Best Audit Poems
For flowery words I have no gift
deep thoughts I'm rarely thinking
And when it comes to penmanship
my dear I fear I'm stinking
But none the less amid this mess
I'll sum up for your pleasure
Donations to our mutual fund
you've granted in full measure
In 'sixty-two who knew that you
would be my life-long buddy
We'd both tried once, struck out at love
our crystal ball was muddy
We'll make it work this time we said
but no one thought we meant it
The means it seems for life-long dreams
had not yet been invented
Of course I knew that you were who
I prayed would share my dreaming
Of mountain cabins babbling brooks
blue lakes with rainbows teeming
But you were from a Texas town
and I a guy from Brooklyn
So fat chance you and I would fly
where angels yearn to look in
Now reassessing all those years
of mutual indenture
The motorcycles horses boats
and trips of wild adventure
I know I owe it all to your
intrepid flexibility
That we hold these fond memories
to warm us through senility
Just another warrenpiece
There was a madam who had a business in Shire,
In the oldest profession, she was for hire,
Alas, the tax people came,
But she didn’t think the same,
Because soon she wanted to retire.
She cried, “I have no savings; surely you jest,
Even the IRS can’t tax my breasts!
I just had them installed!
Aren’t you enthralled?
I bet you would never even guess!”
"Madam, even though your 401k,
Is in your ample breasts to stay,
I can see by your guests,
It still generates interest,
And for that you’ll have to pay!"
The Income Tax Audit
By Elton Camp
Perry boasted how the IRS he so loved to cheat
But found that he should’ve been more discreet
When a neighbor notified the Internal Revenue,
The agency decided that an audit they would do
The examiner soon found Perry lived like a prince
His lifestyle of income tax fraud soon did convince
“Man, you can’t have reported all of your income.
Where did this mansion and limousine come from?”
Perry also had bragged of his enormous casino win
But he hadn’t thought that he should turn a dime in
Also income showed on his Social Security account
But on his 1040 he hadn’t reported the same amount
Clothes given to the Salvation Army he took deduction
But the value he reported needed some drastic reduction
To the church Perry claimed that he gave twenty percent
But the pastor reported it wasn’t even a place that he went
Audit Idiocy
Life in secrecy;
Audit idiot is he,
With no decency.
Jim Horn
Your Return Has Been Selected for Audit
By Elton Camp
The government letter that Joe read
Every taxpayers so much does dread
“Your return, for audit, has been picked.”
Joe is certain that, by the IRS, he’s licked
Tax advice he accepted from his brother
But wishes he’d listened to some other
“There’s no way you will get caught.
Just the way I file is what you ought.”
The thousands Joe said he gave his church
He fears the lie has left him in the lurch
The 1985 model car to charity he gave away
Was worth ten thousand, he did unwisely say
Claiming that he supplied a client a $200 dinner
To the IRS has made him look just like a sinner
The home office deduction he decided to claim
Is another fraud that the IRS will be able to name
Joe began to loudly scream and fearfully wail
And wondered if he would spend time in jail
Supreme Court examination of homeless budget item
Good is one crime
Is that what your saying?
Finish that sentence on your own.
Finding out what someone else cannot do?
All the financial crimes currently committed
By not taking part in another's process of speech and records
I hold no errors in law
Forfeit the matter of the document is not and is public
Without opinion
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