As Sharp As a Razor

Me barber’s still one of them blokes who lives the school of old, using methods quite old fashioned to what modern trends unfold, so with scissors, clippers, hot towel, then lathered with a brush, he’ll shave you with a cutthroat, though never in a rush. And he offers further benefits, if you’re that way inclined, for just a couple of extra bob, you get your shoes well shined, and while waiting for your turn, you can read a magazine, or tune in on conversation, while his razors shaving clean. He sells those huge cigars as well. I think the Cuban brand! And there’s Californian Poppy that the young won’t understand. Wafting through his barber shop is the smell of after shave… And today there is one customer, who wants to misbehave. He’ll be in the chair before me; I have to put up with his rot, his voice is loud and won’t shut up, intimidating all us lot, so when his time had come, we hoped he’d give us all a spell, then he demands a shave and haircut and to shine his shoes as well. I watched the barber lathering, before he beckoned with a call… then this beautiful young woman came and stood in front of all. The barber mentioned “Here’s a customer, wanting you to shine his shoes” and when she bent down to do the job she gave some awesome views. The loudmouth couldn’t help himself; he had to open up his gob. He mentioned to the pretty lass, that when she finishes her job, they ought to sneak away together, and book themselves a motel room, but from the lass who shone his shoes, a shock’s about to loom! She smiled into his soaped up face, and gave his shoe a pat, “I’m sorry sir, I’m married and my husband wouldn’t like that.” “Your husband!” Scoffed the loudmouth, “Use your commonsense! Tell him you’re working overtime and I’ll pay you the difference.” The lass raised her brow and gave a grin, then his shoe a final wipe. She stood up and took a deep breath before replying to his hype, “Your offers pretty good” she said, “I’ll go and get my hat and coat, but you can tell him if you like… he’s got the razor at your throat.” ©2005 Lindsay Laurie