The quiet never comes

I drank myself numb to hide the pain— the things I saw, the voices I heard when the world went quiet. The bottle never judged me. It just blurred the edges. Made the flashes softer, the guilt quieter, the ghosts… not gone, but easier to sit with. But your past always catches up. You can’t outdrink memory forever. Steel on my wrists. Bars I fell behind. Not a hero. Just a man running from himself with nowhere left to go. Addiction turned to darkness— the kind that sits in your chest and convinces you you’re too broken to come back. Broken without all the pieces. Some are buried. Some I gave away. Some I watched die with men braver than me. The weight of guilt crushing down like armor I can’t take off. I carry their names like shrapnel. I wear their memory like scars. An empty life without my brothers. Most days I fake the smile. Some days I can’t. And if you ever see me cry when I look at the flag— don’t ask why. Just know I remember what it cost. I live in hell most nights, so others can have dreams. Let ‘em sleep, let ‘em laugh— I’ll carry the screams. The memories turned to nightmares that now invade the day. I close my eyes and still see it all. I have no peace… Just the peace I protected. And that’s what I gave— Even if it cost me everything. On my face, you’d never know… but the devil invites me home at every turn. The quiet never comes… but neither does surrender.