Best Braggadocio Poems
There are too many people whose favorite trick,
Is to preach, "Walk softly and carry a big stick."
But, in practice, they arrogantly sing Yankee Doodle
And stomp around loudly, but carry a wet noodle
Nay, despite failing to make the grade,
this bluesy well red, duff mute
average white band hit,
hard knock school alumnus
jack of all trades master of none bumped along
pot hole cratered steep pitch
while riding the bus
bullies skewered kosher me all, cannibalized
carte blanche timid ego
brandishing exacto knife
threatening jugular, cuss
sing maniacally pulling out all stops
going headstrong for this doofuss
Embracing premonition making me mincemeat
vis a vis via, Atilla the Hun plus
Godfrey Gordon Gustavus Gore
after diet of worms
as hors d'oeuvre hug guess
if given a choice, would prefer Loch Ness
monster, or the whale that swallowed Jonah,
either t'would be a quite im press
heave feted feat, versus being poached,
roasted, skewered burnt alive
perhaps sautéed to feed additionally,
the Gothic (Jacks sin) five
the latter adorned with
Bandolier prototype, whence they would jive
to Vandals mess sigh ya,
these last yet another contra band
to play on command, or risk not being
he gee beegee bing a live
all thee above iterated blather spluttered
as punishment against revive
ving human sacrifice by pence hoove lee donning
a new jersey wordlessly trumpeting, and strive
ving assiduously as a one man lobbyist,
and aye willingly negotiate
to take more'n one wive
even though that would be big o' me decor,
thus a last minute reprieve given
without axing por favor
and black keys handed over
to Holy Roman Empire in hoar
rubble ruins (over the Weeknd), thus brutish nasty,
and short tempered surprisingly
(boot not prematurely) ejaculating bon jour
foo fighters actually (grand
aery an nah - did a three sixty)
feting me guest of hun or,
boosting self esteem, the first time
since being a kid in a candy store
which poetic digression
did make quite a dee tour,
and bringing detente amidst marauding
village people hoop reef furred war.
I can stand on a speck of dust
And move the entire universe
Can take on devil's machinations
And brave any God's curse.
If the sun does not behave properly
I will swallow it without a burp
Planets behaving unruly?
Will turn them into pulp.
I can do this
I can do that
I can do anything
Don't invite my wrath
Deadlier than scorpion's sting.
Girls of all hues and colors
Fall for me like nine pins
Whether in saris, or in skirts,
Or be wearing jeans.
I would be for them
Romeo, Samson, Newton,
All combined in one,
Presley, Bruce Lee, oo7
Bond without a gun.
All evil, scared of me,
Be perennially on run.
I can do so much
Have soooooooo much in me.
PROBLEM IS ONLY ONE;
It's such a great pity
That before I move the universe
I have to clear university!
have small *****,
will travel in big truck,
have small *****,
will blare big ass stereo,
have small *****,
will boast & blather
about one’s supposed
exploits in public,
as if have the *****town
in which they reside,
has been wooed overnight
by this man of the hour,
this playa who has to get a
new belt, because it’s all
notched out.
& if a small ***** is not
the case…perhaps he’s
got the biggest schlong in
the whole empire, perhaps
he has to wear extra large
pants so he can roll up that
thing & drop it down in,
perhaps he just likes big
trucks & perhaps he just
likes his music loud---
even then, it doesn’t make
blacking out during what
he wants us to believe is
the big moment, forgetting
the name of the unfortunate
young woman in question &
the runaway from her abode
when he came to (cause’
apparently she wasn’t all
what he thought she had been
with them beer goggles on)
anymore respectable, interesting
or worth pondering or debating
for more than a second,
because nothing reveals pool of
insecurity deeper than the ocean,
than the spouting words of an
attention whore.
Donald Trump Das Fuehrer's Braggadocio
Wrapped up in the Christmas holiday spirit,
I surmise doth allow
nationally collective obliviousness
to steer ship of state
(these United States)
to suffer retaliatory browbeat
ting activates, detonates, generates
je nais sais quois maliciousness
upon North American consciousness
from wickedly vehement uproarious tirades
the "FAKE" president doth crow,
whereby every word uttered
by the misfit mealy mouthed madman
in the Oval Office directly
impacts Lady Liberty, sans dow
wager even when the brash,
defensive, haughty...commander
in chief doth raised by alternately
by one or both colored eyebrow,
which nonverbal hostile
body language triggers
concomitant domino fallout
to devastating effect,
whereby analogous nee
palpable invisible reverberations
trigger thee threat
of global mortal Kombat flow
war moves the dial on
the Doomsday Clock to foreshadow
the stark realization of glow
bull thermonuclear conflict to hoe
var ominously over planet Earth,
which scenario haint Noah Joe
king matter, cuz
more'n juiced *****sapiens know
wingly, would be decimated,
where from Noel fierce
riding hobby horse, could
weather thee irrevocable low
down, once bombs away loosed,
and poised to strike
every fibrous marrow
with an irreversible tendon cee,
yet some hardy
species might narrow
lee escape radioactive fallout,
and blithely usurp meaning overthrow
this most menacing creature,
whose opposable thumb didst pro
pell the nasty, short tempered,
and mean minded
to upset status quo
and shred of a fatalistic,
graphic, and horrific roadshow
no Wizard of Oz (zee us born)
negating, obliterating, and pulverizing
the uninhabitable landscape
with burnt offerings
much more frightful than scarecrow,
which worst case scenario,
could explode today or tomorrow
leaving no trace of unlovely bones
merely mass cremated powder,
hence forsaked salvation
from... say Beto
O'Rourke, whose actively
democratic gumption joisted paradigm
grim fate recklessly
(hypothetically) did veto.
I have written the ultimate love song
it was the braggadocio cad, Sir Edward
He thinks his words are golden laced with silver
Some of us yawn, I may have giggled
He plays his song for us, which is no surprise.
It is amazingly tender, romantic and well-written.
You did not write that! Accuses his sister.
Sibling rivalry is in full swing, so we scatter.