Untitled

I don't think people understand Why I'm so angry, or why I'm so sad The problem is neither do I The feelings of love hard to defy I'm living in a sea of rage By boat is sinking, how big the hole is hard to gauge. Iv got my oars but im not moving I'm going under, my boat diffusing Tactile meetings is the plan The timer ticking, times already began This has to be done my way to please, The broken person only my mirror sees What will be said, the where, what and hows Can only be done when my mind allows Hit them with facts is my first goal How this plays out is in my control She'll tell me all that i have done wrong He will say he knew nothing all along But in the middle both their stories hold truth They both told a lie, its me they abused Do I send her a video, cards on the table? Or should I knock on her door when im able? Do I send him a 5 page text? Or do I put any relationship with him to bed? Iv never been able to say the word dad Don't get me wrong I know he is bad But when these teenagers became adults Why did they lie and harm their child? So many questions won't be asked So many answers they will retract I don't know exactly what I need to hear But a sorry won't come from "mummy dear" I can't hate her; I still love her If she reads my words she will think I'm the monster But she's a Narcissit, my brain conditioned To believe she is right, my loyalty i need to reposition I need to put the thoughts away in my head Lock the key close it, lay it to rest My approach to the situation maybe different When the pain and anger is gone and my thoughts are coherent Today I felt some passion again I found myself smiling, my life to regain The fact that I was able to feel less mad Means they haven't won, and for that I'm glad Time is a healer, life moves on The child they abused I will no longer mourn But for the girl in the past and for the me in the future Things have to be said no matter how bitter I'm going to leave things well alone till then Build myself and be happy again I'll never forget all they have done But for now my life needs to move on ......