Best Bowel Poems
Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD)
Are you upset by stomach pains
Diarrhea and bad cramps
Are you so dog-gone tired
You can’t even outrun your Gramps
Have you tried all the common cure-alls?
Medication - - - therapy
Massage and acupuncture
But relief just ain’t to be
Then perhaps you are finally ready
For a cure that some find quite weird
To counter your bad IBD
That the FDA still hasn’t cleared
See they think that an imbalance
Of bacteria within your body
Causes inflammation
And your stomach gets all knotty
So to fix that bad imbalance
Here’s what some say to do
Insert some helpful microbes
From someone’s healthy poo
Yes – I said from someone’s poop
A relative or somebody close
Just a pinch within the cheeks
Would be a healthy dose
It’s now trending in America
This desperate D Y I
If you suffer from this IBD
You just might give it a try
They are running tests in Canada
To evaluate and study
To see if fecal implants
Will cure or harm somebody
But there are those who’ve tried it
And swear it did the trick
No longer show the symptoms
No longer feel that sick
Now your doctor won’t approve it
Your friends will think you’re nuts
Passing fecal matter
The wrong way through your butts
But they say that just like blood banks
There will be donor centers too
Where healthy individuals
Can dump off healthy poo
Don’t ask me to assist you
Back where the sun don’t shine
But you can have a handful
Of any poo of mine
I don’t write this to belittle
The pain you’re going through
But I read this on the internet
So I know it must be true
And it just got me thinking
This might help someone like you
Another true news item from your Uncle Mike
Super Bowel Half Time Rap Crap
Whole super bowel half time rap,
Was really a total bunch of crap;
Will not care;
A sad affair;
Resulting in humongous mishap.
Jim Horn
Scatology IS
a theme we can write about -
I write poop poems
(some folk may prefer this alternative ending! )
Jan's poems are poop
a small testing kit
will plop through your letterbox
it’s simple to do
just three smears of pooh
for bowel cancer screening
it could save your life
with intervention
this cancer can be treated ...
don't leave it too late!
if you should notice
a change in bowel habits
then get it checked out
don't be embarrassed
get to the bottom of things ...
dying for a pooh?
11/24/18
New Poetry Movement and Not Bowel
I really had to be muchly griping;
What I hate the worst is filing and typing;
Out of my life wish you could take those two
And my attitude would improve, that is true.
In poetry, maybe might start a new movement
And trend that into many hearts has sent
A new way so many poems thou shalt write;
Poems will come tougher and never, ever fight.
So you should think about this for a while;
Now that you have discovered my new style
You now can come up with a lot more clarity
By bring things together and cutting the disparity.
Have I caused things to be confusing
By brain washing and words mis-using.
Oh, and I checked off horse as a category.
They should add the word sense to it though.
loo paper and turd
remain in the toilet bowl ~
who forgot to flush?
I’ve already the bowel
Three stones from parts of my, tackily
You’re my lovely stone I may
Start with you, take the first chance
Let my bowel be yours
I’ve already the bowel
Different gravels from different parts
Take your second chance
The third will be taken by sand
Let my bowel be yours
I’ve already the bowel
I need you water, to smooth en my flourished life
Sit properly in the fourth seat
Relax with all your presence
Let my bowel be yours
I’ve already the bowel
In last chance, whenever you are you’re appreciated
On the earth, between the sky, transport the love smile
Let my bowel be yours.
Fraught With IBS Irritable Bowel Syndrome...
Rear lee if ever suffices as an apt poetic title
amidst bookish canon - while
this writer (similar to other aspirants
in their respective creative pursuits)
aware arbitrary perusers may deem vile
core body of voluntary selective readers
mentally affix probationary trial
before unequivocally gravitating
toward my genre or signature style,
which unique modality
of expression eventually
accruing some degree of popularity
affecting unseen frown or smile
nonetheless, accepting, enjoying,
and tolerating how I playfully rile
aware that anonymous reader's
patience can wear thin relegating mine
worded persona on par with a reptile
unknowingly breaking fragile bond,
hence she/he might not reconcile
without awareness a valuable kinship,
dismiss me as puerile,
thus forsaking tenuous link, one
that may never bare tangible fruition,
yet all along self scrutiny occurs to refine
thy cerebral thought provoking profile
also intimating months gone by bias
arises toward my
figurative handily prehensile
expansive vocabulary, could
(and/or does) rank as a pile
of unpleasant gluteus maximus
sphincter muscle missile
imposing effort to tone down exuberant,
flamboyant, and gallant mercantile
flashing blindingly exasperatingly,
and inflamingly nauseating vocabulary,
not deliberately juvenile
but this luxe lavish embellishment
a labor of (lost) love with English
Language (inherent since...
in utero), thus...infantile
asper taking shape without conscious
deliberation, though imbecile
appellation possibly affixed
as lasting impression,
perhaps even engendering hostile,
whereat no effort to exhort
unconditional acceptance of me guile
will transpire, cuz this chap
recognizes how tenuously fragile,
the online choice to remain a steadfast
virtual friendship quintessentially fissile
oft times casting the notion how facile
mine arrangement springs from one
core textured intellectual domicile
that houses persona of one docile
amphibious descendent, whose forebear,
yes twas a crocodile!
lower abdominal area gurgles and balloons
gastrointestinal tract
vis a vis flatulence croons
in tandem and/or subsequent expulsion
eliminates fecal waste
witnessing sprinting to bathroom, this scribe
(against time) and jet propulsion
of sphincter muscles'
spasmodic desperately raced
unpleasant symptom of anxiety/ panic attack
twas a stranger to this rhyme stir,
who now finds himself barrack
cay did, and held hostage, where thoughts
about mooning doth not crack
a smile, or baring derriere tubby more exact
me up - matter of fact
no source of laughter, nada one ha intact
(despite usual presence of chuckles
from this fan of good humor) high jacked
for what seems a maternity leave
from all mothers tub be
thus envision, a bevy of pregnant gals
aching with cramps he
ving (times square of the hippopotamus)
with cervix fully dilated key
ping alert, when mother nature ready
to pull up all stops (via umbilical cord)
to deliver nee,
sans bundle of joy, followed
in quick succession with after birth re:
placental sack, hence said effort to expel newborn
the closest scenario experience ill suited to dance
afflicting this anxiety prone lovely bones, an all expanse
paid (seat of the pants) accursed bane of proletariat grants
no truce to attend finds me pampered asper this rants!
lest god be your guild
set side your pride
you have needs
he is the love seed
todo the deeds
he'll show you the way
BOWEL YOUR HEAD AND
PRAY
Irritable bowel syndrome
When you have it
There is no mistaking it
For anything else.
Irritable bowel syndrome
Makes you realign
Your fantasies dreams and purpose.
Irritable bowel syndrome
Not welcome in the world of work
Or anywhere else
Trump with Blatant Bowel
Trump had been moved by blatant bowel,
And could tell by face which wore a scowl;
Noise maker;
Earth shaker,
Also as usual he let out horrendious howel.
Jim Horn