Awfully Agonized Agony Aunt

Dear depressed girlfriend – I recommend Paxil or any other brand of those happy pills. Also, I ain’t NOBODYS aunt and I’m not all that agonized either. I’m a MAN not a woman and I resemble your inference that I am woman. I AM an uncle and if I get my hands on you I’ll make you cry exactly that. I kinda like to wrestle with women anyway. Sometimes I even let them win. Once I wrestled a woman who was a body builder and she pinned me in a matter of seconds. I rather enjoyed it but I wasn’t too crazy about getting muddy. I asked her if she’d like to shower with me and she pinned me AGAIN and busted me up pretty good too… And ANOTHER thing, just because I like to put on a dress and makeup and prance around in front of the mirror doesn’t mean I’m a woman either. I am VERY secure about my sexual orientation, although I have considered getting one of those operations I’ve heard about but guess what? My insurance wouldn’t cover it! Needless to say I was outraged... You will have to take full responsibility for your nausea too. You should NEVER have joined the Navy in the first place unless you’re…Naw, can’t be! They don’t allow that sort of thing aboard ship do they? Go to Sick Bay and get some Dramamine and Pepto for god’s sake! Hey, you wanna be MY girlfriend? Ouch! Look, you left a mark… Sincerely A recently agonized uncle who just cried ‘uncle’ ---For Vicky’s contest