Well this took a while to get to the point

Imagine - trying to be profound I feel it's automatic failure by applying effort That all sounds like a me problem Both with automatic failure And judgements I could have an existential crisis, but I'll hold it off Imagine instead, being happy with efforts to be profound Finding acceptance That would surely be lovely I'm all bristly with the standard of 'nice' and 'lovely' - a horror upon myself again Imagine being less aware - I push out these thoughts on little boats experimentally rather than any belief they float I'm suiting myself by exposing my awkward inner monologue - oh so self obsessed (there's a little arguement, that this oversharing could validate a similar mind or intrigue a different one or indeed allow a polished poet a feeling of superiority or sometimes bite a person who judges my choice to share self in this way when my thoughts land well - oh and of course I'm fully aware few will read beyond my 'nothing good here's first line/s)... Where am I, I drifted off... Imagine not having excruciating self awareness alongside a strange urge to say and do things anyway, which is strangely rewarded by affirmation, joy or praise alongside an inner monologue of intense criticism and fear of rejection. Pushing on with being myself despite what feels like innate knowledge that I am an automatic failure, with a confidence that is in constant battle. Then this hyper vigilance for watching reactions, double checking proof that results in me managing another day as I'm gratiously accepted and kept afloat by positive feedback Imagine if everything that keeps me afloat were true And I exchanged my negative inner monologue for comfortable passage through this life Would I be better or worst for it? Imagine all those trying to be profound need affirmation too Imagine I'm not as alone as I think Maybe I invest in feeling different Maybe it's all my fault... (Oh shut up self) Whatever this poem is I don't really judge as negatively as I accuse myself of I just think too much And fear harsh judgement So consider how others may be judged Which will mean whatever it means So present, on occasion, unattractive representations of myself To see whether I could blow it so easily Maybe if more stepped out of comfort zones And people stopped pleasing with warped ideas of what is pleasing The veil would be lifted And challenge and honesty as well as beautiful unadulterated love would fill us all up