Unintended Beauty

Unintended beauty I was not meant to be beautiful So when I cut my hair To sculpt my face perfectly I forget... When I slip-on that satin lingerie Or drape yards of chiffon around me Ensuring the fabric hugs my body tightly And flaunt my curves rightly I forget... When I slip into them heels and wear a hot pout When I put on all this makeup to cover every inch of my doubt I forget... I forget. That this, was not, What I intended to be! I am not beautiful and beauty is neither my destination, Nor my destiny I am not that beautiful satin robe Nor the perfect beach waves worthy of a stare I am the late night clumsy PJs. My messy morning hair I am the poems gushing from my veins I am every inch of my despair I am my fingertips restless on this typewriter And the broken heart they toil to repair Then why must I cut myself thin, Why shed the ugly from my skin Why must I forget? That my bone structure Is not an architectural marvel For tourists to revel in its beauty It’s a shelter of the soul Sacred to people who call it home. I am too much of everything I am I am my fierceness, my passion But also the sweetest form of honey I am my hysterical laughter But also midnight rants I am a ray of hope But I never leave darkness’s hands I just leave claw marks on hearts I am a marvelous contradiction Subtly, too much of everything I am How is it that I permit myself? Why over and over I forget That I am not beauty And she is not me Hell, she lacks the magnitude to be For I am too much! Too much for beauty to behold, In her pretty, delicate arms. And I am tired Of playing dress-up with her! So I remind myself, Every time I forget To stop slipping into this ugly lie that covers the beautiful truth I am. Yet I am forgetful, That's why when I intend to be beautiful I forget. All the unintended beauty that I already am!