Best Buttock Poems
Oh buzz off you crazy crazy hornet
Trying to land here upon my buttock,
Here I am eating my crispy cornet
Lazing naked in my garden hammock.
Tried to coax it with my berry ice cream
But alas it seems unprepared or blind,
Dancing upon an invisible beam
Homing in on me with a one track mind.
Could it be I’ve enhanced the essence air
With a gross wind to further relieve me,
Or is this a mock symphony of flair
Of a Britain’s got talent “Bumble Bee?”
His “The classical flight” winning first prize
In pain my swelling one hell of a size!
© Harry J Horsman 2015
Categories:
buttock, funny, pain,
Form:
Sonnet
perhaps i'll climb into your room,
to pin your arms behind you soon,
pull those shorts a little down,
and bend your oer the bed or couch,
then would we be in tune?
foreplay sometimes grabs the buttock,
dominates, she wants to give it up,
if what you want, it's all good luck,
and then like spoons to cuddle up,
all done for a sweet season,
male don't need a reason:
Don Johnson 8-jul-11
Categories:
buttock, adventure
Form:
Rhyme
My memory is obsolete in fashion:
the short blue skirt I saw you in that day
is out of date eons ago. My passion
has cicatrized from when you went away,
but thrifty memory still stores your grey
T-shirt with spots of oil paint, your beret
of modern artist that you used to wear
coquettishly aslant, the bag across
your chest, the thuya needle in your hair,
the band-aid on your knee, the minty gloss
on your sweet cherry lips, the silky moss
under your pliant back, the sassy moth
around my stupid head, the distant laughter,
the flash of bliss, the willow’s leaf embossed
on your left buttock and the most sought after
remembrance of the panties that you lost
in ferns in haste… One day I will exhaust
my recollections but at any cost
I save this one, unclouded and precise,
as my permission to the paradise.
22.04.2019
Urban Sonnet Poetry Contest
Emile Pinet
Categories:
buttock, love, memory, paradise,
Form:
Sonnet
Dachshund is a banana skin:
Short like a cigarette butt,
Big eyes like two snooker balls,
Wide ears like the vessel's flags,
Legs interlocked like a letter X,
Long trunk like a train on the track,
All buttock like a kangaroo.
If I should meet it on my way out,
I will retract home and recite a psalm.
Categories:
buttock, animal,
Form:
Free verse
gluteus maximus left and right half moon cheek
re: byte size buttock
attached via usb (uniform firm behind) to this freak
with bowel movement incontinence + gas filled gut
evoking contortionist frown stretching to lowest peak
perched upon porcelain goddess where elimination did jut
held captive hostage atop toilet seat for many a week
exertion to expel rock solid turd required utmost effort
to force jammed bowel movement free
inducing excruciating abdominal cramps that really hurt
plus sharp jabbing spasms within high knee
innards rent asunder from obstruction as BB size PELLETS did spurt
from lodged fecal matter refusing to budge from me
caused by severe constipation whereby prayer a waste
delivered only increased sphincter muscle to scream
for rectal relief this mortal man faced
a worse fate than death, he would deem
since demise would allow alimentary misery to cease
versus remaining in this impasse for what might be years
unless perchance some **** lubricant or special grease
would bust loose abominable constriction in arrears
finding me unable to pay rent or renew lease
best prospect of remaining stationary with words to wax
poetic found a glimmer of luck
when a kind wildebeest delivered this message via fax
to help attend male in dire per situation get poop unstuck
with outsize mug of exlax
to help unclog rectal muck
access to get expunged to the max
but once expulsion occurs DO DO PLEASE DUCK!
Categories:
buttock, firework, happy, humorous, poetry,
Form:
Concrete
When fire dies, it remains ash, cover it up
When the day dies, new day shows up
When husband rest, leaves a sowed love
Widow cries, dwells with grieve
And loneliness
"He has slept, he forever sleeps"
A countless times, she vends
And at the buttock, she feels the world
And the need to go with him raises up
Unreturned journey lacks partnership
The sowed love dies not
Abides within loves heart.
Inspired by a book,
Categories:
buttock, death, grave,
Form:
Elegy
(Any resemblance between said title,
as told tummy by ya finch,
and commander in chief,...
not accidental, nor a cinch
buttock hum posed on behalf
of these bottom ming out
fifty states, plus Puerto Rico inch
ching, donning, and clamoring
desperately for fluffin snuff pinch)
hitter to aright "FAKE"
government even a cameo by David Lynch,
would pilot ship of state with nary a flinch
bucking creative enterprise winch
cha ya know
as writ by this average Joe
brainstorms offbeat ideas
caw king like a black crow
boot probably relegated
to same fate as dodo
bird long extinct,
asper could also be woe
full destiny of this poe
whit (wannabe), plus aspirant
aiming, mulling, vying,
et cetera tubby
next presidential bozo
and thwart further ruses to hoodwink
by subterfuge, treachery, unethical...brink
man ship, Capital One citizen bankers
to re: captcha how to MAGA,
and avoid pitching country
slipping into behavioral sink,
which White House bumstead "FAKE"
golden blond dee antics even entice pink
panther to coon sitter entering 2020 elections
amidst what promises tubby hang nail biting,
knuckle cracking, hair pulling - each kink
Putin on brakes against
collusion, sans frightful - link
king voter bribery, disenfranchisement, fraud...
calling joint efforts of Captain Nemo,
Captain Kangaroo, Captain America...ink
kin, a pact (minus any imp) potent fink
power hungry, money grubbing, apprenticed
tan hatt man spinning wheel of misfortune
beady barren eyes that never blink
immodest, impertinent, impudent,
et cetera hyperlink
to flesh eating, debauchery,
bacchanalian web pages
kickstarting naked lunch high jink.
Categories:
buttock, age, allegory, allusion, america,
Form:
Free verse
Tell me if it is true,
She too has a heart that can hurt
Hurt her for me, Hurt that girl
And I will saunter to soothe her
But don’t harm her, it hurts
I need my first words felt in the heat
My fountain spilling ink in her heart
Hurt her heart
My eyes run into hers, I surrender
My courage deems, yet I solder
Stare back and scare
Yet I mean to be man, this girl
I care, I swear, and there
I lose it, hurt; I want her to listen
Our souls echo; hearts beat and eyes mate
Hurt that girl
Tell her the drunken spit
Hair like half a tooth brush
Skin like a porcupine, come on
Hog, bad bacon
A bother, why bother?
Call her hyena’s canine
Kin of the warthog, imbalanced buttock
Go, hurt her ego and go
Yes, I know, I kowtow
Her silk, sweet hair, I blush in layers
Her skin is keen, no pin,
I dare not listen to her, she pinches
She’s baby, that girl is lucky
Sweet goodness, tell her for me I’m on the way
To tell her for you, Sweet girl
You made her for me!
But I have no way
Hurt that girl, I’m on my way
Hurt my darling.
Contest type: Genius or criminal
Categories:
buttock, lovesweet, me, sweet,
Form:
By Sashi.Prabhu(zeauoxian0
(18th February 2012 nite at Kentucky shack on colva beach)
I was browsing through the menu and laid my eyes upon interesting cocktails and mock tails.
I snapped up the names with the blackberry camera and wove them together to couplets.
Dedicate this one to my friends who love and cherish the cocktails and mock tails.
Cheers……………………………
With love from zeauoxian, black lady, Tom Collins,
Three peaks merlot, white lady, John Collins.
Between the sheets, pink pusy, screaming ******,
Pink lady, lost bikini, ******.
Misty nite, hairy navel, ding a ling,
Sunset, buttock clencher, Singapore sling.
Lady killer, fuzzy navel, coconut diaquiry,
Bloody Mary, fenny wenny woo woo, orange diaquiry.
Pure calypso, climax, kick in the balls,
Caribbean fever, planter’s punch, rocks for the dolls.
Peach pleasure, tequila sunrise, margarita,
Pina coloda, sunset, caipirnha.
Coco colada, slippery dick, the hammer,
Gimlet, sweet nips, tequila slammer.
Passona orange, passona lime, sex on the beach,
Orange blossom, lime blossom. Passionate peach.
Gin fiz, Cuba libre, Roby Roy,
Black lagoon, black Russian, beach buoy.
Fight fiesta, stinger rum cocktail, side car,
Negroni, pink elephant, brandy lime shot from the bar.
Mohjito, long island iced tea, whiskey sour,
Renaissance merlot, vina tarapoca chardonnay.
All these heady concoction,
Many of them and lots of action.
The science of achohol blending, of the art of mixology,
All these to the tipper is fun and to do with a smooth tripology!!!!!!!!
Categories:
buttock, food, funny, song-love,
Form:
Couplet
A bridge has been built between the heart and soul
which has become a compulsory one way route
for all emotional functionality to walk through
from the passers-by of feelings to the incredible mobile hormones.
Subjection to this recent development
has created a legal case and caused an internal demonstration.
The heart stands as an advocate for the soul
as it faces a bunch of physiological lords
and representatives of the principalities of doubt
to create the conviction of the acceptance
of this rare engineering in a being so worshipped and adored.
Such a person of whom connection sits on favour and luck
for both of us to stand out from a flock of lovers;
voracious for each other from head to buttock
with a schizophrenic longing all round the clock;
giving the soul a reason to talk and a smooth platform to walk
puts the body in totality into a passionate knock.
Now as gracious and as vulnerable as the duck
but unlimited and confident like the Hawk.
Solid foundation of peace is planted like rock
which is well maintained from an erotic stock
through romantic apparatus fetched bulk after bulk.
Such crossed-match desires create a heat
putting differences to a constant defeat,
producing sweet soul edibles to eat
from wheat to meat, enjoying the feat
is completed as aspirations settle in one seat.
All these occurring over and over again
towards a future so sweet and neat
for doubt and fear to lose this case woefully
from the words of the yearnings of the heart
then in compliance, the ‘yeah’ of the host of feelings have it.
Categories:
buttock, emotions, feelings, love, romance,
Form:
Romanticism
Look at that monkey over there!
Can someone tell me what he is wearing?
Is that not an oversize Agbada he's wearing?
Yeaaaah! look at his shoes, are they really shoes?
His 'fila' falling here and there,
Is that how a normal human dresses?
The neck of his Agbada is on his shoulder and
He is putting on the cloth on its back,
The embroiding is visible to his skin.
The sokoto sags to his waist like a prisoner in th US;
Can you see his displayed pants?
Oh! No! Not again.
Can you watch the way he dances without his legs?
Is that how a natural human dance?
Does his teeth looks like that of a man or woman?
Maybe he belongs to the Animatician' Kingdom.
Yeaaaaaah! I have seen his buttock!
He is a monkey with a human buttock!
He is a monkey fashioned from the animal kingdom!
But, I have seen him once in the government house,
He was painted as the president of the country.
So many of them have joined the animal farm!
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
All the money he acquired should have make him better or even finer!
Does he have no mirror in his room?
Hmmmmmmmmh!
I can not put on Agbada again if those
That wears it always look like monkeys.
Watch out for his shoes!
There is gum under it!
Make sure he is thoroughly searched before he leaves otherwise, you will lose all your money to his gummed shoes that he put on.
Those monkeys in your party are wiser than you think.
Once they get hold of your fortune, they embezzle it, so becareful here!
(C) John Chizoba Vincent
All Right Reserved 2016
Categories:
buttock, africa, art,
Form:
Light Verse
I have been made mad before
With my clothes on my hands
Shabbily treated by children in the street.
My hair shaggy and rough.
YOu could see me going through the hoote-nanny
Smiling to every one that comes
on my way in a mischievous manner.
Then they sang the lost song of missing instrument and Bongo
And i dance stupidly in an open field crowded with fools.
They watched my buttock going higgledy-piggledy with no questions
I flagged off my clothes and let them see my bare chest
Swirling and twisting its Skin.
I have tolled every night and day upon the ugly mountains
With my back welcoming the dust of the ground in agony.
I have been pushed to the lunatic asylum because they thought
I was mad but your love made me drunk and insane.
Lyrically, my songs boomed and welcomed thousand children
Home to celebrate your bravery yet you seems not to
admit my effort as i sustain lumbago which made me lumbering.
I have embarked an arduous journey on the south west to obtain the
Roses and egg of life made for you in the land of the spirit
Because the priest confirmed you to be Ogbanje.
I have worked in the zoo, worked in the oceans, fought
the masked spirit and won for your sake.
Worked in the farm land where the monkeys mocked me
With their ugly black teeth abusing my personality.
I made the ridges with your names written boldly on it
To remind the birds and wild creature that it is
Untreadable land for a pretty damsel.
I have pronounce your names millions time with the parrots
Taught the toddler how top read your names on books.
I have become a hooligan and hoon all because of your love.
I have worked in the vineyard of the king as his servant,
Many maiden clutched to me and laid down their humble
Lives for my soul rescue but i denied them all of love.
Millions tears have i drooped for your sake,
Rebel against my flesh and blood all because i love you.
I am bound to your body by ardour love,
Love me so that every thing would be hunky dory.
Categories:
buttock, art,
Form:
Narrative
Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock...
(Aye apologize for straying way
outside thee usual canon -
a poetic souffle,
boot desperation
finds me cent less,
Thus i pray
for divine intercession, this may
day call sent out, far
chump change moo nay
(near zero dollars
in checking account)
this near crack 'o dawn
to rescue me - okay?
----------------------------------
aye yie yie,
aye ham awake
at two o'cock
in the morning
ye yie yie,
aye ham awake
at three o'cock
in the morning
ye yie yie,
aye ham awake
at four o'cock
in the morning
keenly aware of major
appliances conversing ad-hoc
no doubt conspiring to sock
this dirt poor dada
directly in ma keister,
where i take flight
amidst a flock
of seagulls honking
at my unintentional
"FAKE" chutzpah to block
their instinctual migratory path
from swift tailored kick
in the buttock
as iterated above
from energy guzzling
electricity trapping shock
king lee vengeful
Peco powered accouterments,
whence this air
born papa chock
full of anxiety, asper
no where to
turn and jock
key for getting,
perhaps stealing myself
as a stowaway aboard
an unattended ship at dock
or as a las resort resort
to a life of crime
with deliberate intent,
where "the fuzz"
take me to lock
up, no way most certainly
not a place
to sing sing about,
and most likely end up
a scape goat kid
ding lee bullied a knock
on me noggin will
find me seeing mock
believe stars, which warrants
emergency medical
treatment by "Spock"
of star trek fame, whose
Vulcan antidotes wok
like a charm and find me
well on the Scottish peck
road less traveled,
which sends me Bach
to the future,
where i encounter
my pluperfect self
(barely recognizable
richly adorned other self),
with many a golden lock
compared to mine limp hair
resembling plastered schlock.
Categories:
buttock, 11th grade, 12th grade,
Form:
ABC
(alternately titled one me silly more till manufactured
from go win addle American
non refundable private parts)
each set of twenty three chromosomes
the basic biological building blocks
of life came out cervix
when second hand of analog clocks
barely and scarcely swept across dial,
wrought offspring appearance
as a pier a docks
closely resembling a monkey
perhaps...hmm...
maybe mother mated with a chimp
assimilating chromosomal flox
genetic combination brought about add hocks
viz bouncing baby boy skinny and fair game
as a pluperfect future target for jocks
when I took first gasp of air sputtered
like an old engine that knocks,
now just easing into ma deuce score
and xix year with hair reed locks
twittering, snorting, rattling nonetheless
became precious human dependent
with mat chew anti body mox
see for father and mother
to care despite expelling nox
shuss gas out derriere, which profuse flatulence
natural immunization
kept away infected kids with pox
nicknamed little buttock blaster
now sits in a comfy chair and rocks
reminiscing about boyhood
and a pooch named Socs
who told time applying faux paws vox
like tum make sounds resembling tick tocks
Nowadays every potential mom and dad
disappointed unless offspring(s) feverish follow fad
decreeing qualified as gifted birth of lass or lad
go wing great lengths to prod and push
progeny until a genius to be had
rather tubby thankful and gratefully glad
regaling robust surprise
packaged traits of yore
inheriting genetics descended
when early apes did de tour
terrestrial virgin earth
anatomically complete store
reed awesomely astounding miracle from spore
sized fertilized ovum (healthy
and sound baby boy or girl) hood roar
if lionized, which feline bellow mew might mean
change my dye ya pore
and pamper me sum more
gnome hatter wailing mama or papa ignore
thence nurturing baby pipes por favor
kinship knits omnipotent bond evermore
where tis instinctual to adore.
Categories:
buttock, 10th grade, 11th grade,
Form:
Personification
It is not a fall,
A python sloughs its old skin and wears new look;
It is never a fall,
A snail finds splinter in its shell and changes its house;
Not a fall,
Wing-locust sheds its wing and becomes a queen;
A fall?
A child loses her cheese cutter for permanent ivory,
No, not a fall.
Great pheonix went to the nest to refeather,
They thought the immortal bird had fallen;
No,the golden bird lives,bristling up its new mane,
At the biggest internode of Araba tree;
The ageless bird crows, at the tallest branch of Iroko tree.
The lioness sleeps in the forest,
The flies of forest think the queen has fallen ,
And begin to mill around the sleeping giant buttock;
With what? With what shall the tamer of forest chase them away?
With tail! With tail the tamer of forest shall chase them away,
With tail.
The lioness sleeps in the forest
And the ants of the forest begin to mill around her ears;
With what? With what shall her majesty chase them away?
With wave! With wave shall her majesty chase them away,
With wave.
The lioness sleeps in forest
And the flies of forest begin to mill around her nose;
With what? With what shall her highness seize them?
With tongue! With tongue shall her highness seize them,
With tongue.
FOR LINDA AND SKAT
1ST DEC,2014
Categories:
buttock, appreciation, encouraging, happiness,
Form:
Verse