What Should I Do

Not that folks out there are keeping score-- But I envision myself as something... more However, the main obstacle getting in my way Is predicting what could go wrong every day Particularly because I tend to be strait-laced No place around here is hiring me with haste I didn't succeed in school to prep for a career Now I lack proper income, year after year... Even with 2 A.A.'s-- and scads more classes Finding my niche has been slow as molasses Now I found out that with just my library card There's access to free courses which I regard That should have been my entire college ed! But they made me go, so I got debt instead Sometimes I feel I do not belong in this city But independence requires being more gritty Yet since my goal is not merely to impress I often long for simplicity, something... less Imagining rising early-early to tend a small farm Except I can't myself cause an animal any harm I could gather hen eggs and learn to milk a cow Would I be dedicated with my hand to the plow? Fickle as I am, my indecisive discernment Confuses me as where to be God's servant Would I find purpose in the White Violet Center Helping with crops and alpaca, being a mentor Or am I destined to keep putting up with this mess Stuck here in a trial of patience, & learning to bless Being here for my mom later, in her elderly age As she was here for me, from my earliest stage I don't mind my role as a helpful "volunteer lady" But I hope for job security, without turning shady Perhaps my hobbies and art could be an online biz Earning my bread without shoplifting as in Les Mis Probably I missed my chance to be a cloistered nun Now that I'm too old, & tried to have too much fun It's just as well, since I need to take care of myself Avoiding kidney stones doesn't contribute to my pelf And in what climate could this Little Flower grow... Do I really need all this sun, or could I endure snow Have I been complaining literally this whole poem? Guess that's what happens when I'm bored at home Through it all, God has done great things for me I'd like to offer more to show how He set me free