Heidie Buys Poet Rhyme

The Perfect Dawn

I'll softly sing a lullaby this night
Sadly howling at a mournful moon.
Be still my heart of grieving blight
The perfect dawn is coming soon.

I'll light a candle in the dark
A yellow beacon of despair.
One by one the stars I'll mark
For rosy dawn in hope prepare.

Sail softly over these stormy seas
Silver tinted the soapy waterways.
Be still my heart of searing memories
The promise of dawn brings better days.

Don't rock the boat in foamy wake
Hold tight onto rudders of grief.
Be still my heart in Sorrows Lake
The perfect dawn will bring relief.






Quite a while back a fellow poet was quite vocal as to what constitutes bad poetry, giving 
numerous examples. The above poem contains many of these examples, trying to prove that 
one man's trash, could very well be another man's poem. Let's stir the soup.

♡Like0

Share Poem

---

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

1 2

Zzzzz Zzzzz August 12, 2011 at 11:51 AM Wistful and poetic. I agree with your note at the bottom. If we always followed poetic rules to the letter, what a dull stream of stereotype poetry we would have! We need poets who are willing to push the boundries! xoxo Robert.

Elizabeth Wesley June 18, 2011 at 4:57 AM Beautifully said, the content sad but full of visual words. PS my daughter's name is Heidi, love it!

Doris Culverhouse March 28, 2010 at 5:07 PM very nice, hope to see some new poems from you

Trudy Diane Rider July 25, 2009 at 3:01 PM I don't know that anything in this poem constitues "bad poetry", this poem is sweet and beautiful! Thank you for your comments on my poem also, you made me laugh with the comment your grandmother had about your shorts...Funny how things change, and yes, hopefully the morals we taught them when they were young, will stick and present themselves when the time comes. Thank you Heidie, ~Trudy~

James Fraser June 8, 2009 at 2:31 PM Terrific, terrific - awesome poem, written with feeling. Your crafting of words deserve to be read>James

Elaine George January 22, 2009 at 4:53 AM Treasure as far as I am concerned. Love Lainie

Lucinda Bulger January 19, 2009 at 2:47 PM Well written my friend (as you can tell I am back in full force after last year when I, in despair and a lil' in left field deleted over 150 works from the soup) although I do not visit the forums now, I do miss it at times, we all look for understanding and acceptance and sometimes we must stir... :) much love, Lucinda

Daver Austin January 7, 2009 at 2:27 PM A very lovely, sorrowful piece. I'm hoping the perfect dawn is tomorrow for you. Love, daver

Nigel Fawcett October 28, 2008 at 7:26 AM While reading this exquisite piece of poetry, I found myself wishing I could write like this, so I was completely stunned when I read your footnote!! I adore this poem. Love, Nigel --- p.s. rooibos tea; any good for the sort of insomnia caused by waking in the night to scribble thoughts and fragments?

John Heck October 18, 2008 at 1:01 PM Excellent rhyme here Heidie! I loved everything about this write...then again, I admire every word you pen to paper...you're still one of my favorite poetess'! Wishing you all the best! Peace and hugs, John

October 18, 2008 at 9:08 AM What a wonderful message! The alliteration adds rhythm to your words. Nice use of rhyme. Enjoyed reading this again. Thank you for all the encouraging words regarding my poetry. Hope to see more from you soon. Keep on writing! Karen

Michael Torres October 17, 2008 at 6:00 AM This is an excellent poem, such creativity with words, a lot of thought went into this one excellent write . I really enjoyed it. God bless you Michael

Michael Degenhardt October 14, 2008 at 9:03 AM Stir away my friend. I found this to be an incredible write. The tone is perfect and the rhyme and flow make the read flawless, while providing the imagery needed to convey the sentiment. Very well done! Michael

Brian Strand October 12, 2008 at 12:26 AM Love the penultimate line Heidie.Rgds Brian & thanks for your welcome comments

Kristin Reynolds October 11, 2008 at 12:04 PM Well said, indeed! HA! Those who say such things are either ignorant, empty or spiteful, so never mind them! I was actually just thinking about this today reading some "current" modern poetry. Alot of it is like a fancy story, and truthfully, I LOVE the sonnet's and traditional poetry of yesteryear. To each his or her own, you are awesome, never doubt that! Love Kristin

Michael Jordan October 10, 2008 at 8:11 PM Heidie - Thats right girlfriend burn em up - This poem is wonderful if it has what someone considers bad poetry in it then I reckon I love bad poetry are they spoke up out of their neck - I just don't understand condescending people - I wish I knew a tenth of what some folk think they do - Always a pleasure my dear Heidie - God Bless

John Loving Iii October 9, 2008 at 2:27 PM i still like this piece. thanks for welcome comments. especially comming form you i am truly blessed. John

Vince Suzadail Jr. October 6, 2008 at 4:46 PM Each poem is special to the writer and often to the recipient. I wouldn't trade an autographed Dickinson for a roses are red poem from my daughter. I liked this one whether it had errors or not. Soup always tastes better when somone stirs the pot. Vince

Joseph Spence Sr October 6, 2008 at 4:29 PM I really like the first part about singing a lullaby. That sounds just lovely. Lighting a candle in the dark for a loved one is also wonderful. I like this poem and the flow of the lines. The last line regarding the perfect dawn is just awesome. Great job! ~Joseph

John Loving Iii October 6, 2008 at 1:12 PM not looking for misstakes from you. i liked what i was reading some of the images really caught my attention. and hey are you making fun of MY poetry!? tell me i can take it. John

James Foulk October 6, 2008 at 11:34 AM I read some of the comments about this great piece of wonderful poetry. you write what you feel, see, hear, and remember. if it pleases your heart, then go for it. this was a great poem that i will put on my favorites. thank you for reading my other poetry and for your kind comments and support.

Ronald Bingham October 5, 2008 at 6:15 PM You show me someone who is perfect and I'll show you a fool! I kind of dig your poetry and your comments rock, they always give me just the boost I need, so keep writing this delightful trash and call me the garbage collector cause I like it!!!!! Ron

October 5, 2008 at 11:30 AM Nice use of rhyme and alliteration in this poem. The comment at the end is a point well made. We all don't like the same type of poetry. I think we would all be wise not to judge too harshly. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us and for your kind words regarding my poetry. Keep on writing!! Karen

Deneen White October 5, 2008 at 9:35 AM well more about the poems written, I am told that this has happened before, that they keep coming back under different names, but my thing is that went I went to this one person's write because this was one of the guilty people, alot of poets were angry because this person had made very ugly comments on their writes and people were really upset with this person and I was too because of her rudeness, but this person is miserable and needs help, do I need to beat someone up for you, LOL thanks D

Deneen White October 5, 2008 at 9:28 AM hi Heidi, what some people do not realize is that there are so many different types of poetry and so many ways to display them, if every one wrote poems exactly alike that would be pretty boring, I love this write, it speaks of hope and I hope that whatever you are going through that the dawn will bring you a sense of peace and calm like you deserve, the poem that i wrote tongue in check was written, because there are some poeple on this site saying really ugly things about quite a few of us

1 2