Best Chortled Poems
He pulled up to the Triple "T" Ranch in a shiny Cadillac.
In his trailer was an Arabian steed with the finest tack.
He wore Tony Lama alligator boots and Calvin Klein jeans,
And a stylish Stetson hat - he looked like a man of means!
He strode to the corral where grizzled cowpokes lazed.
They chortled at the greenhorn, each of them amazed!
"Where's the boss?" he asked, "I'm seeking a position!"
"Over yonder" said they. (The boss eyed him with great suspicion!)
The boss sauntered over to see what the hullabaloo was all about.
"I'll handle this! You fellers git back to work!" he said with a shout!
He sized up the lad saying, "Son, I ain't impressed with them fancy labels!
But you're hired! Here's a shovel! Ya kin start by muckin' out them stables!"
Entry for Carolyn Devonshire's "Green Humor Rhymes" Contest
The warlock said to the witch,
Man, ain't it grand living large like Oz,
being bigly Emerald City rich
The witch crowed back,
I get paid good for giving speeches
that have no policy incantation glitch
The warlock laughed hard and long,
then chortled with maniacal glee:
I like the way you got a huge fee
for selling that "Deal Me In" dirge song
The witch returned the faint praise
with a piercing scowl and a sinister smile
You got those lemmings running thru a maze,
chasing your tale that it's all rigged anyhow
The warlock started getting miffed,
and his hair began to burn with an orange glow
He mockingly said, Endora, all the polls show
that you're a walking political gift
The witch angrily retorted: What spell did you use
to make yourself become 50 feet tall
Oh yeah, that's right. Should Humpty Dumpty lose,
it won't be much of a fall off that stupid wall
The warlock let out a sigh, and said:
You know we have to spit venom
at each other on the campaign stump
That's just how it is, and has to be
The witch let out a sigh too, and said:
Since our youthful days of wearing denim,
it's something we can't tell the voting chumps
That we're really friends, you and me
Then they both hugged each other,
and said goodbye to one another privately
The witch winked at the warlock, and cackled this:
No matter who wins,
I'm offering well wishes to you
So don't forget to send me a mean tweet
The warlock nodded back at the witch, and bellowed this:
Once the results are in,
I'll reply with well wishes too
But of course, don't you forget to delete
Tears of the Dragon
I splashed water on my face;
the mirror cracked in half -
a reflection of fear and doubt.
It was dark in that cold place
of shattered scales.The sea -
rushing over that rusty sink;
and I can’t think about it.
My wings are clipped;
my breath’s dry sulfur.
I said my prayers;
the mirror just chortled.
Chilblains chatter, sore;
the floor, a horror show.
It was doubtful I’m standing -
what for.
Eruption of the mirror
dares me to peek,
but I’m six feet under
my sheets.
It’s Winter here; I drag my tail.
My sharp-teeth-grief’s unyielding.
Of fierce and fiery tears - there is no end;
unholy flames of years misspent.
The aliens landed in the wrong back yard.
Next to the apple tree of a hippie, and a bard.
I was a willing subject, which made them mad.
I like being naked, it makes me glad.
They probed my shoulder, they probed my knee.
They touched my butt, and I laughed with glee.
They turned me over and they looked at my neck.
I giggled and chortled, and thought ‘what the heck?’
They got really angry because I never lost my cool.
Then I had to get up and get ready for school.
They wanted to go along, they said they would hide.
I took them to school, but they could not get inside.
They did not have a key card, so they stayed out in the rain.
They got irritated that I was savvy and used my good brain.
The cops came to get them and put them in jail.
Their friends never found them, so they never got mail.
I went to visit them a couple of times, and chuckled and smiled.
They were truly funny guys, one red-faced, the other truly mild.
I busted them out and frankly, they gave me no lip.
They agreed to take me with them on their terrific space ship.
Colored yellow beneath the sunlight
Eidoloned by azure breeze of the sky
Covered green like trees of delight
Scented by wind and bubbles of lye
Corded in lamp that cools the night
Your heart throbs in counts of chite
Chortled in incense of kookabura
Quilted and freed from petals of Datura
Heart dipped in cherry blossom
Shaped in cleavage of ample bosom
Deathless soul pulsating forever
Your heart lodging idyllic and so tender
I heard her cackling, wicked with delight
Looked up to find her evil silhouette
Against the amber moon Halloween night
Seeing me below, she made a dire threat
“At midnight your teeth will fall from your head
Your thick, lustrous hair will drop to the floor
Your sight will be blocked by a veil of lead
And you won’t see your children anymore”
From my porch I ran in and slammed the door
Stowed candy away, no more trick or treat
Disappointing the kids I did abhor
But I had to lie down, get off my feet
Shivering in bed, I dreaded her curse
Felt her hazel eyes still staring at me
Waiting for the onset of things adverse
Her menacing presence chortled with glee
Clock struck twelve; I had to call it a night
So warily I removed my brown wig
I took out the dentures that felt so tight
Took off strong glasses, hoping she’d renege
*Written August 10, 2014
Romania (laughter kills))
They hooted
When the dictator spoke
They chortled
Odium
Giggles of utter contempt
Then they shot him.
The reunion that caused all of the zany brouhaha
From a family kerfuffle with one humorless raw flaw
It all went down quite swiftly, in a quick split lickety
And ended outside in the hedges most thorn thickety
A tray of food put cattywampus on the table by papa
Slipped and fell in by our taradiddle called mama
She was always a snip uppity and pinch or two persnickety
Especially toward mad uncle Ed who's getting old and rickety
As she landed on her derriere he let out a great guffaw
We chuckled and chortled but soon saw our big faux paw
She hurled everything at us from cups to fence white pickety
We dodged and ran fast as we can it was quite a sticky wickety
Flabbergasted brother Bob signaled to hurry with a caw caw
Grampa ran by gramma and pinched her rump with Ooh la la
She caught us all with a sprightly jump, hop and a skippety
And threw us in that hedge like a wild flibbertigibbety
This tale may be strewn with yickety yak and blah blah blah
But that's how ma and pa caused all that wacky brouhaha
January 28, 2023
Writing challenge B word poetry contest
Sponsor Constance La France
Theme : Brouhaha
Wiz Away
I entered the empty funeral hall.
Am I not at the correct memorial gathering in visitation room H?
“Excuse me, sir, but is this the memorial for Mr. Wizby?
There is not a posting besides the entrance.”
“Never fear, you will soon behold…”
What? I think, seeing nothing around me—not a flower vase or a picture.
“Never fear”, the director says once more.
Odd, I think.
A knock and a rumble of voices echo outside this room.
What’s up? when guests—who are they? prance along the waxed floor, strange masks floating about a sea of wild frocks.
“Who may you all be?”I ask, bewildered—is that a ferret wrapped like a scarf?about the pig-tailed girl with dirty feet?
A falcon perches on the threadbare arm of a midget.
“Who may you all be?”I ask, yet again.
A tall, bespeckled man cartwheels to my side.
”We are the Pennywhistle Circus, who knew of old Wizby well.
Pray, who may you be?”
“I am Ian, his grandson.”
Cartwheel-Man bird-whistles to a bearded portly man standing next to the door. He holds a foggy beaker in his gloved hand and a stethoscope dangles from his neck amid a snowy beard.
“Ah, Binky! So glad you have come!”
“Reggie, I see you have grown taller since last I saw you.”
“Ah, Binky! The marvelous elixir you gifted me was a welcome surprise.
Alas, my pet lizard partook of the vial, growing beyond measure, and thus, died.”
“Everyone, gather near, as Mr. Wizby is finally here.”
Wrapped in peacock feathers, Wiz was quite a sight.
Porcupine quills crowned his pink bald head.
The midget sidled near to pluck a feather, unraveling
old Wiz.
“Oh, dear!” chortled Cartwheel-Man.
Ferret-Scarf poked his wiggling body amid the dancing feathers bathing the room. Midget-Man’s falcon perched atop old Wiz.
What folly is this?” a voice graveled out from once-dead old Wiz
“You take my death lightly, so “poof, be gone, as I am the Magic-Man.”
Wiz leapt into a pile of frocks and masques, shouting
“I have returned, never fear, Wizby lives on for yet
another year.”
What’s that on your boob I asked.
You’re a boob, she hissed at me.
The faerie on her sweater sneaded.
Please look in the mirror I pleaded.
Seriously, I am not kidding.
She would not now do my bidding.
I pointed at her right breast.
Just look at what has come to rest.
Faerie chortled rather loudly
As I was carried away fast, not proudly.
Just take a look I yelled to my sis as a plea.
As the Sexual Harassment Police arrested me.
He said that it was brillig, but what did that word mean
And slithy is a word that I had never seen
If you gyre and gimble, what do you really do
I guess when in the wabe, you seek the meaning too.
Lewis was a master of words that were not real
He made you fear the Jubjub, and he made you feel
Like your very being, is a door without a latch
It takes bravery to shun the frumious bandersnatch.
We attack the world of words with a vorpal sword in hand
Verses, like the Tumtum tree, sprouting in the sand
And structure with rhyming can be a manxome foe
Whiffling and burbling, the flaming words will go.
Choosing careful phrases can bring a frabjous day
And poems not dead, like borogoves, find their mimsy way
While galumphing through the tulgey lines with uffish chortled joy
It makes me through and through a whiffling beamish boy
So Lewis paints a picture with unreal words so clear
The Jabberwock seems so real and something we should fear
Poetry is the art of words, with phrasing, tales and fun
Proceed carefully, and beware the Jabberwock my son.
While attending today’s matinee
Of a fairly new one-woman play,
My so-called “better half”
Heard a boisterous laugh
From the audience, making his day.
Though the play was deserving of mirth
This was like the best laughter on earth.
When the show did conclude
He looked ‘round for just who’d
Chortled loudly for all she was worth.
With the lights on, he focused his eyes
To find she of those jubilant cries.
He was thrilled when he found
That the best laugh around
Came from someone he knew – a surprise!
Paper Hearts
Paper hearts
Alas desire waltzed.
And thoughts chortled.
Every yearning was
Youthful temptation
And hot love.
Words not found
Shaped a fated soul.
The feast: fleeting feelings,
Put reason away.
Love, laughs
Evening stars
Suburban streets
A tenor voice
Technicolor dreams
Scattered wings
And a parking lot
Tell the tale.
Words soon found
Shaped our loving souls.
The feast: fun filled follies
And full lives.
Pure hearts
Alas, had danced
And thoughts giggled.
Every yearning was
Committed care.
And sizzling…
Affection.
By Dane Smith-Johnsen
2-20-08
Chip and Dale were favorite cartoons of my sister and me.
With so much ***** and happiness, joyful they could be.
They ran around in chipmunk form and chittered away.
Making our cartoon fest much better every single Saturday.
Chip and Dale played tricks on other cartoon friends.
Their antics were silly and funny; without any mean split ends.
We laughed, tittered and chortled over these two in a funny way.
They were the highlight of our cartoon day, it was each Saturday
Heading down a not-very-busy country highway on a summer day
I saw an upside down turtle in the road and I said “Hey!
Screeched on my brakes, to help the little fellow out of the way.
But he got bigger and bigger the closer I got that day.
I was a bit intimidated by his hugeness, but my children could see.
So I gave them a wave, and tried to turn that turtle on his legs, and free.
He twisted his head and tried to take a bite out of my fingers three.
I dropped him promptly, and did not feel a bit guilty.
I thought you were going to save him! My ten-year-old child said.
Did you kill him? The eight year old queried, “Is the Turtle dead?”
The three-year-old was suddenly interested. His name was Ned.
Let’s go see it! He chortled and cackled, ready to see something dead.
He was bigger than I thought, I told them but I will try again.
I flipped him over with a big stick; it was truly not thin.
That turtle was determined to die; he walked in front of my car.
“Don’t hit him!” Kids screamed, so I went around him, that turtle czar.