The quiet never comes
I drank myself numb
to hide the pain—
the things I saw,
the voices I heard
when the world went quiet.
The bottle never judged me.
It just blurred the edges.
Made the flashes softer,
the guilt quieter,
the ghosts… not gone,
but easier to sit with.
But your past always catches up.
You can’t outdrink memory forever.
Steel on my wrists.
Bars I fell behind.
Not a hero.
Just a man
running from himself
with nowhere left to go.
Addiction turned to darkness—
the kind that sits in your chest
and convinces you
you’re too broken to come back.
Broken without all the pieces.
Some are buried.
Some I gave away.
Some I watched die with men braver than me.
The weight of guilt
crushing down like armor I can’t take off.
I carry their names like shrapnel.
I wear their memory like scars.
An empty life
without my brothers.
Most days I fake the smile.
Some days I can’t.
And if you ever see me cry
when I look at the flag—
don’t ask why.
Just know
I remember what it cost.
I live in hell most nights,
so others can have dreams.
Let ‘em sleep, let ‘em laugh—
I’ll carry the screams.
The memories turned to nightmares
that now invade the day.
I close my eyes
and still see it all.
I have no peace…
Just the peace I protected.
And that’s what I gave—
Even if it cost me everything.
On my face, you’d never know…
but the devil invites me home at every turn.
The quiet never comes…
but neither does surrender.
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