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I don't think people understand 
Why I'm so angry, or why I'm so sad
The problem is neither do I
The feelings of love hard to defy 

I'm living in a sea of rage
By boat is sinking, how big the hole is hard to gauge.
Iv got my oars but im not moving 
I'm going under, my boat diffusing 

Tactile meetings is the plan
The timer ticking, times already began 
This has to be done my way to please,
The broken person only my mirror sees

What will be said, the where, what and hows
Can only be done when my mind allows
Hit them with facts is my first goal
How this plays out is in my control 

She'll tell me all that i have done wrong 
He will say he knew nothing all along 
But in the middle both their stories hold truth
They both told a lie, its me they abused

Do I send her a video, cards on the table?
Or should I knock on her door when im able?
Do I send him a 5 page text?
Or do I put any relationship with him to bed?

Iv never been able to say the word dad
Don't get me wrong I know he is bad
But when these teenagers became adults
Why did they lie and harm their child?

So many questions won't be asked 
So many answers they will retract 
I don't know exactly what I need to hear
But a sorry won't come from "mummy dear"

I can't hate her; I still love her 
If she reads my words she will think I'm the monster 
But she's a Narcissit, my brain conditioned 
To believe she is right, my loyalty i need to reposition

I need to put the thoughts away in my head
Lock the key close it, lay it to rest
My approach to the situation maybe different 
When the pain and anger is gone and my thoughts are coherent 

Today I felt some passion again 
I found myself smiling, my life to regain
The fact that I was able to feel less mad
Means they haven't won, and for that I'm glad

Time is a healer, life moves on
The child they abused I will no longer mourn
But for the girl in the past and for the me in the future 
Things have to be said no matter how bitter

I'm going to leave things well alone till then
Build myself and be happy again 
I'll never forget all they have done 
But for now my life needs to move on ......
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