Best Awfully Poems
Awfully Cold
One of our hopes is that Isle of Man
Might become part of our cruise plan
Which will be with the Princess Line
More we hear about is mighty fine.
We have heard that part of the course
Long time ago was cruised by the Norse
And instead England never did ignore
Keep civilian prisoners was used for.
Your indigenous isle has hills and dales
And is even close to country of Wales
For maybe a few who seem to be bold
All round water is always awfully cold.
For Jan Allison
Dear depressed girlfriend –
I recommend Paxil or any other brand of those happy pills. Also, I ain’t NOBODYS aunt and I’m not all that agonized either. I’m a MAN not a woman and I resemble your inference that I am woman. I AM an uncle and if I get my hands on you I’ll make you cry exactly that. I kinda like to wrestle with women anyway. Sometimes I even let them win. Once I wrestled a woman who was a body builder and she pinned me in a matter of seconds. I rather enjoyed it but I wasn’t too crazy about getting muddy. I asked her if she’d like to shower with me and she pinned me AGAIN and busted me up pretty good too…
And ANOTHER thing, just because I like to put on a dress and makeup and prance around in front of the mirror doesn’t mean I’m a woman either. I am VERY secure about my sexual orientation, although I have considered getting one of those operations I’ve heard about but guess what? My insurance wouldn’t cover it! Needless to say I was outraged...
You will have to take full responsibility for your nausea too. You should NEVER have joined the Navy in the first place unless you’re…Naw, can’t be! They don’t allow that sort of thing aboard ship do they? Go to Sick Bay and get some Dramamine and Pepto for god’s sake!
Hey, you wanna be MY girlfriend? Ouch! Look, you left a mark…
Sincerely
A recently agonized uncle who just cried ‘uncle’
---For Vicky’s contest
she had a smile upon her face
people wondered what secret she had inside
she had kissed and cuddled shyness no trace
does that make me nearly pregnant she cried
pretty face without the tears
people said of her she was awfully nice
trusting everyone without fears
every body's friend, sadness no trace
oxymorons used. 1). nearly pregnant. and 2). awfully nice.
Penned 19 August 2016
Chairman Xi, like Chairman Mao
Vladimir Putin, shades of Josef Stalin
Kim Jong-un, plus Recep Tayyip Erdogan
Iranian Mullahs producing drones and bombs
Our world is an awfully dangerous place
Yet America's response is a first-class disgrace
Yesterday Congress' focus on International Pronoun Day
At New York's UN today, autocrats against Israel inveigh
At home, crime's way up, 'so' we end cash bail
Why not let all the thugs out of jail
To protect its citizenry, America's government once existed
Now it opens the borders, its explanations ham-fisted
Add to all this rampant inflation, rising racial tensions
Plus self-defeating 'green goals' and underfunded pensions...
The 'threat to democracy' shouters couldn't be more wrong
The reason it's real ~ America misguided is no longer strong
a lonely park bench
under an old oak tree
there’s a boy sitting there
who can it be
why – it’s my son
he looks so awfully lonely
my eyes tear up uncontrollably ~
the finger points at me