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Your Final Journey - Emotive Write

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FICTION WRITE FOR CONTEST Salty tears fell from my blue eyes, when I kissed you goodbye I begged please don’t drive till sunrise, when I kissed you goodbye Soft snowflakes were falling from the sky, but you weren’t deterred - You’d promised that you’d meet the guys, when I kissed you goodbye You replied that you’d be fine, as it wasn’t far to go I told you that it wasn’t wise, when I kissed you goodbye We exchanged harsh words that terrible night; you told me that it’s not my place to criticise, when I kissed you goodbye Your car skidded on ice; a policeman came to my door. I’d been so right to agonise, when I kissed you goodbye As I sat by your bedside on the night you passed away my sadness I could not disguise, when I kissed you goodbye Contest Form G Sponsored By Broken Wings (Wasn’t* has been counted as 2 syllables not 1 as on how many syllables) 02~03~17

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Constance La France

Date: 2/11/2017 7:34:00 PM

Jan congratulations on your first place in my contest with this beautiful poem, it really touched my heart~

Jan Allison
Date: 2/12/2017 10:03:00 AM

Thanks so much Constance I was delighted to place so well in the contest:-) hugs jan xx

Mark Martin

Date: 2/11/2017 12:00:00 PM

Liked this Jan - congratulations! :-)

Jan Allison
Date: 2/11/2017 12:04:00 PM

Thanks so much Mark I really enjoy writing this form I think this is only my second poem using the ghazal form:-) hugs jan xx

Darren White

Date: 2/11/2017 3:24:00 AM

Congratulations, Jan, I loved this very much :)

Jan Allison
Date: 2/11/2017 5:14:00 AM

Thanks Darren I was delighted to place so well:-) hugs jan xx

Charlie Smith

Date: 2/9/2017 6:43:00 AM

Tuff form, beautifully mastered, congratulations Jan...

Jan Allison
Date: 2/9/2017 8:03:00 AM

Thanks Charlie I was delighted to place so well:-)hugs Jan xx

Carrie Richards

Date: 2/8/2017 10:17:00 AM

You have painted the scene as if in a movie. Well done, Jan. I pray this was fictional and not fact.....it is such a sad, sad story . Congratulations on your win !

Jan Allison
Date: 2/8/2017 5:46:00 PM

I'm amazed how I can switch from humour to sadness so easily Carrie. In fact I can't believe how i have taken to writing poetry:-) hugs Jan xx

Kim Rodrigues

Date: 2/8/2017 8:12:00 AM

Lovely, Jan! Congrats on your win!

Jan Allison
Date: 2/8/2017 5:44:00 PM

Thanks Kim:-) hugs Jan xx

Joanna Daniel

Date: 2/8/2017 3:17:00 AM

I'm back to congratulate you on your well deserved win, Jan:)

Jan Allison
Date: 2/8/2017 5:43:00 PM

Thanks so much Jo:-) hugs Jan xx

Joanna Daniel

Date: 2/7/2017 8:43:00 AM

Very heartfelt write, Jan:) if only children listen to their parents, many of the accidents would not take place!!

Jan Allison
Date: 2/7/2017 4:48:00 PM

It is such a sad scenario Jo. I do hope Constance likes my take on the theme:-) hugs jan xx

John Herlihy

Date: 2/6/2017 5:46:00 AM

A very sad tale. The repetition is downright haunting, if not hypnotizing. When I read some of my poetry to my (female) students (I work at a university in the Middle East), they like to repeat in chorus the last word (or two) in each line as I read. They told me it was an Arab poetic tradition. This poem reminded me of that. JH

Jan Allison
Date: 2/6/2017 6:33:00 AM

I've only written one of this form before John its quite a challenge to get it to flow and to have internal rhyme too:-) thanks for your lovely comment:-) hugs Jan xx

Elizabeth Kinch

Date: 2/5/2017 3:37:00 PM

Thankyou for commenting on my poem - Miscarriage. I love this one of yours. Haven't attempted this form myself yet, will have to give it a go. You've enthused me.

Jan Allison
Date: 2/5/2017 3:41:00 PM

Its only my second attempt at the form I look forward to reading yours:-) hugs Jan xx

Wendy Rycroft

Date: 2/5/2017 3:23:00 PM

10/10 great poem Jan x

Jan Allison
Date: 2/5/2017 3:28:00 PM

Thanks Wendy its only my second attempt at the form:-) hugs Jan xx

Paul Callus

Date: 2/5/2017 1:53:00 PM

Emotive, and with a lesson to go with it. I still have to write an Ghazal; you beat me to it! Hugs // paul

Jan Allison
Date: 2/5/2017 1:58:00 PM

It;s only my second attempt and I still have much to learn about the form:-) hugs Jan xx

Pashang Salehi

Date: 2/5/2017 10:54:00 AM

Wow Jan Ghazal..... Very very nice...

Pashang Salehi
Date: 2/10/2017 2:06:00 AM

Congratulation on your win....deservedly so...

Jan Allison
Date: 2/7/2017 4:49:00 PM

Thanks for you guidance Pashang, the change in the first stanza and altering the order of some of the other stanzas has transformed the poem and I am truly grateful for you taking the time to advise me I still have much to learn:-) hugs Jan xx

Pashang Salehi
Date: 2/5/2017 7:37:00 PM

Changing the stanza was a brilliant.... Always Pashang

Jan Allison
Date: 2/5/2017 10:58:00 AM

Thanks Pashang its only the second one I've written I hope Constance likes it:-) hugs Jan xx

Carol B.

Date: 2/4/2017 6:02:00 PM

Very sad but happy to see this is a fictional write. Great write!

Jan Allison
Date: 2/4/2017 6:05:00 PM

Thanks Carol yes thankfully its fiction but I'm sure there have been tragedies which people can sadly relate to:-( hugs jan xx

Carolyn Devonshire

Date: 2/4/2017 2:34:00 PM

What a sad tale, Jan. I think you and I see a "movie reel" version as we read poems like this. I "saw" this tragedy unfolding vividly through your descriptive words. Excellent work! Best wishes in the contest

Jan Allison
Date: 2/4/2017 2:36:00 PM

I try and picture the scene in my mind and write a poem around it ... I never know what my muse will come up with once the initial idea springs to mind:-) hugs Jan xx

Tim Smith

Date: 2/4/2017 11:10:00 AM

So sad Jan...as a parent I can feel your heart sink with the knock on the door.

Jan Allison
Date: 2/4/2017 11:15:00 AM

I can only imagine the scenario Tim it must be any parents worst nightmare:-( hugs Jan xx

Joseph May

Date: 2/4/2017 10:06:00 AM

A heartfelt write Jan...best wishes

Jan Allison
Date: 2/4/2017 10:22:00 AM

Thanks Jospeh:-) hugs Jan xx

Winged Warrior

Date: 2/3/2017 10:42:00 PM

Only you can bring this fiction write to life Jan...great Gazal...god bless...^WW^

Jan Allison
Date: 2/4/2017 7:06:00 AM

Thanks ^WW^ its only the second one I've written:-) hugs jan xx

Matthew Anish

Date: 2/3/2017 9:08:00 PM

Is this a true story? You tell it in a very poignant way! Peace & Love Matthew Anish

Jan Allison
Date: 2/4/2017 7:07:00 AM

Pure fiction for contest Matthew but sadly it could be true:-( hugs Jan xx

White Wolf

Date: 2/3/2017 7:16:00 PM

A very sad poem, Jan! And yes, I've noticed that about the syllable counter! It isn't always correct, is it! GL in the contest, I'm sure this will place well!

Jan Allison
Date: 2/4/2017 7:08:00 AM

Thanks WW I think we need to use out judgement with the syllable counters they can differ quite a lot:-) hugs jan xx

Frederic Parker

Date: 2/3/2017 4:27:00 PM

glad to see you chose the form and not the NA for the contest..very well done..good luck

Jan Allison
Date: 2/4/2017 7:08:00 AM

I didn't have a current n/a to use and I do like the challenge as I've only written one of this form before:-) hugs Jan xx

Pandita Sietesantos

Date: 2/3/2017 10:04:00 AM

What a very tragic piece that left me teary-eyed- so sad to lose a child this way! A7 for sure! Hugs. Pandita

Jan Allison
Date: 2/3/2017 11:38:00 AM

Thanks Pandita it is a very sad poem:-) hugs Jan xx

Demetrios Trifiatis

Date: 2/3/2017 10:01:00 AM

A beauty of a poem wrapped in tragedy! Hope it is a fiction dear, Jan! A seven! Hugs!

Jan Allison
Date: 2/4/2017 7:09:00 AM

Pure fiction for the contest Demetrios:-) hugs Jan xx

Chris Green

Date: 2/3/2017 9:01:00 AM

Sadly, this I am sure is true somewhere and way too often. Nicely expressed Jan.

Jan Allison
Date: 2/4/2017 7:09:00 AM

I'm sure there are some that can relate to a tragedy like this:-( hugs Jan xx