
by;p.d.
Categories:
clippers, funny
Form:
Limerick
Me barber’s still one of them blokes who lives the school of old,
using methods quite old fashioned to what modern trends unfold,
so with scissors, clippers, hot towel, then lathered with a brush,
he’ll shave you with a cutthroat, though never in a rush.
And he offers further benefits, if you’re that way inclined,
for just a couple of extra bob, you get your shoes well shined,
and while waiting for your turn, you can read a magazine,
or tune in on conversation, while his razors shaving clean.
He sells those huge cigars as well. I think the Cuban brand!
And there’s Californian Poppy that the young won’t understand.
Wafting through his barber shop is the smell of after shave…
And today there is one customer, who wants to misbehave.
He’ll be in the chair before me; I have to put up with his rot,
his voice is loud and won’t shut up, intimidating all us lot,
so when his time had come, we hoped he’d give us all a spell,
then he demands a shave and haircut and to shine his shoes as well.
I watched the barber lathering, before he beckoned with a call…
then this beautiful young woman came and stood in front of all.
The barber mentioned “Here’s a customer, wanting you to shine his shoes”
and when she bent down to do the job she gave some awesome views.
The loudmouth couldn’t help himself; he had to open up his gob.
He mentioned to the pretty lass, that when she finishes her job,
they ought to sneak away together, and book themselves a motel room,
but from the lass who shone his shoes, a shock’s about to loom!
She smiled into his soaped up face, and gave his shoe a pat,
“I’m sorry sir, I’m married and my husband wouldn’t like that.”
“Your husband!” Scoffed the loudmouth, “Use your commonsense!
Tell him you’re working overtime and I’ll pay you the difference.”
The lass raised her brow and gave a grin, then his shoe a final wipe.
She stood up and took a deep breath before replying to his hype,
“Your offers pretty good” she said, “I’ll go and get my hat and coat,
but you can tell him if you like… he’s got the razor at your throat.”
©2005 Lindsay Laurie
Categories:
clippers, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
Susie’s flowing blonde tresses
were her pride and joy
they shone like a halo above her head
and framed her delicate features
From the moment they met
her boyfriend called her Goldilocks
Five years after they married
cancer cruelly crept into their lives
Skilled surgeons removed her lump
but chemotherapy took its toll
and clumps of hair clung to her brush
They both sobbed bitterly
as her husband turned on the hair clippers
which buzzed across her scalp…
in the ultimate act of love
Goldilocks Zone Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Anthony Biaanco
04/11/21
Categories:
clippers, cancer, love,
Form:
Free verse
Shrunken sweaters, dusty ball caps
Tarnished silver, and hedge clippers
Pointed hat pins, gaudy jewelry
Faded jeans and worn out slippers
Greasy fry pan, wobbly table
Crates of dog-eared musty books
Tattered doilies, ragged Barbies
One brown old crock pot that still cooks
Rusty shovel, dented buckets
Ma's old apron, broken dishes
Dated calendar, crooked lampshade
Chipped glass bowl for all your fishes
Ugly painting, candle holders
One old bike for exercising
Broken TV, toaster oven
Doesn't work....it's not surprising!
What's the point?" our husbands mutter
While we fill the garage with clutter
I explain to him..."She buys mine, and I buy hers"
"What's the point of shopping stores??!"
"Now...don't you know the grass is greener?"
"OH GOOD!" "She's bought my vacuum cleaner!"
Just then I point across the street!!
Another yard sale.....and we both shriek!!
He points at me and shakes his fist
But I'll just ignore and toss a kiss
And side by side I'm in a race...
Who gets there first will buy that vase!!
Whoopee!!! I spy a broken chair...well, I can glue it!
Just hope she doesn't beat me to it!
Another point about my purchase
Perhaps I can use it for another purpose
Oh No!!...he's found old tool collections!!
And points at them with great affection!!
The point I'm making is simply this
Another's person's trash or junk, may soon become your bliss!
Categories:
clippers, funny, happiness, husband, peopleold,
Form:
Rhyme
At the ball...
At this point in the tale, a happy ending should be pending,
But readers now are more demanding,
And so, I'll tweak a bit the plot.
Cinderella made an entrance like aurora borealis
That sent a shockwave through the palace,
"Who is this chick? Man, she is hot!"
When the prince caught her attention, his anxieties enflamed him,
But when she smiled, he overcame them,
And asked her if she'd care to dance.
The king and queen were sore relieved
Because they'd had some apprehension,
To girls he'd never paid attention,
They thought him something of a "nance".
But by the time the waltz was over he was thoroughly enraptured,
This girl his royal heart had captured,
And her to wed he was inclined.
Mom and Dad looked on with pride,
And it was then and there decided
To get the two of them united
Before the prince could change his mind.
But he was well and truly hooked, and as to true love she surrendered,
Cindy suddenly remembered
She must be out of there by twelve.
If she hung around too long
Until the tower bell stopped tolling,
The whole darn thing would start unrolling,
The midnight knell would end the spell.
So Cinderella fled the ball, but just before the spell was broken,
She dropped a slipper as a token,
And hoped the prince would come around.
But when the clean-up crew was through,
Along with hairpins and nail clippers,
At least a dozen single slippers
Had been turned in to Lost and Found.
When the prince saw all those shoes, he didn't ponder which or whether,
Just one was crystal, the rest leather,
And he knew what he had to do.
He had his mother pack a lunch,
And Benzedrine he grabbed a fistful,
Then off he shot just like a pistol
In hot pursuit of that glass clue.
To be continued...
Categories:
clippers, humor,
Form:
Light Verse
Adamant Face
My mother used to say with an adamant face, "There is a place for everything and for everything a place!”
My goodness, this house is a total disgrace"
So every Tuesday at quarter past 4:OO
each person in our family had the same chore,
to straighten the house and pick up the floor.
We all sighed, then one replied,
“Where do we put things?”
“Where do they go?”
"Where did they come from?"
"We don’t know!”
"Just put things back in their original home.
"Whatever you do, don’t let them roam"
If you don’t know what it's called,
where to put it,
or what it does,
or you can’t throw it out or know it’s name because,
it doesn’t have a match or
there is a piece detached ;
then don’t give up, just keep your chin up.
Leave nothing astray, but please be done by the end of the day"
"There is a place for everything and for everything a place" she reminded us with her adamant face.
Our cleaning began, and what did we find ?
Interesting things of every kind.
Two birthday candles from my cake years ago, rusted nail clippers that trimmed my big toe.
A broken pencil with a very dull end, and a thank you card I forgot to send.
A soy sauce packet stuck to a fork, from a take out order of moo shoo pork.
A spool of thread, the color red, when I sewed my clumsy thumb instead!
Grandpa’s glasses missing one lens
My sister’s retainer
And 2 leaky pens
A postal stamp
A bread bag clip
The top to my mother’s pink lipstick.
A germy cold lozenge when I had the flu.
A dirty lace from a tennis shoe.
Three receipts from CVS.
A zipper from an old prom dress.
Soon we finished, and one replied,
“Our cleaning is done, we picked up the floor,
No longer a disgrace anymore!"
"We put things back in their original home,
where they belonged and could not roam”
“Mother, that place was the kitchen drawer!"
Our job is done, say no more!
Categories:
clippers, childhood, family, fun, my
Form:
Rhyme
Silent grass clippers
Why must lawn movers make such a noise?
Why do people with a garden seek to make an outdoor carpet?
Why people seek to make lawns look like an arrested childhood?
We can understand football stadiums, the ball runs faster
and the players do not stub their delicate feet on mature grass.
One day grass will give up growing turn into sand pits a place
For children to build sandcastles.
as big signs telling us not to walk on the grass?
This is not nature but humans trying to tame the natural world.
Categories:
clippers, child, color, games,
Form:
Blank verse
Feathered grand masters of the air,
Winged lords of the sky,
Chieftain's of the heights divides,
Behold the great American Eagle.
Flying rafters grappling at the moon kingdom
Of illusions, shadow stalkers by the night's
Tidal eclipse, do these lunar hunters await
For the weak and meek, to emerge from
Purging's black holes beneath the earth.
Deadly free falling demons, aiming with
Stealth's pin point accuracy, flesh to the bone,
Raw elegance in motion, soaring these the Gods
Of winged flight.
Kings standing on the roof tops of the alpine
Mountains, royalties monarchs living by instinctual
Survival, notabilities symbol of strength and power,
Divine lords of the sky.
White powder clouds pierced by the sharpened
Edges of the cutters wing, as eyes glare into the
Pitch black of night, with perfections vision
At mid-nights darkest hour.
Honors peaks holds thy nests of liberty,
As prides guardians glide in the infinite tides
Of liberation, above a nation proud and strong.
Although the shifting currents of strife may
Thrust at them, storms hellish winds of war
Strike at them, they remain united against the
Common cause, rising in a spiritual union,
These the soaring lords of the sky.
Hush in silence for just one moments lingering
Breath, watch beauty's clippers cut the sky
In half, freedom fighters living amongst
The brilliance of heaven, in a world of natural
Peace, that only mankind can dream of, are they
Not completely magnificent.
Feathered grand masters of the air,
Winged lords of the sky
Chieftain's of the heights divides,
Behold the great American Eagle.
BY: CHERYL ANNA DUNN
Categories:
clippers, adventure, america, beauty, bird,
Form:
Free verse
No time for coffee, as the dawn arrives....
I raised the shade. The crowd's outside!
The mob takes over...I'm still in slippers
But someone bought our old hedge clippers!!
Those folks just paid me a ton of money!!
I could use some help..........Hey! Where's my honey??
I swear...if he went back to take a nap
I'll sell his priceless baseball cap!!
Oh! They are looking at that wobbly table....
"I'll help you load it, Miss, if I'm able!"
She grabs dog-eared, dusty, vintage books
And one old crock-pot that still cooks!
I show her some doilies, and a ragged Barbie
And a costume for her Halloween parties?
A rusty shovel, and a dented bucket
And a fishing pole from old Nantucket
I'm selling Ma's old apron, and some broken dishes
A chipped glass bowl for all her fishes
Aunt Edna's ugly painting, and her candle holders
She lives down the street....hope no one told her!!!
One old bike for exercising
Doesn't work....it's not surprising!
"What's the point?" our husbands mutter
While we fill the garage with all this clutter
I explain to him..."She buys mine, and I buy hers"
"Then, we won't need to shop the stores!!"
"Dear...don't you know the grass is greener?"
"OH LOOK!" "That couple bought my vacuum cleaner!"
Just then I point across the street!!
Another yard sale.....and we both shriek!!
He points at me and shakes his fist
But I'll just ignore and toss a kiss
And side by side I'm in a race...
Who gets there first will buy that vase!!
Whoopee!!! I spy a broken chair...
That other shopper gives a glare!
So what it's broken? Well, I can glue it!
Just hope she doesn't beat me to it!
The point I'm making is simply this
This neighbor's junk became my bliss!
_______________________________________
For Skat's Yard Sale Contest:
Categories:
clippers, funny, halloween, me, old,
Form:
Couplet
There was a yeti called Kippers,
Who tried to use toe nail clippers,
But his toes were too long,
And it went badly wrong,
So now he wears floral slippers.
Categories:
clippers, fantasy,
Form:
Limerick
She is like a sweet, smelling rose
blooming in the month of May.
Blooming with large, red peddles
sprawling and conquoring with beauty.
She is like a Spring Rose.
Her heart, like the rose is beautiful.
She stands there, blooming mad.
Her hair flowing, like the rose's peddles growing.
Standing tall and posterious, like the green, stern stem of the rose.
She is glorious and beautiful, just like the rose,
the sweet smiling rose, in the month of May.
Glorious and brave.
as the rain washes her peddles away,
and the gardener coming with his rusty clippers
to cut her away. I hold back and slowly burst to tears.
For I do not want to see my love go away.
But, like the rose she will grow and bloom once again.
And she will come back bigger, brighter and taller.
She is like the rose.
She is beautiful, like the May weather roses.
She is the red, ruby hearted rose,
that sparkles with the afternoon raindrops,
slowly dripping of the peddles.
She is like the rose, for every time I touch the rose,
I get stabbed by her pointy torns.
She is just like the May Rose.
Perfect for admiring, but not for touching.
She is like a rose.
Categories:
clippers, beautiful, care, desire, feelings,
Form:
Romanticism
Ever since lockdown and the barbers were all closed,
There was only one solution that my wife duly proposed
‘Let’s go buy some clippers so that I can cut your hair’
She said, with a smile, and a persuasive stare.
Ever since that day we have this ritual, of sorts
I fire up the clippers, awaiting my hair to be cut short,
And with precision and attention, she duly proceeds
To cut my hair, which more often than not, she succeeds.
On the dreaded day, I encountered a distraction
As I fired up the clippers and handed over the contraption.
I heard the first shear before she worryingly shouted
‘You hair seems long’ she said, as if somehow she doubted!
The amount of hair extracted, upon examination
Seemed way to much, without an explanation
But upon close inspection, something wasn’t right
It was the absence of the clipper, that my hair had to fight!
I now had two tramlines, positively bald
Which my wife found amusing, as her close friends she called
And I was left with the only option, available to me,
To always wear a hat, so that the public couldn’t see!!
Funny Memories Poetry Contest
Sponsor - Natasha L Scragg
Date - 25th January 2022
Categories:
clippers, funny,
Form:
Rhyme
I had climbed the steep stairs two landings to the top floor
Paid the two dollars for my bed in the dorm as I had several nights before
Now you were not allowed to sleep here if you were rowdy or real drunk
You had to have the "once over" and then take a shower before you got a bunk
Lock up your gear and clothes and shoes and get a cotten gown and pair of flippers
And if you needed a haircut they had a man with a pair of clippers
The requirements were that you get there no later than six at night
They sold sandwiches and chips and hot dogs and burgers and the price was alright
Another room that had a small television and a few chairs and an old grey rug
And also was a bookie who took your bets if you had faith in the mouse called Pug
Every evening the small crowd would gather for this special event
You had to bet at least a dollar and was worth every red cent
For little Pug had been doing this every night for a couple of months and had no fear
Except when he would pick a winning piece of food and would be a little tiny cheer
The men bet to see what piece of food little Pug would pick and take under the wall
Where he and his family lived and he was the provider of food and gave us a ball
Been many years ago that I took Pug to dinner
For he picked my piece of a cheeto one night and made me a winner
Categories:
clippers, funny, people, night, food,
Form:
Light Verse
Pocket knives, tape measures.
An extensive collection of coins.
Nails, screws, numerous sizes, and sets
of nail clippers, files, polishes and brushes.
Shoes, always shoes. And dresses.
Shirts and ties. Loud and quiet.
The sick and the dead are forever quiet,
never quite quiet. Our solicitude's unnecessary.
Playing cards, backgammon games,
chess. Every move's a variation on the next.
And so it is with words, numbers,
shapes and sizes. Feet and hands,
knees and eyes. Why and where and how won't matter
once we've divided the bags of clothes
among the poor and destitute. It's not too hard
to laugh too hard. The son and daughter deliver them
and then go home. Letters, wallets, clocks and watches.
Photographs in which the name and face don't match.
Categories:
clippers, clothes, daughter, games, house,
Form:
Verse
"Granny cut my hair", grandson said
"I'll just take you to town".
"No, don't spend that money", he said
"Ouch, that pulls" said with frown
Those ladies and men at those salons
Make it look so easy
Just run those clippers up those heads
In just one sweep breezy
Well to tell truth, heads are odd shaped
Those clippers don't just flow
There are bumps along crooked way
Had to plough trifallow
Categories:
clippers, family, funny, Grandson,
Form:
Rhyme