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The Empty Room

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A fictional poem for Craig Cornish's The Empty Room poetry contest.

 

I can hear the echoes of footsteps, at times the rattling of iron bars, but my thoughts are too loud, repeating in this dim and disturbed mind. My rage used to punch all four walls, hoping concrete would crumble, but broken knuckles only left crimson stains. At least they offer a little colour to the grey. I have no idea of time nor date. Twenty three hours flow too slow. Too much time to dwell, wasting away, horizontal, upon a worn out mattress, but the sliver of light offers some respite, as I wait for that one hour of restricted freedom, escaping this stale stench of sweat and mildew. I think about the lifeless souls before me. Sometimes, I turn to God, but only the Devil replies, adamant I should join him among his bonfires, but there is no rope nor any sharp objects to end these sleepless, tearful, deep sighs.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2024




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Date: 6/22/2024 5:01:00 AM
We all think the wall would crumble when we punch it. That is so funny to think. And what if it did? Would we punch it every time we feel rage? Well, it punches us back and that's one way to teach a lesson. But I'm glad with the satisfaction of the stain. The devil always listens when we talk to God. Eves dropping is his other name and that's why he brings answers even when God says no. But with discernment, we would always know who it's from. Mercy killing over suicide. Great story Dear Silent.
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Date: 6/19/2024 3:06:00 PM
Well Valsa put a lot of my observations down So I don't need to put much Si..However A most ( poin-fully) put piece in my estimation'
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Date: 6/14/2024 10:02:00 PM
This is so moving a description, depicting the frustration and rage of a soul ostracized from life and cut off from all human associations. Is he a jail bird who is caged within iron bars with no freedom to roam round? He is on the point of contemplating death, but even that kind of an escape is denied to him. His action of punching the concrete wall with his fist shows the level of his frustration. "but broken knuckles only left crimson stains. At least they offer a little colour to the grey."..... So very poignant!
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Date: 6/13/2024 5:43:00 PM
That last stanza pulls at the heart strings, SO. A man caged up for life is a broken man with restless thoughts. Yes, it seems God stops listening, or we can no longer hear Him and have lost his grace, then it's judgement day. I feel numb and emptiness indeed!
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Date: 6/13/2024 11:00:00 AM
SO, seems this describes what it is like to live in a prison cell with an hour of outside recreation. The title "The Empty Room" takes on meaning even though there is an occupant as when we are isolated and alone, our life does become empty. We have to be careful to keep this isolated lifestyle far away from each of us.
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Date: 6/11/2024 7:55:00 PM
Somehow deeply disturbing... you've used just the right amount of description to make your reader understand where we are but also to cause questions. It's this person innocent or guilty? Did that matter to their mental/emotional state? Should we feel sorry for them? I can't help it, I do. I feel for anyone without freedom, and in this case, hope. Ty for the thoughtful journey! Xo
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Date: 6/11/2024 12:21:00 AM
a point of no return, locked in a room without a god... impressive write, impressive win, silent...huge congrats!
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Date: 6/10/2024 6:44:00 PM
Dear Silent, it's such a pleasure to return with my heartiest congrats for your win in Craig's contest. I'm so happy to share the podium with you, my inspiring friend. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
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Date: 6/10/2024 2:20:00 PM
Back with congratulations on your contest win, my friend.
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Date: 6/10/2024 2:15:00 PM
Great poem! Often devil is first to answer!! Congrats on your win!!
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Date: 6/9/2024 1:07:00 PM
Dear silent one this is a very powerful and raw poem from your talented pen! Youv depicted how an individual stuck in darkness and uncertainty , unable to escape from prisoned state of mind physically or emotionally would feel! How clever and creative! I love how descriptive it is and how this made me feel! Especially the darkness that flows in such a seamless manner! I especially love “but broken knuckles only left crimson stains. At least they offer a little colour to the grey.” Brilliant how youve described the extent one goes to find some grey when all is either black or white! The ending is soul hitting too! You are a very versatile poet that can write in so many ways on so many themes and subjects! Best wishes!
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Date: 6/9/2024 9:40:00 AM
This is a gripping piece on one's barbed thoughts, silent...I enjoyed the imagery and mood pouring from your heart...thanks for your feedback about my latest poem! hugggs
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Date: 6/9/2024 9:27:00 AM
Your "The Empty Room" what a write/story. Sometimes life can feel like an empty room. Love your line, "Sometimes, I turn to God, but only the Devil replies," Always turn to God/never to the devil. "Good Luck" Have A Blessed Day Writing Away...........
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Date: 6/9/2024 9:27:00 AM
A space and an individual devoid of any respect, kindness, or decency. This moving poem on a desperate need for redemption. Your poem delves into somber themes and vivid imagery, immersing the reader in the confined existence and inner turmoil of the storyteller, whose mind is plagued by Satan's temptations and torments. The final two lines are moving and heartbreaking; they convey his profound sadness and the overwhelming sense of isolation he feels at times, even when the devil appears to be his sole ally. What a fantastic contest submission! Best wishes, my friend
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Date: 6/9/2024 9:03:00 AM
Dear Silent One, your poem is deep and dark with such striking imagery that brings the reader into the imprisoned life and thoughts of the narrator whose mind is tempted and tormented by the Devil.. your last two lines are especially poignant, heart-wrenching, and speak to the depth of his despair and the state of truly being and feeling alone.. when the devil seems your only friend. A room, and a person, empty of any dignity, love and respect. Impactful poetry where desperation seeks salvation. A great entry for the contest! Warmest wishes my inspiring friend.. ~Susan
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