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I go to the doctors office for a simple check up The first thing she says, "I'm so proud of you for losing weight" All I can do is look down at my feet and mutter thanks I don't mention the dark circles around my eyes I don't let her know that I haven't had my period in 3 months How I feel dizzy whenever I stand How many hours I spend at the gym I can't tell her how good water feels on an empty stomach Or that I don't remember when the last time I had a proper meal I grab my things and call my mom Thinking that if I talk to someone who knows that weight and health are not the same thing I will feel better but I don't Instead I stand on the scale and curse the girl in the mirror And figure that one more skipped meal won't hurt Or another 3 hours in gym won't kill me I get told everyday how good I am looking and how proud people are of me The girls at the gym ask me what my secret is and I can't tell them I am sick We have sayings like "You can feel sore today or sorry tomorrow" And "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" yet I still don't look like Kate Moss And when I do find something that tastes THAT good I feel guilty and restrict I know my friends won't worry though If I skip everything except the salad without dressing Or I say ''I'm just not hungry" You know that fat girls don't get bulimia So if I tell my friends I don't want a meal it They won't start to worry Because, It looks like I don't miss any!