Untold Agony

While my happiness hawls in a dark cave of self-doubt, I smile. Burying my brain cells in the grave of immense fear, I speak. While my dreams burn in the dreary path of desolation, I suffer to sleep. Shedding rivers of blood enough to fill the midnight ocean, I walk. I welcome each morning with a hammering heart. I extend warm handshakes with cold hands. I dance to the looney tunes with quivering feet. I share my bold thoughts with frozen blood in my veins. That day when I gave a presentation, I received applause and appreciation Everyone called me a brave heart, But deep inside, I remained a cadaver in graveyard. That day when I first met your family, I broke the ice with a soothing melody Everyone in the abode surmised me as chirpy My chest alone knows the pain it endured in that pseudo joyful journey. When you saw me strong, I was undeniably weak inside. When you saw me smile, you saw me who wasn't at all there. When the sweetness of my song bloomed your heart, bile was burning the walls of my throat. When you were witnessing my collar lifting moment , I was actually stopping my collar bones from breaking. I wish to wake up to the tick of alarm clock but wake up to the thump of my pounding heart. I wish to hug the dreams in the deep night's sleep but I fall prey to the paws of nightmares. My eye lens capture a non-existing image My brain maps the present to a buried past My heart fears a fictitious occurance My body absconds into an unknown destination. You feel I'm insane But I'm enduring excruciating pain No! No, I'm not overplaying, And no, I'm not at all shamming I feel I need not be sorry for what I am Because I'm riding above the clouds to do my best in this lifespan.